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One Room Challenge: Week Two — The Case For Uxoricide

Hello and welcome back for the next installment in the One Room Challenge! Last week I laid the foundation for what should be a grueling but fairly straight forward renovation of our puny powder room. This week the husband and I began demolition of the truly heinous and downright criminal renovations wrought by previous owners, and I am having the distinct feeling that this endeavor might result in bodily injury. To me.

erin williamson | design crisis

Before you decide that Colonel Mustard did it in the bathroom with a hammer, let’s start at the beginning of the end.

The very day I accepted this challenge, I promised my loving husband that I would hire out every single job. That we would not spend weekends and evenings painting and fretting and hanging and rehanging art like last time. Then I couldn’t find a single contractor willing to come out and even look at such a small job. Then the threat of public humiliation and impending failure whipped me into a stress filled frenzy… and then Ben caved. Because I am nice, and I make a delicious pan seared halibut, and also because I birthed his two adorable babies, he really couldn’t say no to my plea for help.

erin williamson | design crisis

Which is not to say that he was happy about it.

When he started in on the Jasco paint stripper (a toxic gel with low floral notes reminiscent of Mad Dog 20/20) and I came in to document the process, the eye rolling commenced. With every scrape of shriveled polyurethane I felt his “enthusiasm” for the project dissipating, the influence of my trump card waning. I’m pretty sure he was scraping our love away.

erin williamson | design crisis

Oh yes. For the moment, let’s put aside the probability of divorce (or worse) and talk about why it’s even necessary to strip and stain this vanity — why not just buy a new one? Please see the diagram above for evidence of an ugly but useful sewer cleanout that runs to the kitchen and laundry room. Unfortunately keeping it meant that we couldn’t do a swanky wall mount or pedestal sink, which is ok because obviously we need concealed storage to house a phalanx of plastic toilets and pee stained training seats. Boys and their toys, you know.

erin williamson | design crisis

Toys like a long piece of piano wire, perfect for strangling the mirror off the wall. Hot tip #1: Goo Gone + sawing softened adhesive with a wire = no more nasty mirror. Hot tip #2: Don’t embarrass your husband with a camera when he is holding a weapon.

erin williamson | design crisis

This wall is oozing with the kind of misery that comes from sobbing behind an ugly builder grade mirror for over a decade. I wish I could say I see instant improvement here. Instead our powder room is looking more and more like an abattoir.

erin williamson | design crisis

The tiled in baseboards have been gutted. Perfect for fluid run off.

erin williamson | design crisis

The sink is gone, the lighting is gone, scary murder gloves are not gone.

erin williamson | design crisis

Basically it’s like a jail cell up in here.

I am hoping I didn’t use all my lady chits for nothing… it is terrifying to consider that Ben might hate me AND that I must suffer the ignominy of a hideous bathroom.

Honestly, he is an angel sent down from the heavens above to serve me. That didn’t come out quite right, but I am so very very very grateful for his help and hopefully when he reads these words he will decide not to kill me.

Also, next week I get my own hands dirty with sanding and staining and patching and painting. I stole my cabinet finishing idea from these guys and their amazing floors:

india ink floors

Perhaps Ben will at least let me stick around long enough to put this hot mess back together. And maybe to cook him a hot dinner. And other hot… things. I’m not ashamed to say that I will use every tool in my arsenal to survive.

My charms are limited. Call 911 if no one’s here next Wednesday morning.

Until then, please do visit my fellow challengers. What a lineup!

Abby M. Interiors

Because it’s Awesome

Bijou & Boheme

Calling It Home

Chez V

Chinoiserie Chic

Copy Cat Chic

The Decorista

Design Crisis

Design Indulgence

Design Manifest

The English Room

The Glam Pad

Little Black Door

Mimosa Lane

My Notting Hill

The Pink Pagoda

Simple Details

My Sweet Savannah

Verandah House

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Woodn’t this be a great title for a post about Wood

Sorry about that title.  I just wasted 5 mintues of my life googling clever sayings and song titles with the word wood in them.  My bucket list is really coming along nicely.  Not.  I do not have a bucket list and if I did I would come up with a better name for it.  Even if it meant I had to spend TEN minutes googling clever sayings and song titles.  What does all this have to do with today’s post?  Nothing, except those are all words that you are reading in today’s post.  capiche?

Anyway, today I’m showing you (an even number of rooms crazy erin) with wood in them.  why?  because my house is finally looking like it may be close to done and there’s not really much wood anywhere so of course all I want now is wood and I want to redo my house.  Let’s do this:

And boom goes the dynamite.  I know I’m giving away Christmas right out of the gate with this one but who can resist.  It’s magically unstoppable.  I want to eat fancy reconfigurations of comfort food at this table until my head explodes.  Note, it will explode from laughter because I will probably be hanging out with some really funny people.

After my hilarity laugh riot meal of ecstasy I will climb these stairs to burn off all those calories.  ha ha no i won’t.  I will turn and look at these stairs and think about what a genius i was for building them.*

*i did not build these stairs.  Please do not write and ask me how i did it.**

**some people actually write and ask us dumb shit like this.  can you believe it?

This perfect potty belongs to furniture designer J.B. Blunk.  He, unlike me with the stairs, carved that sink out of redwood.  Write him and ask your goofy questions, weirdos.

This is old and I don’t know what it is but i do know that it is awesome.  I do have an obsessive blog partner who can probably tell you who’s house this is, when it was built and how long, down to the minute, they took to furnish it.  You can write her too, she loves mail.

picture 1, picture 2, picture 3, picture 4 is unknown source

P.S. I would like to note that 99% of you who write us are awesome and amazing, please don’t take offense to this post.  But there is the 1% out there who will email us with questions like “how did you make that couch” without 1.  letting me know which couch they are talking about and 2. realizing that I am not, in fact, a couch maker.   99%, keep it coming. Love and kisses

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Blueblooded Bathroom

Nothing screams cheap n shitty remodel quite like the formica counters and beige screenprinted tiles superglued to every surface of both our tiny bathrooms. When we bought our 60s ranch house, we knew the kitchen needed fixing — especially since we have an open floorplan and the sea of almond formica burned at my sensi eyes from every angle of our living room. Not so with the bathrooms, whose doors remain conveniently closed most of the day. Only when seated upon my throne do I survey the surroundings of our craptacular kingdom and daydream about taking a sledgehammer to the entire porcelain palace. But then I flush those dirty ideas down the drain because renovating a bathroom just seems like such a pain in the… ass.

If we ever do yank out those pukey privies, this is what I want:

george and elizabeth paris bathroom

Yeah, I know — the pendulum may be swinging a little far in the fancy direction, but did I mention how queasy that damn formica makes me?

george elizabeth bathroom paris

Created for King George VI and his wife Elizabeth’s royal visit to Paris in 1938, this bathroom stands as a bastion of civility in the face of impending Nazi invasion.

george elizabeth bathroom

I can’t honestly say that my own bathroom needs to make such a statement, but it does need gold tile.

george elizabeth paris bathroom

Details, people. Details.

george elizabeth bathroom paris

I kind of always assumed we would do a modernish update for our bathrooms, but this has ruined me for anything you could possibly buy at Ikea or Home Depot. Well, I suppose I could start with a more pedestrian round mirror. But I’m not kidding about the gold tile… I urgently need it. To fight Nazis. Or maybe just to shower.

Yes. Golden showers.

[World of Interiors]

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