Every year Karly and I do an exhaustive, week long guide full of fantastic gift ideas for family and friends. Well, this year instead of exhaustive, I’m just exhausted. Plus I’m all by my lonesome until next year. Nevertheless, I’m still going to post a few goodies when I find them (check out my latest posts on Books I Want, which would make perfect gifts for the visually oriented).

Today’s gift comes courtesy of Locher’s Paris Atelier, home of Nicole Locher, who transforms found objects into unique apparel, jewelry, and bags. This one is perfect for a special someone who needs a jolt of self confidence, or maybe someone who just needs to know that you think they are the shit.

For anyone who may complain that this item lacks, ah, refinement, simply say to them: it’s handmade in Paris, bitch.

I Am the Shit necklace, $69, available here.

Ok, I am resolving not to work myself into a tinsel wrapped tizzy over Christmas this year. To this end, I have created something of a seasonally appropriate manifesto. I will:

#1. Start buying gifts early.

#2. Avoid the mall at all costs.

#3. Spend my free time enjoying lights and smelling delicious trees (and eating eating eating).

I refuse to make this season about expensive electronics and fancy shit no one really cares about. I will buy vintage, unique, handmade; I will not buy sharp edged, plastic crap. I will not become a holiday hating grinch, despite past performances that speak to the contrary. I might even crack a smile or two.

My current hero and inspiration:

Jacques-Henri Lartigue, a photographer whose career began at the tender age of six and spanned almost 100 years.

There is a certain zany elegance in Lartigue’s images. As a young man, he exuberantly captured the moment in a radically changing society.

With works beginning in the early 1900′s, Lartigue’s photos document a modern era emerging from the sooty darkness of the industrial revolution. Drunk on freedom and the shiny newness of technology, everything is a celebratory event met with wonder and awe.

So, this Christmas I’m going to (try to) lose the jaded cynicism with which I generally approach things.

Don’t worry — I’m sure it will come back sooner rather than later. But I think I just might like to spend the rest of the year doing cartwheels in the yard with Ike.

Buy the book for someone special here. It’s the autobiography of a life well lived.

For the last few days Erin and I have been pounding the interweb pavement bringing you the best holiday gifts chump change can buy; but we know what you’re really here for:  our billion dollar round up.  We spent lots of time finding the world’s most exclusive items, Lucite Chanel Briefcases, Diamond Studded Fixed Gear Bikes, $320,000 prize cows, the list goes on.  But we realized, you know, if someone is going to drop a billion skrillas on their beloved, why not go with a gift that says “I think you’re awesome and I want the whole world to know.  Forever.”

That’s why we here at Design Crisis Headquarters are proud to offer the world’s Most Exclusive, Most Expensive Holiday Gift Ever (fact).

For 1 billion dollars cash, you may purchase a life-long ad on design-crisis.com.  That’s right!  Erin and I will continue blogging for the rest of our natural born lives in order to ensure that the whole world knows your BFF is totally awesome.  Want to promote her business?  Great!  Want to show a picture of her holding a baby kitten?  No Problem!  Whatever it is you want to share with the planet, this is your chance!  Act now, this special holiday offering won’t last long.  After December 25th Design Crisis ad opportunities will revert to measly civilian rates with laughable 30-day contracts. To reserve your eternal ad on Design Crisis, contact us at hollaback@design-crisis.com today!

Ho Ho Ho, we’re climbing the gift guide charts here at DC headquarters:  today we’ve made it to the under $500 category.  I’m hoping and preying that any of you taking notes have me on your list.  I mean, those $25 gifts were nice, but don’t you really want to show me how much you care?  As Erin says, recession-schmession.  At least, I think she’s said that.

You know I love gold.  and black.  and gold and black together.  So, basically, I’ll be happy when you hand me any of these:

Love / Hate Convertible Chain Shades, $252

Suspiciously similar to D & G DXG Camcorder, $150

Lowrider Headphones, $128 (keeping my fingers crossed that you can find them in black.  or just all gold.  yes, all gold sounds good)

Loop Candelabra, $123  (I’ve been dreaming of owning one of these ever since Erin did This post)

Right out of my personal wish list: Pantone Color Bridge Set, $119

Ceramic Bubbles Candle Holder by Jaime Hayon, 387….. Euros (whont, whont)

Life Size Grazing Sheep, $448  (totally, completely, 100% worth the price) (seriously)

Equus Pedestal Bowl, $450  I wanted it for my table last year and, yes, I want it for my table again this year.

Humbert Throw by Missoni Home, $375

Park Planters, $100  You really should go to their site to check these out… most of the sculptures depict things you don’t want to see in the park.  Think George Michael.  Got it?

