Benched... in Fantasy Land

Sorry for the light posts -- I had a bit of a medical scare, but everything's a-ok. In the meantime I'm on a short furlough, a bedresty plan of (in)action that involves very little save slacking. Lots of slacking. Anyhow, I really wish I were laid up somewhere fancier. A place where they gave facials and massages would be nice, but I'd bypass even that to stay here:

Chateau de la Goujeonnerie, a place so magical it's staffed by unicorns. UNICORNS.

Sure it's a little princessy, but I deserve the best... says I.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just blinded by the bling, but I imagine myself having fabulous conversations with mustachioed gentlemen in waistcoats and ladies with fabulous clothes who don't need hairspray and makeup to look good.

Then I would paw all the priceless antiques and finger the lacquered lamps before I retired to bed (which is where I was supposed to be all along... shhhhhhh).

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Later, buds. Gotta get busy reading bad books and watching terrible tv.

Be well.

Crystal Blue Oasis

Why hello homies, I'm back from Hawaii and still rubbing the sand out of my eyes -- both literally and figuratively. It's Monday, I have a major case of jet lag, Ike started his first day of school today (sniff), and this week is already trying to crush my soul, but I won't let it win. I plan to bust a cap in Monday's ass by treating you to some pics of a fabulous estate where my mom may or may not be getting married.... well, she's getting married fo sho, she's just not sure if this is the place. I think she needs a nudge, so let's help her decide, ok?

Yeah, I know -- super shitty location. But we'll try to make do.

Is it wrong of me to be so easily persuaded by fire?

I don't need an arrow to point the way to the ocean, do I?

Did you know that none of the beaches on Hawaii are private, and therefore a homeless bum could at any time waltz up the beach to wreck your wedding? Somehow I don't think that would be a problem here.

Plus there is a super fancy pool, so who cares about the stinky beach anyway?

After five years of living in Hawaii, I might be a bit jaded. But I'm pretty sure this place is still good enough to host my mom's fancy wedding.

What do you think?

Also, in your face, Monday!