That Time I Auditioned For an HGTV Show
Sorry for the light (to no) posting, but things be crazy up in here. As you may have oh so cannily surmised from my title, I’ve been a little busy doing things I swore I would never do. Things like trying out for a reality show that involves competing for money on national freaking tv. I must have huffed too much lacquer remover because that’s just nuts… right?
So, here’s the scoop — I spent a week of my life shooting self portraits and portfolio pictures and filling out MASSIVE ridiculous mountains of paperwork so that I could attend a local HGTV casting call for a house flipping show. Hilarious/not hilarious side story: I was almost done laying out 15 pages of said paperwork drama on a program I don’t normally use when I left for literally five seconds and turned around to find Luke standing at my computer, playing it like a piano… 15 pages totally jacked up. Hahahaha kids are so cute. Sort of.
Anyway, head shots happened:
What? I didn’t tell you that it’s a team challenge? The plot thickens. So if we get on the show we have to renovate an entire house with no subcontractors. By ourselves. All of it. This is Matt, he’s Karly’s husband and he’s a contractor. So basically my plan for world domination involves me bossing Matt around while he lays acres of teeny tiny tile in a herringbone pattern all over the walls, floors, stove… anything that will move. I can’t wait for him to read this news!
So Matt and I head to the casting at a hotel with terrible carpet. I’m not very good at selfies or apparently even at the ubiquitous instagram foot shot, because it looks like I have cankles and there’s a big ugly scab with a flashing filtered arrow pointing towards it. But check out that fugly carpet! I have photo priorities.
In between nitpicking the delightful decor we’re just sitting there, assessing our competitors. It seems like virtually everyone but me has spent more than five minutes on their (very large) hair and makeup, and I bet nobody else got puked on that morning after arm wrestling a 13 month old all night for four hours of sleep. Other businessy people are setting up installations for clients. We are playing (and winning) iphone physics quiz. Did I mention priorities?
To make a long story short, we waited three hours for a three minute interview. We did our silly dog and pony show, and then we went home.
And got called back.
Fast forward to a couple of days later, when I still have not slept or ironed the tired wrinkles off my face. We are then subjected to an hour long interview under lights and camera with a pair of adorably adorable ladies. I’m pretty sure I aced that shit — just being honest (I hope). I mean I could always always always do better but I think I interview well thanks to years of teaching and many more years spent talk talk talking at my husband. Meanwhile I have no idea what Matt said because they split us up and interviewed separately for a while… like at a police station. Hopefully he didn’t mention the dead bodies.
So that’s what’s been happening. We should know in October if we will be famous and stuff. Wish us luck!
I really wanted to take pictures of our house all blissfully clean and styled up, but I only had 2.2 spare seconds to shoot so this is what you get.
Can you say giant amazing lucite coffee table? Can you say it five times really fast?
Now say, Erin you’re not too old to be on tv. Because apparently I have gone from shrinking violet to total fame whore. Soon I will assuredly become insufferable and direct all inquiries to my publicist, so please leave a comment now while you can.
You dudes rule.