Copenhagen Terrariums, $145 – $195  Perhaps these come with a handy guide explaining how to keep plants alive inside a sealed container unlike my vintage terrarium with, ahem, dead plants nestled under the plastic.

Braided Mixed Metal Chain Necklace, $120

Paper Cut art, $300

So there you go.  500 gifts for 500 dollars.  I mean, a few gifts for 500 dollars.  Whateves.  It really doesn’t even matter at this point since tomorrow I’ll be bringing you the ultimate, most mind blowing Christmas gift of your scene loving life.  Buckle Up.

Perhaps you are a shopping procrastinator — one of those crazy people who get high off paying a gajillion bucks for overnight shipping from Amazon. Well, this week Karly and I are making it our mission in life to help you spend some skrillaz without resorting to praying for the Fedex god to have mercy on your feet dragging soul. Before you know it, Chrishannzakuh will be all up on you like white on rice, so get jiggy with it and put some ho ho ho in the holiday with one of these scintillating gifts.

$100 will buy a lot of shiny golden goodness. Clockwise from top left: Betseyville Lucky Stripes clutch $62 | Harry Allen Pig Bank $99 | Set of six gold forks $84 | Tobias Wong gold leafed porcelain cup and saucer set $75.

Super excellent limited edition 20×28 poster by art collective Jeanspezial $87.

Enormous switchboard poster for bebes or grownups who dream of flying $62.

Boys love toys (and girls do, too). Clockwise from top left: Recycled cassette tape tie is audible if you run a tape head over it $90 | Le Boombox bag comes with a built in amplifier $56 | Diana camera in pretty primary brights $99 | iKaraoke $60.

Amazing handcrafted leather rabbit mask by TomBanwell is good for the naughty and the nice. $69.

I wanna rock! Gold and silver Mini Modern stacking rings $90.

Cool jewels. Zipper necklace $69 | Painted silk necklace $75.

I am a wee bit obsessed with scarves. Reclaimed colorblock cashmere shawl by hautegoat $72 |  Necklush $62.

That’s because scarves are AWESOME. Mohair shawl by sweetknitting $72.

He’s baaaaack! Little Joseph is sure to warm the cockles of your heart with his sweet lovable creepy baby face $99.

I have had a major crush on these stacking Totem cups since I saw them here. Buy them. Ship them to me. $59.

Housewares in eyepopping colors make holiday entertaining fun. Vodka helps, too. Agate coasters $55 |  Eight piece nesting bowl set includes a colander and measuring cups $58.

Calling all ballers… Gold plated Recession Necklace $65. Just because you don’t have a million bucks doesn’t mean you have to look all scroungy and poor.

Alright highrollers, let’s face it — in this economy $100 is a lot of money. But hopefully you found the perfect something to tempt you to crack open the rusty old wallet and shower your family and friends with money love. And if you’re really Scrooge Mcduck just aswim in gold coins, then tune in tomorrow for the Under $500 edition.

Recession? What recession?

Friends, it’s that time of year again — time to open your hearts (and wallets) to the magic of the holiday spirit. It’s easy to get caught up the in the whirlwind of Cabbage Patch Kids, Tickle Me Elmos and Zhu Zhu pets, but let’s all agree on something: giving gifts should feel good, and getting your post holiday bank statement shouldn’t induce an aneurysm. So, kick back and celebrate with a variety of fiscally fun gifts that will have everyone singing joy to the world  — all you boys and girls.

Gifts for everyone! Clockwise from top left: Marie Gardeski hand soap $20 | Gracia + Selena gold leafed soup bowl $15 | 35mm pinhole camera kit $27 | Stephen Crowhurst playing cards $14.

Groovy expandable vinyl bags made from recycled billboards collapse into flat discs for easy packing. Stretch Bag $16.

Stay warm Cyndi Lauper style: recycled cashmere and angora arm warmers by cashmeredejavu on Etsy $10.

Shirts for the lovable nerd in your life: My Blood Is Rich In Irony shirt, $12 | Heavy Metal shirt $16.

Statement jewelry that won’t break the bank: Diamond Ring in red acrylic $12.

Rock out with your bling out. Ear buds $10.

Part Francis Bacon, part intergalactic apocalypse, 100% awesome. Disco Peak print by Ricky Allman $20.

All they want to do is dance. Critters Windup $12.

Find out if cats really always land on their feet. Cat-a-pult $10.

Streamlined design makes cooking fun tolerable. Sagaform stainless steel and wood cake serving set $22 | Sagaform self watering herb pot $20

Ahoy matey! These napkin rings can be custom made with your initials. From Brooklynrehab on Etsy. Set of six $24.

