In a nutshell, the trouble is photographs lie. You aren’t really that fat (promise), the perfect gray paint color that looked amazing in a magazine looks like shit on your walls, and those pink curtains I lusted after weren’t even pink.
Remember this room? I was all, Oooh ahh magic! over it and how such a sophisticated room could pull off those pink curtains. Well get a load of this:
Same room. Not exactly pink pink, more of a rose…
Huh. Well I might consider that to be more of a clay red — something with a fair amount of brown in it.
Not pink at all.
So, you see, I was doomed from the start.
Oh me. Oh my.
The other trouble with photography is that it’s awfully labor intensive. I almost turned around to shoot the back of the room so you could see my secret piles of toys and laundry drifts, but I wanted propagate the myth that I keep a semi clean house. Still, why didn’t I move the speakers? Or restyle the fireplace? Or hang those curtains higher and replace my chesterfield and find a new place for the tv?
I have a lot of work to do. Focus.
Yet another problem with photography is that some of you are probably thinking, Those pink curtains are bananas, dawg!
Well, I hope your brain doesn’t think in those words, because that may be the trouble with you.
Anyway, those pink curtains were like eight year old sparkly bubblegum pink unicorns riding rainbows to My Little Pony land.
It’s not like the flax curtains fared much better. Once again — they may look ok in the picture, but they were green in real life. Not pretty with my peachy pink walls.
So I took that crap back and now I have two totally different curtains up. Plus I just ordered two more.
And I’m trying to stop myself from ordering sandy beige… I think I’ll save super neutral for the double height curtains I might get around to someday.
The trouble with me is I am so used to taking photographs that I expect my house to look like one.
Also I am extremely overwhelmed and indecisive.
Will report later on the ever expanding curtain conundrum.
In the meantime, let me tell you why you aren’t as fat as you look in pictures. It’s because humans see with two eyes, and we can sort of see around objects to the background behind. Cameras only see with one eye and they flatten everything onto one big fat plane.
So there you go. You are 10 pounds thinner.
That’s something, right?Continue Reading