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Art Hoarder

Well it’s that time. It’s time to fire up the hearth and dribble hot chocolate all over my white pillows, but not on the dark leather couch because that would be too convenient to clean. THANKS KIDS. Anyway, there are a great many things going on over here — some top secret wink wink stuff that is very exciting but I can’t tell you exactly what it is because I want you to live. These things are keeping me very busy, and along with client work and impending holiday travel I’m pretty much maxed the max out. Except somehow I’m never too busy to buy up enough art to start my own museum. If you follow me on instagram you may already be wise to this situation…

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I think I really am going to open an Etsy store next year. I mean, this is just out of control and there is SO MUCH more. Also, I can’t stop. By that I mean I have several ebay listings bookmarked that I am FORCING myself not to bid on.

For now.

Somewhat coincidentally I am currently featured on Rise Art as “Blogger of the Moment.”  You can head over here to read my interview where I say some silly things, but I am serious about art. Good art is one of the great things about life.

Thanks, Rise Art!

And thanks to y’alluns for continuing to read despite my erratic posting. I promise cross my heart to make it good soon. Enter yon email to subscribe and stay tuned for updates…

Zaijian!

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Benched… in Fantasy Land

Sorry for the light posts — I had a bit of a medical scare, but everything’s a-ok. In the meantime I’m on a short furlough, a bedresty plan of (in)action that involves very little save slacking. Lots of slacking. Anyhow, I really wish I were laid up somewhere fancier. A place where they gave facials and massages would be nice, but I’d bypass even that to stay here:

Chateau de la Goujeonnerie, a place so magical it’s staffed by unicorns. UNICORNS.

Sure it’s a little princessy, but I deserve the best… says I.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just blinded by the bling, but I imagine myself having fabulous conversations with mustachioed gentlemen in waistcoats and ladies with fabulous clothes who don’t need hairspray and makeup to look good.

Then I would paw all the priceless antiques and finger the lacquered lamps before I retired to bed (which is where I was supposed to be all along… shhhhhhh).

That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

Later, buds. Gotta get busy reading bad books and watching terrible tv.

Be well.

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A Simple Plan

A hundred years ago I wrote the last installment of our kitchen renovation saga. Surely you have been waiting with baited breath to see the finished product, and sadly ye must wait yet a while longer. Because my kitchen currently looks like this:

erin's kitchen renovations

SIGH. No, that is not the inside of a messy snowglobe, that is indeed our humble kitchen, which is currently being worked over by the bandit twins, Hunny Bunny and Mattypants. Matty has been installing our soapstone counter for the past fews days, and it appears we are finally in the final stages (hooray!). But for now, I am trapped in the back room due to swirling drifts of dust and stinky epoxy. DOUBLE SIGH.

So, here I am, fantasizing about hotels again, and the crazy ass Faena Hotel in Buenos Aires, Argentina, is the latest to catch my gimlet eye:

faena hotel thomas loof

Tacky, overwrought, and stuffed full of enough red velvet and marble to make Liberace blush? Yes, yes, and yes. Swoon. And the best part is the dining room…

faena hotel

Do you see the UNICORN HEADS? With evil ruby eyes? Sorry about all the yelling today, but the dust is getting to me. And then there are the unicorn heads, which obviously warrant a little extra screaming.

faena hotel

I may need some time in the spa, so I can chill the bleep out.

faena hotel

Afterward, I will catch the evening show with an ersatz Liza Minelli — someone in drag would be most suitable — and if s/he doesn’t belt out “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” I may get stabby.

faena hotel

Then I would dine with 19 of my closest new friends on what would most assuredly be tiny portions of minuscule quail and midget greens, followed by a mandatory chocolate milkshake.

faena hotel

After drinking far too much wine (yes, I am preggers, but this is MY fantasy, ok?) I would fight my vertigo while staring at the hypnotic crystal bead thingie hanging over the stairwell.