High style shakers will add pep to your prep. Icosa by Tai Design $29.

Clean your plate and uncover a colorful surprise. Eating brussel sprouts has never been so fun! Poketo’s The Middletons series, set of two $24.

You know you want to. Fisticup $15.

Have some Mondrian with your Lichtenstein. I want these tumblers so badly… $8 each.

Drinking makes learning fun. Coastermaths, set of five $22.

I know what Karly wants for Christmas… Wild Horses kitchen towel $12.

Shall I admit that I kind of despise Christmas? Whenever December rolls around I get antsy and Grinchy, and I start cursing a lot under (and over) my breath. But this little dude has melted my icy, two sizes too small heart.

Happy lil’ Christmas gnome, handmade by Stephanie of Even Cleveland. Tie him to presents or hang him from your tree. For $7, that’s a whole lot of love.

Tomorrow Karly will be back with a deluge of great gifts under $50, so come on back and bring your checkbook.

I promise it won’t hurt a bit.

Remember when the holidays were fun and awesome and filled with toys? My brother and I were so freaking excited on Christmas Eve that we staged reconnaissance missions to determine the specific nature of our gifts piled high beneath the tree. One of us (not me) may or may not have gone a bit far by actually unwrapping said gifts and PEEKING beneath the wrapping paper. I’m sure my brother will be annoyed that I’m ratting him out, but dude — dad totally knows! It doesn’t take a forensics expert to recognize that grubby fingerprints on mangled tape = one excited little brother.

In an effort to recapture that sweet feeling of childish anticipation I am showering you with good time gifts today. Couldn’t we all use a little more fun in our lives?

How much better is a chocolate wrench than a metal one? A lot. Just try eating a metal wrench… gross! I’m not sure these would work on real nuts and bolts, but thankfully there are chocolate versions included in the set. Yes, chocolate nuts.

Speaking of yummy treats, who knew design could be so delicious? Check out this edible version of an iconic Eames house by chocolatier, Thomas Haas. You can even see the recipe here. By the way, how does one grow up to be a chocolatier? I feel like I missed my calling.

The design savvy would also enjoy unwrapping these designer dolls by Olivia Lee. Choose from Empress of Architecture: Zaha Hadid, King of Plastic: Karim Rashid, and Chief of Ceramic: Jaime Hayon. The dolls are supposed to caricature the designers’ personalities while also evoking the styles of their products. All I know is I always thought that Jaime is a cute and cuddly little dollypants.

I bet these Baby Cubs by Insurgent Wilderness Gruppo would satisfy your deep, dark bloodlust for adorable animal misfits. Eyeballs on a spit and blood spattered polar bear cubs, oh my! These dolls may be for grown up children only.

Remember how much cooler Nintendo was before the Wii? Just kidding… sort of. Get back to really basic with a lego rendering of Duckhunt. I love this inanimate tableau of lego taxidermy because those stupid ducks were hard to hit, what with their zigging and zagging. Can you tell I was never a gamer? If you can’t master Duckhunt, you’re kind of a loser.

If you have some extra legos left over after playing games, why not try to be a real champion? Whosoever can duplicate this bust of Freddie Mercury shall be bestowed with the title of Lego Queen (you, too, dudes).

Check out what this guy did with some blocks — made a space invaders cutting board! You can even buy a handmade version, which they repeatedly and vehemently warn is only hand washable. I have included an illustration to reinforce their point, and also to point out that homeboy has a Linux sign over his sink. Hubby would approve.

If you ever hoped and prayed to find a Red Ryder BB gun under the tree, maybe you’ll find this upgrade even more alluring. Hellz yes, that is a My Little Pony AR-15 with a purple night vision scope. Lucky Care Bear body armor sold separately.

You remember in The Christmas Story when Ralphie gets that big pink floppy eared bunny suit and, despite his abject misery, actually has to wear it? Don’t do that to your kids. Sure, you might think this pea green knitted Yoda hat is cute, but will they?

On the other hand, everyone wants a knitted digestive tract. Everyone.

You know what else everyone wants? This crazy cute Monster Skin Rug by Joshua Longo. You should take a look at some of his other toothsome, deranged creatures. I would have included them, but I decided this should be a special holiday family post. Except for the chocolate nuts.

The holidays are all about spreading the love, so don’t forget to include your furry friends in the gift giving process. Perhaps your feline would enjoy a collapsable cardboard Cat Playhouse. Obviously Clint is lovin’ every minute of it. Oh yeah. I think I would have some Christmas claw marks if I tried to shove my half feral little buddy down the hatch, but that’s just me.

