What Have I Done?!

After months of resisting the urge to buy another single solitary stick of furniture for this overstuffed house, I finally gave in to temptation. Craigslist has been wining and dining me with brass this and lucite that, but I stayed strong. Until something suddenly came up.

tobia scarpa

And now I have a seven foot long black leather grub worm in my kitchen/dining area.

I hope you will forgive the janky photos as I didn’t have a lot of time to play Richard Avedon this morning, but I think you can still make out the fact that I have a GIANT BLACK LEATHER THING IN MY DINING ROOM.

tobia scarpa

Actually, this “thing” is a Tobia Scarpa for Cassina chaise and matching ottoman (with labels!) that I scored for $75 including delivery. BLAMMO! It’s a pretty sweet deal considering that it should go for a minimum of 10x that price. If you could find one.

tobia scarpa

It do be having some issues, though. Like a missing button, and some scuffs and a few deep gouges. I think I’m going to order some leather dye and polish this bad boy up, but I don’t know what to do about the button. I’m totally open to advice on leather care.

tobia scarpa

But some day I’d really like to reupholster this behemoth because black leather is not the bizness — sorry, black leather lovers. Karly says it will be a nightmare, but how awesome would this be in a super slubby oatmeal linen?

kelly wearstler

Oh, you know… kinda like the ones Kelly Wearstler has in her fancy beach mansion. The mansion that she’s selling for 21.9 MILLION. Maybe she wants to buy my chair, too?

But I digress. It can’t be that hard to drape some fabric over the frame, wave your hands over the surface, and hey presto! this baby into life, right? Can I get an Amen?

But my biggest problem is that I bought a giant thing and I AINT GOT NOWHERES TO PUT IT, which is why it’s occupying its own zip code in my dining area. Shhhhhh, do not tell the Hunny about this little epiphany I just had, since he was totally against this really stupid purchase in the first place, and I do not feel like putting up with his I told you so shenanigans. But in my defense, this picture was dancing like a sugarplum in my head when I decided I just had to had to had to have it:

karl anderson scarpa

Thank you, Karl Anderson, for taking such a gorgeous stunning beautiful picture and making me buy this dumb thing I don’t need. You bastard.

Ok, I bet you thought this post was going to end right here, but you were so very wrong. It gets worse.

pace coffee table

You see, along with the chaise I also bought this Pace Collection coffee table for another whopping $75. BLAMMO! Score! Plus the dude delivered it to my house along with the chaise, which is a big fat freaking deal, since it weighs 200 lbs. At least. Seriously, I do not want this thing to live in my cramped, overstuffed office, but now that it’s in there, it’s going to take an act of congress to move it.

(Sidenote: check out the teak desk (which used to be our dining table) raised up on blocks in the reflection of the chrome. This was the Hunny’s brilliant solution to a too low table that would not allow him to roll his chair underneath it. We are keeping it klassy at our house.)

pace coffee table

So now I have a giant black thing in a place where no seat should be, plus a coffee table that I can’t move because it weighs more than me, Ben and Ike, stacked up like a pyramid of clowns on a bicycle. I took a picture of my finger next to the glass and chrome so you can see how thick it is. It’s probably going to drop through our floor any second.

pace coffee table

So I’m thinking I could put the Scarpa chaise and ottoman against the wall where that futon (covered with a tapestry) is right now, and the futon will go live with someone else — which is no great loss since futons are hideous, worthless pieces of furniture, anyway. But before I can put the chaise there, I have to move the coffee table. UGH. I suppose the table can live at the end of my giant bed, which I promise to photograph someday after I clean my room, but that probably won’t happen anytime soon, so don’t hold your collective breath. You can’t have everything, you know.

I personally am taking a very deep breath right now, and I’m going to put on my magic brain cap and figure out how to solve this dilemma. I’m afraid the solution involves buying a bigger house, and that makes me all anxious in my innards, and now I feel an overwhelming sense of analysis paralysis.

I think I might just take a quick look at Craigslist instead.