I’m about to bombard you with a series of roundups, because that’s all I have time for. Hopefully they’re good roundups, rather than roundups of pinecone arrangements and shapeless taupe sweaters. These are special obsessions that I have been carefully manicuring for years. It’s taken me quite a while to cull the what-I-really-love wheat from the what-fashion-dictates-I-should-love chaff, but in my golden years I have finally found what truths I hold to be self evident. And if you can follow all that punctuation/aphorism drama, you get a gold star.

So hot on the heels of my quilt love comes another textile that I want to wrap my naked body in and snuggle up with all night long. Even more. I be talking about antique tapestries, y’all. I’m smitten by the muted tones, intricate details, and sense of gravitas they bring to a room.

That just happened. If you aren’t as excited as I am about this, GET EXCITED.

Robert Couturier is and will always be my decorator boyfriend.

See what I mean about spending the night with some tapestries? They’re giving me the bedroom eyes.

Tiny picture, amazing idea. I would definitely rub my nether regions all over a tapestry upholstered settee.

Zoffany’s new tapestry print Arden sports unicorns, by golly! Pure as Lancelot and Guinevere, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Zoffany even makes a tapestry inspired wallpaper. You know you want it in your life. Hot sex.

Sure, I may be a smidgen sleep deprived. But I am right about this — tapestries are awesome.

The end.

[pinterest]

You know what is even more exciting than paint drama? Yesterday Robert Couturier left a comment on this post. I know I just casually typed that all deadpan like, but my heart is seriously trying to escape from my chest right now. The only thing keeping me in check is the restraining order that will most assuredly be issued against me should I become a little too rowdy whilst proclaiming my undying love for RC. Still, the man is a design god so it’s not like I can just pretend that I’m not scrawling “Mrs Robert Couturier” over and over inside my “special” notebook. Here’s why:

I am obsessed with his sculptural sensibility. The man understands space and how to create an element of surprise.

He knows how to make tradition fresh and livable.

He mixes and matches eras effortlessly.

Rest assured I am taking notes for my own suburban English mini mansion (all 2350 sq ft of it) — how to strike the balance between overdone and underwhelming?

I think an aubergine sofa may be in order.

Thank you, Robert Couturier, for making my day year.

[Architectural Digest]

For a long while I’ve lived in a frightening jungle of chaos, which I had the temerity to label “eclecticism.” Don’t get me wrong — I love a good mix, but now I’m working on adding some match. I simply don’t think my Type A control freak personality is right for the boho jumble (which some people obviously put together with super panache and style). Because when I try, it just comes off as bag lady chic. Thanks to your comments and emails on this frantic post, I’ve turned to the symmetry side. I need some pairs of things. This may require buying actual new furniture (ARRGGHHH), which is a terrifying prospect… so terrifying that I will probably procrastinate. A lot.

So for now I’m going to study a bit.

Suss out the possibilities.

I do love a good pair of interesting objects.

This is my favorite room right now. I want my house to look like this, forever and ever. Amen.

Look at that — four pictures. No odd numbers. Two pairs — I am working on this symmetry thing already.

Or I am turning into Rain Man.

Shit.

[Roger Davies, Stuart McIntyre, World of Interiors, Elle Decor]

We have discussed this before, but I have decided that Acid Wasp is like grandma chic if your grandmother were someone super cool and very trippy, like Keith Richards (not to be confused with Johnny Depp pretending to be Keith Richards, aka Pirate Wasp). Doesn’t Keith Richards kind of look like your grandma, even? Just kidding, that would be highly insulting to grandmas everywhere. Anyway, I am derailing myself with this bizarre KR fixation. This post is about swank, traditional rooms. On acid.

The ruffles make it waspy, the art and colorblocking make it trippy.

A bedroom in the same home, owned by perfumer Frederic Malle. The wallpaper/quilt combo is just so outrageous.

This gift came via email from one of my OG blog buds Molly, who informed me this New York townhouse is for sale. In real life. I mean, you could buy this sweet pad (if you were packing 6 million B’s). That couch is really changing the way I view craigslist… $100 chintz couches are more to scale with my budget.

Jason Nixon’s home came to me from the always lovely Anita, who knew I would be blown away by the insanity. This is like acid AND mushroom wasp, with a heaping helping of everysingleotherdrugknowntoman on top.

I’m still on the fence as to whether Daphne Guinness’ fabulous apartment fits into this mix. Maybe a little too fashion forward?

This Trad Home room is kind of the penultimate Acid Wasp design. Classy (not klassy) sofa in fancy Quadrille fabric: check. Amphora on the wall: check. A million mixed prints: check. I kind of find myself wishing the coffee table were something a bit more woody and traditional, though. Wtf is happening to me?

Notice I said penultimate, because this parlor in Robert Couturier’s Soho loft is the ultimate Acid Wasp design. English rococo painting floating above a 50s zebra sofa? Genius. The red rug knocks me out, too.

So, what do you dudes think about all this wacky do stuff I’ve been posting? Do you yearn for the days of mid mod and 70s brass? Is it all a bit too too much?

I think that may be the point, though.