Are you feeling the holiday sprit now? Feel like playing a game? Tell me about some of your favorite holiday presents and adventures. I live for your witty and incisive comments. No, really, I do.

Yo Yo Yo wassup big money?! Holla! We here at Design Crisis Head Quarters are big pimpin with our end of the week million dollar gift guide riz-ound up.  We’ve weeded out the bad (no swarovski, diamond or gold plated bling) and the impractical (who gives a couch for Christmas?) to bring you the bestest gifts 1,000,000 skrillas can buy.

My first stop on the extravaganza was First Dibs, the purveyors of eye-popping price tags, I thought for sure they could deliver a few pricey trinkets:

I have to say, I was a little disappointed.  Not only did I go under my budget by a long shot, but those kooks wanted me to buy a $3,900 ribbed bucket.  Bitch Please.

First Dibs also tried to tickle my gift-giving fancy with a 19th century Vietnamese Emperor Bust for $5,714, an Italian Bronze Bust of Senneca for $3,500 (those eyes are tempting), and a Pedro Friedeberg Sculpture of a Caged Saint for $16,500.  That’s Chump Change.

We need to go BIGGER!  More GRAND-E-OSE.  A little birdy told me that Nordtrom was trying to peddle a few exclusive gift packages in the roaring face of our bear economy:

For $50,000 Sam Jones will shoot your family portrait (right) or for $200,000 Ruben Toledo will paint a 12″ x 24″ custom portrait of whateverthehellyouwant.

Norstrom was getting the idea, but the gesture still wasn’t sweeping me off my feet.  Plus, I had all this extra cash to burn.

Then I thought, you know, the best gift of all is time with your family.  Alone.  On a private resort.  Owned by Sir Richard Branson:

For a cool $329,000 Necker Island is all yours for a week-long stay.  Did I just hear someone yell Keg Stand?  Oh, you dudes are classy!

But, then again, why give your pal a week on an island when you can just buy them their own private isle?

Private Islands Online  lists several suitable private islands for our gift-giving pleasure.  The above, Dolphin Jump Key is a sprawling half-acre smack dab off the cost of Florida listed at $995,000.  

If your Christmas Dreams are more home bound, perhaps you could consider bringing the adventure to your friend:

For $100,000 Michael Phelps will come swim a few laps at your holiday pool party.  I bet a few extra dollars gets wifey’s hand on his perfectly-sculpted abs.  If you want more BANG!  More PIZAZZ!  Consider shelling out an even mil for the Purple Pop Icon to sing your friend’s favorite carols.  The gift may only last a few minutes, but the memories will last a lifetime.

Now that we’ve got the wheels turning on a couple of grown-up gifts, let’s think about little junior.  If you don’t give him the most AMAZING, UNATTAINABLE, BADASS gift around, when he gets older he will probably turn to drugs and spend his inheritance on prostitutes.  Better get him one of these:

Levitating Hover Scooter.  Yes!  Like In Back To The Future!  At only $16,999.95 you can even afford to get him an orange vest and a wacky scientist best friend!  If you’re the kind of parent that’s worried about “injuries” or “law suits” consider this stay-at-home, well cushioned 3-D motion simulator from F.A.O. Schwarz.  For $300,000 your kids can move around, just like in a real car!

And for little sally, skip the pony this year.  With all that cash laying around, you’re really going to want to trump all the other parents on the block.  I suggest this:

For $138,000 this sweet little white lion cub could tear it’s way into little Sally’s heart. 

Now that the immediate family is taken care of, it’s time to check everyone else off our list.  Have an outdoorsy uncle?  I have the perfect gift for him:

Grab him the word’s largest uncut quartz rock for $100,000.  Then he can do all his rock climbing from the comfort of his own home without having to worry about such disrupting things as dirt, bugs and peeing outdoors.

If your uncle still insists on making his way to the wilderness, he should do it in Pamala Anderson’s Love Stream, originally gifted to her by Hugh Hefner (see!  great gift!) 

Up for auction (right now!!) is this lovely retrofitted trailer once owned by the Bay Watch Babe herself.  While the price tag is unknown, I’m hoping, praying that you’ll have enough leftover to hire a very professional cleaning crew.

For the culinary connoisseur let me suggest the world’s largest truffle:

For $200,000 you can give a 2 pound tuber to your bestest friend.   Oh, just imagine the look on her face when she opens the box, it’s going to be glorious!

