Redesigned Ditties: Baby Got Back

Oh, my, god. Becky, look at that art.
It is so big. It looks like,
one of those abstract expressionists.
But, you know, who understands those art guys?
They only paint things, because,
they were like total alkies, ‘kay?
I mean, that art, is just so big.
I can’t believe it’s just so round, it’s like,
out there!

I mean – whoa. Look!
It’s just so … black!

I like big art and I can not lie
You other sistas can’t deny
That when a big paintin’ hangs in an itty bitty place
With that color all in your face
You get sprung, wanna write out a check
Cause you’re a lusty wanton wreck

This art ain’t made for sharing
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring

Oh canvas, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My accountant tried to warn me
But that shape you got makes me so horny

Ooh, Rump-o’-smooth-stroke
Been thinking about you since I woke
Well, come home, please me
‘Cause you ain’t an average new piece

I’ve seen small paintings
To hell with all them things

You’re a net asset,
Got me goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette

I’m tired of magazines
Sayin’ gallery walls are the thing
Take the average woman and ask her that
Art gotta pack much back

So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!)
Does that painting match the carpet? (Hell yeah!)
Then just take it! (Take it!) Take it! (Take it!)
Trust your inner gut!

Baby got back!

[Nuevo Estilo, Miles Redd, Gary Hutton, Alex Katz, Marilyn Minter, Robert Motherwell, Pamplemousse, Elle Decor, OWI]