I Want to Go to There

My body is back from NY but my mind is still there. I had such an amazing time, but I slept very little and got in very late, and now I have scrambled egg brain. I'll be back later to regale you with tales of my exploits, but for now I just want to make sure that you've seen this:

Reader Corinna emailed to inform me that I was vacationing scant miles away from greatness. I really thought about hopping on the subway, showing up at Jessica's insane Brooklyn home, and demanding a tour, but sanity prevailed when I considered how I might feel if some random stalker freak popped up unannounced at my door... I'd pretty much just call the police.

Or stab the intruder with my amazing brutalist lamps.

Or perhaps I'd drown them in my incredible bathtub.

Or maybe just bludgeon them with my stunning onyx coffee table.

Perhaps my little trope is wearing thin, but I think you'll agree that I should have risked death to tour this place.

Next time, Jessica. Next time. I suggest you lock down the lucite record player before I come, though.

[JP Warren Interiors, Desire to Inspire]

Two Crazy Bedrooms and One Mayonnaise Sandwich

Yesterday I made the grueling trek into the northern wilds, home of Ikea. Land of milk and honey. Or so I thought. See, I have long been incubating radical plans to radically update our completely unradical bedroom -- our bedroom that is now headboardless, directionless, and a complete mess (if you don't have kids, judge not lest you be immediately impregnated). Before I headed to Ikea and was completely destroyed by the juggernaut that is ubiquitous Swedish decor, my plans to revolutionize sleeping through the power of psychedelic design were maybe somehow inspired by these rooms:

Minus the barfy dress.

Minus the funny face.

As I stood in front of the racks and racks and racks of duvet covers (while Ike melted down t-10 seconds to naptime), I thought about how I'm supposed to buy a blanket instead of a duvet cover, because duvet covers are so fall 2010. But all I saw were duvet covers. About 5237866 of them. And I know I probably should have gone home and bought a blanket off the interwebs, but I was under pressure from fluorescent lighting and toddler tantrums. Plus I'm tired of looking at the stupid mauge comforter (suspiciously close to this color) on our giant bed. So there I stood -- endlessly, painfully pondering the duvet cover conundrum.

First I picked this up:

And then I put it down, because it had flowery flowers on it and I suspected it would not play well with the giant black panther picture hanging beside our bed. Or the Oriental nightstands. Or the chrome bench. Or pretty much anything in that room.

I bought a white duvet cover. It's not even worth picturing. It's white.

How did my technicolor dreams turn to dust in the wind? Damn you, Ikea, for overwhelming me with your conspicuous overstocking. Whatever. I'm moving on, and I think things are headed in this direction:

Just kidding. It's pretty, but I have too much stuff to live in here.

I have a new plan. It has elements of crazy, but also supports the new white duvet cover theory formula corollary.

Alas, we'll have to discuss it ad infinitum later because I have to go to a biggo photo job right now... someone has to pay for all that crap I bought at Ikea.

Have a good Monday. Do some psycho shopping for me.

[Desire to Inspire, Elle Decor, Magnus Marding]

Take a Memo: Mama's Got a New Job

As you may remember, last week I mentioned that I started a new gig. The new job I landed isn't actually that new at all, one of my very favorite clients who I have been doing graphic design for over the last 2 years is expanding (business is actually booming!) and has hired me on as their marketing manager, I will also be working with the owners to open new locations, read:  use my finely tuned haggling skills to get them the best deals on vintage furnishings and contracting services.  Perks of the job include:  awesome bosses and the ability to continue working from home.  Not to mention that we're about to move offices, which I do visit once a week and have big, unbeknownst to them, plans to decorate the hell out of. Seeing as how the only piece of office furniture we have so far is one of these:

I think I'm off to a pretty good start.  (and yes, the skee ball machine is for real and it is vintage).

 Hopefully my new bosses will agree with me when I say that I would like to walk through these doors every time I show up to work:

Chandelier Creative via This aint no disco

Perhaps a close-up will hammer home the deal:

It makes my head hurt and my heart melt to think about what had to be done to create this grand entrance but I am willing to climb every mountain and ford every stream in order to get these mama-jammas into my working life.

Of course, what lies behind the doors is just as good:

I am loving every piece of this office, except maybe that questionable bowling ball dangerously placed in the middle of the room, and think it is totally reasonable for me to ask new bosses if I can have an exact replica of this space for my one-day-a-week visit.  Don't you?

I think my coworkers will enjoy checking things off their to-do lists surrounded by these chairs and lovely Front Design Horse Lamp.  We will be passing on the DIVA lettering, however.

If new bosses are looking for something more masculine (whatever) I will attempt to sell them on a space similar to this:

Oh!  So stately!  Way to go Household, you know I've always got your back when you start bringing the animal artwork.  Let's tour the rest of their digs.

I think the most important thing to incorporate into a new office, other than a fully functioning skee ball machine, is a place to relax, tufted, please, as well as some handsome deer sketches.

And please believe me when I say I've already been cruising the web trying to decide which wall mural will go best in my new work space.

If new bosses ask me to tone in down a notch (could you imagine?!) I would probably request a humble set up such as this one:

Gunkelman Flesher via Desire to Inspire

Would you all like to help me decide what image I should have commissioned for my custom oil painting?  I'm thinking about having my Laser Cat standing next to a faucet, she loves that.

If the oil painting puts us over our budget, I can probably save money by swapping out the desk and putting all of my old design magazines to use:

But I'm thinking this is a little impractical and I would most certainly give myself several years of bad luck by breaking the mirrored glass I would use for the top over and over again.  yes.  mirrored.

via This Aint No Disco

While I have never advocated the use of chalkboard paint, in this instance I really just love it (bye bye directors chair).  I may even show up more than once a week to visit that bright orange desk.

Won't we all feel so important when we have our creative meetings here?

via This Aint No Disco

Perhaps I could convince New Bosses to knock out the roof so that I may build myself an office in the sky like the one above.  On the condition that we get a little girl holding balloon painting, obv.

I will also be requesting this map and chair combo:

Oh!   And I just noticed those green and gold chickens!  I am so sold on this joint

And you know, I'm not having any problem at all imagining my 3 martini lunch on this couch.

Oh!!  I can't wait for new bosses to see what they've gotten themselves into, they're going to be so happy!