I know this is running long, but, what do you expect, it’s million dollar day and this here post is super-sized.  Let’s go ahead and round up just a couple more things before I bid you adieu to finish your workday:

Want your pals to witness democracy in action?  No problem, for $62,500 and the capacity to sit through grid-lock traffic, you can buy 2 seats to the Obama inauguration.  Of course, I doubt it will be that crowded, so they could probably just show up.  ha.  right.

For your nephew with bright light / big city dreams, how about dropping $750,000 for the opportunity to audition to be the next james bond? 

Just like p.diddy or puff daddy or p’dad, or whatever he calls himself these days, little kenny can have his own audition reel shot, edited and submitted to the powers that be for his chance at the big time.

And finally, you might be thinking that the best gift you could give would be a giant suitcase full of cash.  Wrong.  You need to make it more fun.  Let me make one last suggestion:

How about one million chances to win one million dollars?  That’s right!  For only $1,000,000 your friends could have hours of endless entertainment filled with the excitement and rush of adrenaline that only comes from rubbing the edge of a quarter against the sweet silky silvery side of a scratch-off.  And, who knows, they may even win a few grand!

Yesterday in Austin it was 81 degrees at noon, then snowing at midnight. My sinuses don’t know whether old man winter is coming or going, but the calendar is telling me that Santa Claus is coming to town scarily soon. Thus, therefore, anon, I shall present another day of gift guide goodies, this time for all you high class big spenders.

But not so high class that you can afford to buy a diamond encrusted bling ring from anywhere other than Sears — on sale for $299! Whoo hoo!

I have to say that this guide was crazy hard for me to put together… after all, the only thing I would spend $500 on is a bedroom set or couch from Craigslist. $500 for an unspecified gift offends my sense of frugality, so for you lucky folks with a fat wad of benjamins burning a hole in the pocket of your woolen Armani trousers, I have done my very best to choose luxurious treasures that seem worth their ponderous prices. Breathe easy — there are no Tiffany key fobs or Hermes boxes included anywhere within this post.

You know what I think is worth spending money on? Gnomes. And if I could get that figure for under $500, I’d pay for that, too. Atilla or Napoleon gnome tables, designed by Starck for Kartell, $315 each, at Y Lighting.

In my opinion, natural fibers are always worth the extra buck (or two hundred). On left: Italian Made Washable Cashmere Blanket, king-sized for $270, at Overstock. On right: Dandy Italian-Made Cashmere Fringed Throw, $200, at Overstock. (Overstock has fantastic sheets, too.)

Did I mention that I’m really cold natured? Sorry about the sketchy pictures, but I know you have all seen these blankets splashed across the pages of glossy blogs everywhere… On the left: Alpaca Fur Blanket available in white, ivory and brown, $499, at Amazon. On right: Yves Delorme Mohair blankets, on sale for $200-$480 depending on size, Heirloom Iron Bed Company.

Yet another blanket, but I saved the best for last: LADAK “Wilhelm” Blanket made of unique recycled materials, $285 and 15% of profits will be donated to an Amsterdam shelter for the homeless, at ReForm School. Make sure you enter “2″ into the quanity box and ship the extra one to me!

These Fornasetti plates from his famous “Themes and Variations” series sure beat Precious Moments figurines as great annual gifts for the savvy collector. $206 each, from Unica Home.

Or why not visit New Orleans, DC, Las Vegas and Dubai, this Christmas? notNeutral has introduced four more plates in its “City Plates” series. Hang them on the wall for cultured a mix of sculpture, art and geography. $180 for four, at Supermarket.

Actually, Karly turned me on to Supermarket as a supersource for shopping. They have an awesome assortment of carefully curated art and objects by individuals and small businesses. Case in point: Gold leafed, multi-tiered, Sweets and Desserts Tray, by Blaue Blume, $249 and totally worth it, at Supermarket. Pop-Up Forest in 18k or Silver Plate, by Melissa Borrell, $150, at Supermarket. She also has pop out snowflakes for sale.

Not to be outdone, Generate Design also has some pretty snazzy tablewares. I’ve had my eye on that War Bowl made of fused soldiers from the Battle of Waterloo (apparently fought between France and Britain, for those of us with holes in out historical knowledge) for months now. Since, I have a $500 imaginary budget now, I think I’ll buy one for myself. War Bowl, by mosleymeetswilcox, $389, at Generate. Crazy Cast Banana Bowl — in gold, of course! — by Harry Allen, $119, at Generate.