faena hotel

Then HB and I would retire to our deluxe suite, where we would sit back to back in our matching chesterfield couches, enjoying our alone time together.

faena hotel

When alone time is over, we’ll head for a relaxing bath in our bathroom, where a big bang explosion of carerra must have occurred in the not so distant past. I really don’t know what to think about this… lots and lots and lots of marble? Check. Swan faucets? Check. Mirrored cabinet? Check. Vessel sinks? Yes, those, too. Oh hell, I’m just going to enjoy my bath. I’m not here to do inventory.

faena hotel

Night night time is when the magic happens. Sorry, I could provide details, but HB is a little shy. Oh, fine. After playing with the unicorns, sweating in the spa, eating a mini brace of quail, drinking far too much, and relaxing in the tub, we’re just going to pass out. Cold.

I told you it was magical.

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Globamarama

Oh, it’s a beautiful day, filled with glitter and puppies and warm apple pie with sparkly sprinkles on top!

inauguration day

At Obama’s inauguration, I expect there will be unicorns and rainbows, with pink cheeked babies and parades of fairy princesses. (If you’re a boy, I guess there will be… trucks? Sports? What DO men like, anyway?) Unisex fireworks will light the sky and the grime of dark ages shall be swept away by the glow of a truthy new Renaissance (insert angel’s trumpets here).

So in honor of this special day, I am passing on pedestrian red, white and blue, and instead I am going straight for da dazzle. Only happy objects shall grace these pages, only glowing bastions of brightness. But I’m omitting already obvious lamps and chandeliers, for the aura and glow of better days to come must be shared by all.

aladdin table

Stuart Haygarth’s Aladdin Table is designed to act as a museum showcase for precious, sentimental objects. Let’s say we stuff this sucker full of a better economy, peace in the Middle East, and a brighter, more purple future for our children.

suck uk coffee table

Have a seat around this Illuminating Coffee Table and develop your plans for a new world order. Item one on the manifesto: There must be more hot pink. Everywhere.

birgit ostengaard

If you’re feeling a little lost in transition, perhaps these Top of the Iceberg lights by Birgit Ostergaard can help you find your way through the darkness. They might also remind you that after Obama conquers the economy, war, education and healthcare, he probably should deal with that dastardly global warming.

refined sugar studio

In the new world, no one shall go hungry, and this thousand-points-of-light table by Refined Sugar Studio will help to remind you that you are fortunate to have oh so many choices for foodstuffs: you could eat meat, eat fat, or even eat me. I am really hoping the Eat Me option is meant to evoke the slang, and not meant in a Soilent Green kind of way. That is not a vision of the future I want to embrace.

lite brite table

Of course, you could configure your own destiny with this Lite Brite Table. So turn on the magical shining light and make a steamboat, a chicken, a tropical fish — a lemonade sign or whatever you wish! Aren’t you loving the shape of things to come?

In this new shining era, everything will require you to wear your sunglasses at night, so you can — so you can — see the light that’s right before your eyes.

lee broom

See what I mean? She’s obviously blinded by the light, hence the outfit. In her defense, Lee Broom’s manipulated furnishings are pretty effing cool despite possessing potentially damaging effects to one’s retinas.

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On the other hand, a little extra illumination never hurt anyone. Unless you enjoy wearing clown makeup.

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I’m suddenly considering getting crafty with my Chesterfield couch… This just looks so darn comfortable!

lee broom

Oh, weird circus Thonet, you light up my life.

lee broom

This is where I would sit and consider the first day of the rest of your lives… ooops! I mean, that’s where Obama would sit.

yonoh coatracks

After a long hard day of plotting, planning and designing, take a break and hang your hat on these groovy glowing coat racks by Yonoh Design. Enjoy the lovely, wholesome glow of sunny days that are sweeping the clouds away… Yes, friends, we are on our way to where the air is sweet!

But, can you tell me how to get a ride to the inauguration street?

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