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That Time I Auditioned For an HGTV Show

Sorry for the light (to no) posting, but things be crazy up in here. As you may have oh so cannily surmised from my title, I’ve been a little busy doing things I swore I would never do. Things like trying out for a reality show that involves competing for money on national freaking tv. I must have huffed too much lacquer remover because that’s just nuts… right?

So, here’s the scoop — I spent a week of my life shooting self portraits and portfolio pictures and filling out MASSIVE ridiculous mountains of paperwork so that I could attend a local HGTV casting call for a house flipping show. Hilarious/not hilarious side story: I was almost done laying out 15 pages of said paperwork drama on a program I don’t normally use when I left for literally five seconds and turned around to find Luke standing at my computer, playing it like a piano… 15 pages totally jacked up. Hahahaha kids are so cute. Sort of.

Anyway, head shots happened:

hgtv headshots

What? I didn’t tell you that it’s a team challenge? The plot thickens. So if we get on the show we have to renovate an entire house with no subcontractors. By ourselves. All of it. This is Matt, he’s Karly’s husband and he’s a contractor. So basically my plan for world domination involves me bossing Matt around while he lays acres of teeny tiny tile in a herringbone pattern all over the walls, floors, stove… anything that will move. I can’t wait for him to read this news!

instagram hgtv

So Matt and I head to the casting at a hotel with terrible carpet. I’m not very good at selfies or apparently even at the ubiquitous instagram foot shot, because it looks like I have cankles and there’s a big ugly scab with a flashing filtered arrow pointing towards it. But check out that fugly carpet! I have photo priorities.

In between nitpicking the delightful decor we’re just sitting there, assessing our competitors. It seems like virtually everyone but me has spent more than five minutes on their (very large) hair and makeup, and I bet nobody else got puked on that morning after arm wrestling a 13 month old all night for four hours of sleep. Other businessy people are setting up installations for clients. We are playing (and winning) iphone physics quiz. Did I mention priorities?

To make a long story short, we waited three hours for a three minute interview. We did our silly dog and pony show, and then we went home.

And got called back.

Fast forward to a couple of days later, when I still have not slept or ironed the tired wrinkles off my face. We are then subjected to an hour long interview under lights and camera with a pair of adorably adorable ladies. I’m pretty sure I aced that shit — just being honest (I hope). I mean I could always always always do better but I think I interview well thanks to years of teaching and many more years spent talk talk talking at my husband. Meanwhile I have no idea what Matt said because they split us up and interviewed separately for a while… like at a police station. Hopefully he didn’t mention the dead bodies.

So that’s what’s been happening. We should know in October if we will be famous and stuff. Wish us luck!

On another tv front, Little Miss Amy Hadley and her fancy YNN crew (or maybe just Jesse the camera dude) came over Tuesday to film another House Proud segment on rugs. My favorite!!!

austin interior designer

I really wanted to take pictures of our house all blissfully clean and styled up, but I only had 2.2 spare seconds to shoot so this is what you get.

Can you say giant amazing lucite coffee table? Can you say it five times really fast?

Now say, Erin you’re not too old to be on tv. Because apparently I have gone from shrinking violet to total fame whore. Soon I will assuredly become insufferable and direct all inquiries to my publicist, so please leave a comment now while you can.

You dudes rule.

 

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TV is the Scourge of Humanity (and Decorating)

Yesterday we thanked The Rev for such a beauteous day off, and then we hit the San Marcos outlets in search of treasure. Because shopping is about cultivating peace and understanding, right? If we hadn’t actually found something worthy of the trip, I would be depressed that I live such a miserable and shallow existence. On the other hand, have you seen what was happening with our tv situation?

RAGE. ANGER.

Also, WOW I really need to take some new pics of the house. But I am lazy and Ike is home sick, so no pictures today.

I suck.

Anyhow, this is what we bought to disguise our components and “blend in” with the wall. Say hello to the West Elm Niche buffet. It usually retails for $699, but we got it for $199 because it had a few tiny chips here and there. High five.

While I kept holding out for some amazing antique to come my way, it actually fits the space fairly well. And it was cheap, so when Better Half Ben figures out how to hide the components by running cable through 2x4s and bricks (probably never), I won’t feel bad about abandoning ship.

Now I just need to figure out how to style this sucker.

I shamelessly stole this image from Naomi of Design Manifest‘s pinterest, which is a total douche move because she was probably planning to post it tomorrow but I need it NOW.

To put myself back in Naomi’s good graces (fingers crossed), I’m showing her Ikea Rast hacks that she used as a tv credenza. Crafty as all get out. I’m thinking I should paint the hardware on the Niche gold, and then steal the shelf idea. Because I am a thief.

I find Celerie Kemble‘s tv set up both charming and hilarious. Should I just put a giant vase full of flowers in front of the tv, cross my fingers, and pray no one notices it’s there? Awesome.

And then there’s fabulous Laura Day. No matter how many times I post this picture, it’s never enough. My take away from this image is to make sure I tune the tv to 2001 or A Clockwork Orange before I photograph it in situ. Oh, and to buy an amazing Ello mirrored credenza, stat.

File that one under #thingsthatwillneverhappen.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some Downton Abbey to watch. Later, taters.

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