My other obesession besides blankets is ceramics. Of course, I usually buy mine at thrift stores, but with a grown up budget, I’d run with the big dogs. Clockwise from top left: Vintage White Handmade German Vase, $165, at Ornaments and Objects. Blue Sixties German Vase by Horst Kerstan, $365, at Ornaments and Objects. Red Sixties Jopeko Vase, on sale for $200, at Ornaments and Objects. Blue and Gold Eighties Vase by Gerhard Liebenthron, $145 on sale for $85!, at Ornaments and Objects.

I don’t have much in this gift guide for kids or gents because at this price point they all want Wiis and iPhones, but for the guy (or gal) who has an anachronist’s taste for technology, these digital cameras will fit the bill nicely. And it’s never to early to teach junior what a Leica is. On left: Minox Leica Mini Digital Camera with gold dust trim, $350, at Urban Outfitters. On right: Sweet-ass Rolleiflex Mini Digital Camera, $399, at Urban Outfitters. It even comes in red.

For Christmas, ice is always nice. Buy your man these cufflinks made from vintage watches and he’ll always remember who loves him, because that’s what Christmas is all about: cheesy sentimentality. Omega Rose Gold Cufflinks, $485, at Watch-Cufflinks.com. The ladies will appreciate this faceted cast sterling Form One Ring, $265, at La Pisette. And if you really want to wow her, slip this vintage 80′s Italian necklace of silver and paste stones into her stocking. $500, at Carole Tanenbaum vintage.

Meanwhile, I’ll take these beauties from Laurie Brown Jewelry, if you please. Rat Bone Necklace cast in gold, $448, at Etsy. Gold Rose Thorn earrings, $282, at Etsy. Actually, I’ll take pretty much anything she makes. That lady is a jewelry genius with super style.

Does your special someone have an unsightly gap on the wall… or in their geographic knowledge? This 1957 “Asia” Junior Size Pulldown Map on canvas from Three Potato Four will surely fill the void. $250.

If you know someone who can’t see the forest for the trees, give them this orginal acryclic on canvas painting of a Birch Forest, by Lisa Congdon, via Etsy.

Oh, and finally… my favorite gifts of all. BOOKS!

You are probably thinking, what the hell kind of book goes in the “Under $500″ category? How about the kind that is chock full of amazing photography, probably a first edition, and definitely SIGNED BY THE ARTIST. Yep, that’s right. Us plebes may never be able to afford an original print by the artists I have featured here, but maybe, just maybe, we could afford an artist-signed copy of a book. And almost certainly we could afford an unsigned copy — just head over to Amazon and check out the price points for each edition. You could buy a whole library of amazing art for $500, or you could buy one signed copy of:

1. My Ghost, by Adam Fuss, $300. 2. Sleeping By the Mississippi, by Alec Soth, $129.95. 3. Shadow Chamber, by Roger Ballen, $155. 4. Subway, by Bruce Davidson, $350. 5. Theatres, by Hiroshi Sugimoto, $650 (yep, I went over budget…). 6. Sally Mann: Gagosian Gallery, by Sally Mann, $453. 7. After the Flood, by Robert Polidori, $375. 8. Gregory Credson, by Gregory Crewdson, $275.

But maybe reading’s not your thing. Maybe you just want something flashy and easily digested. Something like this:

Yep, the 24k gold pills by Tobias Wong are back. At $429 from Generate, they come in just under budget. If you buy them for a loved one, better tell them to sell the pills for their gold content instead of ingesting them. Because that would be a waste.

When I was going over the photos I had gathered for today’s post, I realize that these are not so much gift suggestions for the world at large, they’re more like gift suggestions for, well, me.  Bright and colorful?  check.  Silly and ridiculous? check.  Price tag larger than my budget?  Checkity, check, check!

Yep, today is the $100(ish) edition and I’ve rounded up my fave finds – of the minute – from the world wide web.  I’ve also tossed in a few goodies that could have fallen into previous under $25 and under $50 posts because I’m cool like that.  

Let’s start today’s guide with gifts for the fellas:

Is your man super smart and loves to look like a jackass?  So is mine, that is why I am pondering any of the following for mattybear:

1.  (HANDMADE) Fool’s Gold, narrow or skinny screenprinted microfiber necktie by etsy user Toybreaker, one tie = $30  (see I told you I’d hook you up)

2.  LED Binary Watch from thinkgeek.com, (i do not pretend to understand how this works, too much estrogen) one watch, $69.99

3.  Nippon Work Gloves, available in 12 designs from Brooklyn 5 and 10, one pair, $20

4.  (for the little matt in your life) Star Wars R2-D2 backpack from Fred Flare, $65

Enough about boy stuff.  How about some ladies fashion:

1. (HANDMADE) Panda Snacks Necklace from Naughty Secretary Club.  (I have seen this bad mama jamma in person and the photo does not do it justice… making the price tag worth while), $130

