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MLS House Tour: Part the Second

Today is the day! At 10 am we close on New House, and Old House goes on the market. I have ulcers all up in my mouth and I’m no longer sleeping. So if you want to buy this house and put me out of my misery, leave a comment and I’ll email to confirm your stalker free motives. I don’t want no one sneaking in at night and stealing all my good shoes.

You’ve seen the public parts of our house. Now I’d like to introduce you to the private parts — warts and all. I crack myself up! Anyway, here is where you find out that we have actual bathrooms. We even have bedrooms, most of which have never been featured on this here blog. That’s because they were half finished and covered in laundry drifts, but I scrambled to make it all kind of prettyish.

So here it is. Cross your fingers, y’all. We’ve got to sell this house. Pronto.

master bedroom

master bedroom 3

master bedroom 2

master bathroom 2

master bathroom

small 5

guest bathroom 2

office 2

office

back patio

backyard sunset

back

backyard trees

And there you have it. I’m getting kinda teary eyed over our little house — lots of wonderful things happened here.

Some bad things may have happened, too. Like choosing lampshades that are too small, and like forgetting to remove the scale from our bedroom before I photographed it for the MLS.

Oh well. If you didn’t already know, size matters.

 

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Real Estate OCD: LA in Austin Under 300K

Sorry to inflict more real estate drama on you, but that’s just how I roll these days. Other people have Real Housewives of Whogivesabooger (no offense to watchers of said programs), and I have real estate porn. I feel good about the arrangement. Anyhoo, you dudes are going to pee in your pants when you see this place. I opened the little gateway thingamajig my fancy realtor sent me and nearly passed out from the goodness. It may be true that if you’re Richie F. Rich then better homes can be found, but better homes for 300K? I don’t think so. Behold.

That’s right. It’s 2300 sq ft of glass and marble. And it’s not mine. Ugh. The neighborhood is all wrong for us, but guess what? Next best thing — The Inlaws bought it!

I am so going to be hot tubbing it up this summer… while The Inlaws are babysitting Ike, natch. They may not be fully aware of this arrangement yet, so let’s keep it on the DL.

Did you see the pool? Did you see the windows? Did you see all the palms swaying ever so gently in the wind, whispering, Erin…. have another margarita? I want to swim here more than CBS wants Charlie Sheen back. The rest of the place ain’t too shabby, either.

There is a sure enough koi pond in the atrium next to the dining room.

Clerestory windows out the ass.

The master bedroom means bizness time.

Hot diggity dog, this place is insane but it needs paint and a kitchen reno for real. I have some ideas for its transformation, but I may be calling in the troops (that would be ya’lluns) for help as the situation unfolds. Excitement!

Know what else is sure to send you into atrial fibrillation?

Karly is coming back tomorrow.

Word.

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House Wars

This has probably been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. I think even squeezing a watermelon through my lemon was easier — at least we got a big fat prize at the end of that ordeal. After a week of waffling on two amazing homes that are totally within our budget to purchase AND renovate, we’re passing. We think. Jesus, my internal compass is so screwed up I don’t even know what my name is anymore. I feel like my arm has been amputated, and if someone asked me to wear a big black helmet and man the Death Star, I probably would.

Let’s review the properties, shall we?

#1 has an incredible view of Austin, all the way from downtown almost to San Marcos. It has vaulted ceilings, clerestory windows and a closet big enough to live in. It’s well located within town, but it’s also built at the corner of one of the worst highways in Austin. Plans to redo the highway include building a monster overpass right beneath this house that will make this quiet little neighborhood sound like it’s situated near an airport runway. Honestly, the Austin transportation authority is so screwy that it may never happen. But if it does… well, it would suck. A lot. Plus the office space and yard are not very functional for us.

