What Am I Doin? What Am I Doin?

I’m looking at houses, mayne, that’s what I’m doin. We need another bedroom, and we desperately want better schools and quieter streets because we’re old like that. I must have eyeballed hundreds online already, and negged dozens in person, but today we may have found a contender.

Maybe.

It’s over our budget and it’s not perfect, but it’s in a fab neighborhood with excellent schools — which is saying something because Austin schools are not so great. Sorry, but it had to be said. Or typed, as the case may be.

I’d show you a pic of the exterior, but frankly you can’t even really see it. Because it’s built into a hill, and it lies at the bottom of the driveway of death. Sounds great already, right? Yes, but did I mention the views, the miles of wraparound decking, the acre lot, and the seriously amazing neighborhood?

And the WINDOWS. Tons and tons of windows. I’d like to show you more interior shots, but I’ve had my daily fill of microfiber.

Ok, just this one more. Because that window is so cute. And did you see the beams and the real oak floors, the floors that are not stained a hideous shade of red? Also, can I say that the fireplace — while awesome and copper and very unique — must go. It’s, like, 30 shades of too big.

Oh yeah, and there’s carpet in all the bedrooms. At least it’s brand new.

Also, there is a weird midgetty loft to the side of the dining room that I can’t show you because there are no pictures. And the cabinets are not the bizness — nothing a little paint and contact paper can’t cover for the time being, but not long term worthy, either.

If it sounds like I’m trash talking the place, well I probably am. I’m skeered. We aren’t rich, but we aren’t used to carrying much debt, either. We live modestly, and this — this is not a modest house. This house will make us poor. But it will also make us all upwardly mobile and shit. Poor rich people. And that seems like a lonely place.

Do you think there are coyotes that eat rich people out there? I bet they might even settle for middle class meat.