2. (HANDMADE) Modern Rock Ring by Metalicious, Cast sterling “diamond” on gold-plated ring, $75

3. (HANDMADE) Summer Fashion Shoes designed by Bunka, don’t let the word “summer” scare you, these kicks rock, $47

4. (HANDMADE) necklush ultra – orange with print by etsy seller, Necklush, $65  (I am obsessed with these!!!  must. have. one)

5. (HANDMADE) tangled with bakelite necklace by t8designs, $89

6. (HANDMADE) Um Carry felt purse, $95

7. (HANDMADE) demano Marbella tote made from recycled Italian PVC banners, $72

So by know you’re probably wondering who the hell gives shoes for Christmas and that I am doing a terrible job with this guide.  I’ll pause while you scroll up and check out those wheels again.

….. See.  Moving on.

Chances are you probably have some kid you have to buy a holiday gift for.  We all do, it’s ok.  Here is what I would want if I were said child:

1. (HANDMADE) wunder toy pantonino, pantone stuffed doll  (it’s never too early to learn your pantone colors, right?) only $38

2. (HANDMADE) Baby Bunting by Brooklyn Junior.  This makes me want to move somewhere cold when I procreate, that suit is kickin.  $52

3. (ALL NATURAL!) Pony, price available from horse breeders across the country

4. Color Wheel Puzzle, from (sorry) Pottery Barn.  But how cool is that?  It’s possibly the best baby toy ever and it’s only $20

5. Labyrinth Balancing Board (David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly not included) Christmas is all about playing with stupid toys after all the presents are unwrapped.  Get this for Junior and watch Uncle Bill try to master it while the ham is roasting, $69 – $99

Don’t hang out with breeders?  Good, you won’t want any spittle next to these expensive gifts:

1. Orimono Pillow from Anthropologie, $88

2. Thomas Paul Imperial Horse Linen Pillow (incase the real pony falls through), $100

Know anyone who likes subversive home goods (ahem!)  Try one of these:

1.  Terrorist Tea Pot, this UK item might not make it before Christmas, but it’s worth the wait, 20 Euros

2. Charity Money Box (remind your recipient to save up for you next Christmas!) 20 Euros

3. (HANDMADE) A-Light South Third.  Who gives a lamp for Christmas?  Probably someone with badass shoes and great taste in lamps, $75

4.  Wall Mounted Candle Holder, $95

5. hand grenade oil lamps by piet houtenbos.  They’re gold.  Need I say more? $65

6. (high price alert!) Carlos Night Light.  TOTALLY worth the extra 32 clams, $132

7.  New York Delft Plate Set, They may be all over the internet, but have you seen them on a table yet?  Swoon, 5-piece place setting, $80

Here are a few more pieces to spice up your pal’s table:

1.  (HANDMADE) Large Black Holy Bowl, by etsy seller chloelepichon, $100

2.  (HANDMADE) Large urchin bowl, $95

3. (HANDMADE) Blaue Blume Tea cup -White with gold shoes (love love love!), $59

4. (HANDMADE) Blaue Blume Milk jug -White with gold shoes (still loving!), $59

And finally, I’ve got a holiday gift soup, filled with all the left overs and random good stuff that didn’t go go with any of the above pictures:

1. (HANDMADE) Plantorb, you put plants in it, silly, $104

2. (HANDMADE) Irana Douer Hair Pillow, AUD 30

3. Flower Piglet Piggy Bank, incase you think the charity bank might make your friends cry, $77

4. (HANDMADE) Hand Blown Cupcake stand, I’ve always wanted a glass cake stand, but now I want this, $60

5.  (EDITOR’S PICK)  Everyone loves booze, right?  even kids.  Give my favorite, Crios Torrontes.  Yum, it tastes like Chanel, $15 / bottle (hey, it’s not my favorite for nothin’)

6.  Carrie Bicycle Basket (is it named after the Sex in the City Carrie or the Blood Bath Prom Queen, Carrie?  Hopefully the latter).  Anyway, it’s cute:  buy it for a friend with a bike, $65

Oh my gosh I can’t believe I made it to the end.  Did you see all of those links?  Did you?  I think I am going to toss back that Editor’s Pick in celebration.  Happy Shopping.

15 days, people. Do you have your stockings stuffed and presents purchased? Or are you a big bunch of impoverished procrastinators like me? Well, hark, the herald angels are singing about all the (relatively) cheap and awesome gift ideas I’m about to post for your shopping pleasure. If your head is a swirlin’ with confusion because there is just too much stuff out there, then let me clear it up for you: buy this, that and the other. Details to follow.

