The Antithesis of Cheap Chic

Yesterday it was plywood, today it's Kelly Wearstler. Could two things possibly be more diametrically opposed? Anyhow, I had kind of forgotten about KW (possibly due to the fact that her hair raising exploits on Top Design are on hiatus), but whilst cruising fave blog If the Lampshade Fits I was informed that KW's house had made an appearance in Vogue. Has Erin been living under a baby shaped rock, you may ask? So I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I'm chancing an overpost in order to put up a zillion KW pictures because I think she deserves a rematch in the KW vs Haters fight for world domination over interior design. Say what you will about Wearstler -- she has wrong hair, the whole world has seen her boobies in Playboy (find your own link, pervs), she is responsible for the trellis pattern that will not die, she thinks pink and purple look smashing together -- but you can't say that she isn't influential. And she is never, ever boring. Negative space? What negative space? Her rooms have an all overness that many other designers' spaces lack; every square inch looks considered. And I really like what she did with her house giant freaking mansion.

Well, most of it. A zebra rug? Really? But doesn't that wallpaper make you want to go paint your own walls all scibbledy scrabbledy, because it is AMAZING. And it doesn't hurt that she lets her adorable kids climb all over her mansion like little berserker monkeys. I like that about her.

And, uh, have you seen this? Have you? Hello giant gold head and insane ceiling wallpaper! KW always has the most interesting furniture, but her house never looks like a furniture museum -- nothing sticks out, and everything looks properly integrated. Apartment Therapy is buzzing with hate over it, but the only thing I hate is the crappy image quality. Oh, and the flowers.

This does not mean I am professing a sycophantic love for everything Kelly Wearstler. I do not understand this dining table arrangement at all. Unless those gold heads are undercover plate holders, this just strikes me as weird. Actually, it strikes me as weird, anyway. But how about those chairs?

She does have a knack for picking quirky furnishings. Everyone needs a giant pair of priapic verdigris topiaries, right? Ok, so her spaces often veer toward the fantastic, but that's not such a bad thing, is it? Can we not just pick and choose certain ideas and apply them to our own home design?

Enough rhetoric. I am concluding my argument with a barrage of images from what I think is the most interesting hotel she has designed for the Viceroy empire -- Miami. It's maximalist in the extreme, but I could tear up a weekend at that spa.

So what do you think? Did you notice the giant head sculpture looks a lot like the one Karly found at Round Top? Did you catch the Eadweard Muybridge inspired mural in the spa locker room? Did you see the couch in the pool???

I rest my case and await your rebuttal, gentle readers.

Castles Made of Sand

So I bought a copy of Vogue to read on the plane to Hawaii. I don't normally indulge in fashion porn, but it had this awesome picture of Michelle Obama on the cover and I couldn't resist. Hidden deep within the magazine I found an article on modern art displayed at castles that blew my mind, and not in a good way. It opens with the writer quoting a princess pal, '"We have an enormous portfolio of [castles]," she said, sighing. "... in the modern world it's a matter of finding a point to having one, especially when life really revolves around cities."' WTF?! Did you just read what I did? Is she really complaining about having TOO MANY CASTLES? Is she really complaining about having too many castles when tent cities for the homeless are springing up all across America? Um, hello -- Grapes of Wrath, much? Not only that, but look what the super rich and super bored have chosen to do with the extra castles they have lying around:

Ha. Ha. Ha. What a hilarious joke! I'm grabbing the castle! Bust.

If I had a castle, it wouldn't matter if it were in Timbukfreakingtu. Everyone I know would be knocking at my door, all, "Wasssup!? We grillin' tonight?" Why? BECAUSE I HAVE A CASTLE. And it would be a hell of a lot cooler than these stuffy warehouses for furniture "updated" with fugly sculptures.

First of all, it would be majestic. Methinks the Drottningholm Palace in Stockholm is lovely and spacious enough, and I always enjoy a good lake view.

Nothing wrong with having a private theatre, is there?

I am all over that floor, the mural overhead, and the supersized chandelier.

And I wouldn't mind housing a Delft collection in my Delft blue room.

But one wild night of boozy barbecuing, and all that gilded damask would be reduced to tinder. I just can't get behind all that fancy furniture, especially with the fancy surroundings.

So, while I'm dreaming of stealing a castle from the rich to give to my nouveau poor middle class self, I may as well dream up some new furnishings to go with, don't you think?

Maybe crazy new French furnishings company, Moustache, has got it right. You all know how much I love a mix of old and new, so Moustache is pulling at my heartstrings with their super mod collection shot in super regal settings.

Yes those are lamps that look like puffy marshmallows, but I dig the contrast.

At least I wouldn't need to buy myself a chef hat for the barbecue, right?

It's good that Moustache doesn't make a lot of pieces with small, delicate parts, as those things tend to end up casualties of late night parties. The bright colors help offset blurred vision, too.

Oh yeah, and I'm having a kid. Here's where the nanny will babysit him in the nursery.

So what do you think? I'm having a party at my new castle and you're all invited! You don't mind that it's not in the city, do you? Or that it doesn't have a giant, menacing hand outside? Well, at least if you lose your job I've got some extra space, and some extra chairs to boot. Hooverville Palace, here we come!