I hope you have protective glasses on, because your retinas are in serious danger of permanent injury. Like, bleeding, pulpy masses of eye goo. In fact, I thought long and hard before posting this. Here at Design Crisis, we pride ourselves on posting pretty pictures. Sure, you may not always agree with our taste, but you must think that our offerings are aesthetically pleasing on some level.
I’m not sure how to put this delicately, but the following Houston McMansion may kill you. It will surely haunt your dreams. This is your final chance to run…
I hope you appreciate the mortal peril in which I have placed myself just to post these, but you probably don’t. You probably feel incredibly violated, and I can’t say I blame you. I can’t decide if this house or Rick Perry makes me more ashamed of being a Texan, so really this post is all about my guilt. Sorry.
You don’t have to agree with my politics, it’s cool. We can get together over drinks and discuss why you are wrong — I’ll still like you afterward. Hopefully, you will still like me. But you must agree this is one of the ugliest, gaudiest homes you have ever seen, otherwise you may need to get your jollies elsewhere. So, I guess there’s the line in the sand.
For everyone still reading this blog: I love you, and I promise I won’t ever hit you again.
See the whole travesty here, if you dare. Found via Curbed National.
ps: I kind of think the blue room is the worst. That ceiling fan! Discuss.
No related posts.
Morning E,
Oh it’s fright night alright — blessed fellow-Houstonians, so rich, so misguided, so deeply lost in the forest of no return.
And that fact that the place is “only” priced at $1.5 mil is very telling.
Anything else this size in that area would be much more expensive.
Ugh, it’s gross, foul, rank….in short, a flop.
They sell those high-heel chair shoes on the side of the highway and used all over Craigslist here! Yuck.
Alcira
nerochronicles.com
OH HOLY NIGHT.
my three year old looked at these and said “a bottom that exploded!” – I think he nailed it.
You know there was no chance I would look away. And for that, I will pay all day. The only consolation, my eye sight is going in my old age. So I’m sure it could have been worse. That house and its interiors are a crime against humanity.
We are not Texans. We are Austinities. Texans are of a different breed.
I don’t want to imagine how that room with all the heads smell… Like the smell of death…
Just goes to show that money can’t buy good taste.
Oh man, my husband has had an job opportunity in Houston so we have been discussing a move for the past couple years. This post exemplifies my hesitation. I think the blue bedroom is the least offending, not that I would want to stay there, but at least if is devoid of murals and dead animal heads.
You know someone thought that foyer was the shit once. Like…in 1985? I wish they had a room full of Nagel prints to really take me back!
Oh for the love of god.
I don’t how we can pick a “worst” room, but I’m going to disagree with you, Erin. The master suite is most horrendous thing I’ve every seen.
I just bet it smells like glade plug ins.
This house is painful to look at in so many ways….part of the reason is that I feel like if it was a design project that I was forced to tackle and that my life literally depended on, I would be a dead man. The architecture is atrocious. It’s not just the exterior either…the interior rooms are so badly proportioned, so stupidly laid out, so TOTALLY ill-conceived, that I would have no choice but to blow the whole thing up and start over. I can’t deal with McMansions.
For those reasons alone, the Blue Room of Despair takes first prize. How the heck would you even know where to start with that sucker?
As they might say in My Cousin Vinny, someone here committed a hi-aynus crime!
You know how Mae West said “Too much of a good thing is a good thing?” Not true. Too much of anything can be really awful.
I imagine that shaggy rug in the brown room (really, what else would it be called?) was strategically placed for sexy times by the fireplace. Sexy times smothered in Glade (good call, Anita) and Jean Nate. Shudder.
Yes. Truly, TRULY unbelievable and yet strangely compelling. I can’t get enough of these gems that you throw in far too infrequently. (thinking here of your fabulously funny ‘tree through the house’ post) Yes, the blue room aint gonna sell that house, that’s for sure.
the legs painted below the mounted heads is something i can’t understand a fully grown person would endorse. the figurines on the shelf (howling wolf!) further push that space into fifth-grader territory. the trophy room wins worst in my book.
I truly enjoy that each room is its own chapter of crazy. I find the last bedroom particularly hilarious. People should think long and hard before being allowed to install a mural. Just like baby-making.
Oh thats just nasty.
AS long as its not your house, I will forgive this and still like you.
I realize this is the most minor offense in the entire house, but I can’t stop looking at the vacuum tracks in the blue carpet.
ha! @Anna
I kinda like the tiki bar…
Ohhhhhhhhhkay. Someone must have sold A LOT of mary kay to afford that gem! Seriously there is SO MUCH MONEY spent there! Yes the offensive taste is excruciating, but far more painful is the effort that went into it, forreals someone was SUPERDUPEREXCITED when they found the blue ceiling fan to match. At home depot. on sale. for $35. score. (gag).
Well, this is a day to look in the mirror and be like ‘yo julie, you ARE a good designer’ because you know.. sometimes there are days when I wonder. This post solidifies my skillz.
So thanks for that E, in the MOST roundabout way
But the seahorse in the bathroom kind of redeems the whole place.
Erica, it’s a MERMAID. Does that make it better or worse?
Jenny, would you believe the tree house is finally under contract… at way under lot value? Someone obviously has taken my suggestion for a bulldozer seriously.
Anna, seriously. The blue room is the worst. It just is.
Welcome to all you new peeps — glad we can be united in our disgust.
Gotta run, power has been off and on all morning and mama needs coffee!
“my eyes, my eyes”
By far, the blue ceiling fan is the best part…I mean, what to say that you all (y’all) haven’t already!? I’ll try though: “That fan really brings the room together.”
It’s like the Betelgeuse house gone wrong.
I just threw up on my keyboard.
Like a toilet imploded on itself.
this is. by far. the most. eye-cancer causing place I have ever laid my eyes upon. not cool.
seriously, I wonder why the dude didn’t paint the blue room red, since he’s most obviously a redneck. ha ha ha.
well, enough with the ranting. The first picture is still kinda wicked-cool. like in crazy cool. kinda made me wonder if that was just to lower expectations so the wonders lying beond were even more wonderful. but it wasn’t. still, that dude get’s props for having the nerve to install that fan. I guess it’s just damn hot down there.
cheers,
will
oh and WHERE THE HELL do you get that stuff? honestly, who in good conscience makes that sorta accessory?
Hello and welcome, Will!
Is this home not a blight against humanity?
Let me just answer for you: yes.