Need an elegant gift for a decor junkie? Any of these quirky beauties will do in a pinch. Clockwise from top left: 1. Vintage French Bedside Carafe, $50, P.O.S.H. Chicago. 2. Eva Solo Glass Bird feeder, $55, Uncrate. 3. Flavour Design Udon Noodle Bowl, $28, ReForm School. 4. Gold Mustache Key Hook, $45, benfloeter at Etsy.

Or maybe this canine du jour Porcelain Pug by ag & kb will fill the hearts of your dog lover friends with happiness. $40, available via Poppytalk Handmade.

These soft and cuddly pillows make easy gifts for people with a voracious appetite for style. Clockwise from top left: 1. Terrier in Egg Chair (!), $35, by Designer Cushions via Etsy, 2. Piebald Polo Pony, $35, by Designer Cusions via Etsy, 3. Embroidered Wolf Cushion, $35, by alisonalison via Etsy, 4. Seargant Cushion, $35, by katrinakaye via Etsy, 5. Nordic Punch Knit Pillow, $42, Urban Outfitters, 6. Out For Blood Pillow, $35, by Grand Array via Etsy.

Help your loved ones keep track of time with this hand-printed letterpress calendar that’s sure to bring cheer to the new year. $40, by paperedtogether via Etsy.

Nothing says, “Welcome!” like some substantial hardware on the front door. Left: Large Ring Door Knocker in Antique Brass, $50, Restoration Hardware. Right: Vintage Lion’s Head Door Knocker, $45, BIN on Ebay.

Did I mention that I’m a little obsessed with door knockers right now? These Hand of Fatima style knockers are playful but laden with historical and cultural weight. Clockwise from top left: 1. Hand Door Knocker, $42, The French House. 2. Tiny picture of Hand and Ball Door Knocker, $32.99, Creative Direction Products. 3. (another tiny picture) Hand of Fatima Moroccan Brass Door Knocker, $32.99, BIN at Ebay. 4. Door Knocker Inspiration courtesy of Never in All My Life.

These simply beautiful Dovo Stork Scissors are the perfect gift for a crafty loved one. Made in Germany, the quality is sure to please. $29.50, Quilter’s Paradise.

Vintage Nesting Dolls are make charming gifts for the old and young alike. Use them as dolls, toys, or containers… hide some treasures inside. Matroyshka Doll Set, $35, White Elephant Vintage.

What would Christmas be without toys? For a fun loving individual, check out these gems: 1. Bow and Mallow Marshmallow Shooter, $29.99, Think Geek. 2. Lomography Pink Fisheye Camera, $48, Urban Outfitters. 3. Juno Cheeseburger Phone, $26, Fred Flare. 4. 3D Pig Anatomy Puzzle, $40, Unica Home.

For the kid at heart — or even just a kid! — Maurice Sendak’s classic Where the Wild Things Are plush dolls are sure to put on a happy face. Moishe and Barnard, $40 for both, from Shop Rock Candy.

Dipping temperatures equate to a soaring lust for anything warm and fuzzy. Keep your pals under wraps with these stylin’ cabled goodies. Clockwise from top left: 1. Something I had to remove from Etsy. 2. Small White Cloud, $55, by super nice fellow Austinite rosetung via Etsy. 3. Cashmere Arm Warmers, $55, by Lauren Urstadt at Intermix. 4. Blue Alpaca Cowl, $35, by rosetung via Etsy.

A little bling never hurt a thing. This one goes out to all the ladies. Clockwise from top left: 1. Brass Arrow Necklace, $30, by Loyalty and Blood via Etsy. 2. Wildlife Necklace, $34, by luxedeluxe via Etsy. 3. Sterling Silver Forget Me Knot Ring, $50, ReForm School. 4. 14kt Tiny Treat Necklace in Cupcake or Pretzel, $50, Fred Flare.

Prints by Leah Giberson are perfect for your favorite swimfan… in fact, I know someone who would love these! $30 each, via Etsy.

Christmas stories don’t always end well… This print by Wilhelm Staehle from his Silhouette Masterpiece Theatre series shows what might happen to those who have been naughty instead of nice. $30 for a framed print of both images, available via The Bazaarium.

See something a special someone might like? Well, what are you still doing here?! A lot of these items are handmade and will surely sell out quickly. If you’re still looking for a gift with that super awesome wow factor, tune in tomorrow to see Karly’s roundup of gifts under $100. And don’t forget to check out Friday’s guide to gifts under a million… I know that’s what you and your wallet are really waiting for.