#2 is a sprawling 70s rancher on close to an acre that backs to a gorgeous creek. It has all the space we’ll ever need, and tons of privacy. It’s also quite a hike from town, and part of the drive has to be made on one of the most highly trafficked and most hated roads in south Austin. Oh yeah, and that road runs right through the neighborhood. It sucks and it pretty much ruins the peace of this very pretty rural community. And did I mention that the commute blows? 30 minutes to downtown with no traffic, probably an hour to tech jobs up north. Ugh.

So that’s what we’ve been grappling with. Even typing this was hard, because I know some of you will tell me to buy one of them. And I’m also sure some of you are barfing at the thought of living in such humble abodes. But wouldn’t it have been fun to help me redo them?

Shit I’m all confused and feeling dark side again. Just call me Darth.

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I’m Going for a Ride on the Crazy Train

How was your weekend? Ok, let me be honest: I’m not going to hear a single word you say in response to my question, because I am going insane. I did not have a sleepy, relaxing weekend. I did not take trapeze lessons. I did not even do the laundry. We did look at houses every single second of the day. While at first I felt confident that we may have a winner, with every second that separates me from the promising property my doubts double.

Did I mention that I’m going insane? Why can’t we just afford a house like this?

Honestly, as much as I like stuff n things I’m not an incredibly materialistic person. I don’t actually require a house of this scope and grandeur (require being the operative word, here). We like our current house and love our neighbors, but we need a place that can grow with our family (jeebus, I am old). Here’s a checklist of our priorities.

Needs: Good schools, another bedroom, within our budget, not crazy far from town.

Wants: Awesome architecture, lots more space, closer to town than we are now (hahahahaha!), financial comfort.

People who live in desirable urban areas, you know what I’m talking about when I say that the chances of all these things coming together in one affordable package is about as likely as a winged unicorn taking me for a ride over a rainbow and serenading me with a Foreigner song. In other words, it’s an awesome dream, but it ain’t gonna happen.

Let me summarize, thusly. Dream:

Reality:

$400,000 for a dilapidated disaster, wherein the roof has leaked all over the joint, the floor is rotting, the sunken bathtup is a death trap, the floorplan is a tragedy, the structure is built too close to the property line, and we are selling all our possessions to move into a house where will be forced to eat ramen for the next decade.

Great schools and fantastic location near town, though! Don’t cry — this isn’t the house we’re considering.

The state of close-in Austin real estate is abysmal. Remember this unforgettable house, one of the first we looked at back in 200freaking9, aka forever ago? (PS: that dent is still in our bumper). Those were the days.

Possibly maybe more news tomorrow. Right now I’m curious as to how you dudes prioritize your housing needs. What’s most important to you? Please distract me from this hideously depressing downward spiral.

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Real Estate OCD: Awesome In Austin Under 300K

I just spent the entire Labor Day weekend looking at homes with my inlaws, who are considering a move to Austin. While they were pretty glazed over by the end of our shopping whirlwind, I was totally keyed up, because I am crazy obsessed with real estate — like I tour houses in my sleep. Including houses I’ve looked at for myself, friends, family, and potential investment, I’ve probably been in hundreds of houses in Austin, so I thought maybe I’d start a little feature on Austin real estate.

Today’s home comes in at $295,000, and whether you think that is expensive or cheap probably depends on where you live now. For Austin, that’s about 100k above the median home price, but I’m just going to go ahead and say that it’s worth every penny.

The Clause Residence was designed in 1979 and features just over 2000 glorious sq ft of Memphis inspired deliciousness. I want to hole up and marathon watch Miami Vice (the original) up in here.

Since you know that the hubs, Ike, and I, are currently house shopping, you may be wondering why the bleep I haven’t already signed the papers on this piece of design history. I mean, never mind the fact that it only has two bedrooms — Ike and our future progeny can just bunk up, right?

Dudes, this house is so far from town, we may as well move to Waco.

Sadly, I was not able to tour this baby in person because it would have been an all day event, but I just know that it’s every bit as awesome as the pictures, and probably way more. I really hope there is somewhere out there that buy this house and do it up righteous, and then they better invite me over for a pool party. You know… as a finder’s fee.

Check out the MLS listing and more pics here.

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