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I’m Excited About… Carpet

Your comments and feedback have been the wind beneath my wings, yet I have repaid you with petulance and neglect. All I can say is that it’s 100% nutz up in here, what with trying to sell our dopey old house (actually it’s awesome — I’m just getting tired of this shit), destroying my back, plus choosing paint, wood, and carpet all in the span of a week or two. That’s right — I said the C word. Because when I saw the numbers attached to my fabulous wood floors, I decided to do carpet in the upstairs bedrooms. And let me tell you what: carpet has been the easiest choice of all. Not only that, but I’m kind of in a fever for the flavor.

Sorry to repost this old picture, but hopefully you won’t remember my musings on carpet way back when, so this is all fresh and clean like a summer’s eve to you. I was considering getting seagrass or sisal installed wall to wall, but the price scared me. Well, that and the texture — harsh like a bag of stems and seeds.

Anyhoodle, I’m getting something that looks a lot lot lot like sisal — so much so that it’s even called “Sisal” — but it’s carpet. Soft, delicious carpet.

In case you are concerned for my mental health, rest assured that the effects of huffing paint fumes are known to be totally reversible.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

Headed out to play paint party with Karlyface. Updates tomorrow.

Thanks for your continuing support of Paint Color Waffler’s Nonanonymous.

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Carpet Puncher

Is there anything less appealing than sculpted, 30 year old carpet in mottled shades of hamster hair brown and band aid beige? True, the latest house for sale that The Hunny and I toured was not as spectacular a fail as the house with a tree growing through the middle of the kitchen, but it had its own share of disgusting idiosyncrasies. Carpet, carpet everywhere — in the living areas, the hallways, the bedrooms, even the bathrooms (shudder). As I walked from room to room I felt the gentle crunch underfoot of 30 years worth of dirt, skin and dog hair, and even though I could see past the home’s prairie wallpaper, its frilly curtains, cheap plywood cabinets, even its popcorn ceilings, the carpet raised my hackles and left me with a scratchy, hairball feeling in the back of my throat. I wanted to rip that shit out in a rage and punch it in its face.

ugly house

Doesn’t this carpet look like dog farts?

Sadly, we are not highrollers. But we want a big house in a good neighborhood with a huge, wooded yard. For cheap. So we’re probably going to have to fix up whatever we buy, and flooring will most likely top the list. Although we’re passing on the farty carpet house, it did get me to thinking: what if we did buy it and renovate? What would we replace 2500 sq ft of carpet with? Hardwoods are expensive, but to me they’re worth putting in living areas. But what about the bedrooms?

What about… carpet?

sisal carpet

This isn’t so bad, is it?

sisal carpet

Not my favorite bedroom in the world, but I don’t hate the sisal at all.

sisal carpet

And it’s not like I couldn’t layer other rugs over it. Ok, maybe not the zebra…

sisal carpet

But this doesn’t make me angry (just pretend the sisal runs wall to wall — you can do it, mental giants). And carpet would be cheaper than wood, right? Well, probably not the carpet I would want…

kelly wearstler

I would not kick Kelly Wearstler’s carpet out of my bedroom.

kelly wearstler

Or could you imagine having something like this running wall to wall in your bedroom? Kelly Wearstler’s guest house makes me want to swathe everything in neutral patterns.

mary macdonald

If you really had vision (and money to burn), you could even go super bold, like the wall to wall carpet in this Mary MacDonald room.

carpet

Hey, did I malign sculpted carpet earlier? Perhaps it’s not so bad after all.

So, what do y’all think about carpet? Could it ever look modern? How about in a super nice sculpted berber or a sisal? Does anyone out there have fancy carpet? Did it cost 500 zillion dollars?

Am I crazy for even thinking about this?

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