Nothing screams cheap n shitty remodel quite like the formica counters and beige screenprinted tiles superglued to every surface of both our tiny bathrooms. When we bought our 60s ranch house, we knew the kitchen needed fixing — especially since we have an open floorplan and the sea of almond formica burned at my sensi eyes from every angle of our living room. Not so with the bathrooms, whose doors remain conveniently closed most of the day. Only when seated upon my throne do I survey the surroundings of our craptacular kingdom and daydream about taking a sledgehammer to the entire porcelain palace. But then I flush those dirty ideas down the drain because renovating a bathroom just seems like such a pain in the… ass.
If we ever do yank out those pukey privies, this is what I want:
Yeah, I know — the pendulum may be swinging a little far in the fancy direction, but did I mention how queasy that damn formica makes me?
Created for King George VI and his wife Elizabeth’s royal visit to Paris in 1938, this bathroom stands as a bastion of civility in the face of impending Nazi invasion.
I can’t honestly say that my own bathroom needs to make such a statement, but it does need gold tile.
Details, people. Details.
I kind of always assumed we would do a modernish update for our bathrooms, but this has ruined me for anything you could possibly buy at Ikea or Home Depot. Well, I suppose I could start with a more pedestrian round mirror. But I’m not kidding about the gold tile… I urgently need it. To fight Nazis. Or maybe just to shower.
Yes. Golden showers.Continue Reading