One Room Challenge: Week One — Brobdingnagian Plans for a Lilliputian Powder Room
Hello! Welcome to the One Room Challenge, wherein I and several talented cohorts strive to completely redesign a space in six short weeks.
Obviously I am insane for doing this… like, hallucinating through space and time insane, because the last ORC nearly wrecked me. In fact, when I asked my husband what he thought about committing to the challenge again, I swear a tiny tear rolled down his beautiful cheek. I wiped it away and replied YES! to the challenge. Turns out I am a sadist and a masochist. I call that multitalented.
Last time I transformed our dinky dinette into a blazing gloryland of color and brass and quirky thrift finds. This time, I asked myself how I could make the challenge easier on myself — perhaps by choosing an even smaller room? Behold. The world’s tiniest, ugliest powder room:
Dontcha wish your bathroom was hot like mine? Dontcha? Dontcha?
I won’t sugarcoat it. This bathroom is a travesty against humankind. It makes babies cry, and even sensitive adults run screaming for cover.
The atomic orange vanity is horrifying. I simply cannot imagine a world where these cabinets should exist. And yet, they are ALL OVER OUR HOUSE. In every room with cabinets. All the same. All tiger striped orange with overly complicated paneling and a polyrurethane coating so stubborn it makes my four year old look like a model of cooperation.
This is far less offensive, but still belongs in a trailer and I don’t mean one of those cute hipster Airstreams.
The faucet and cultured marble counters (with integrated sink! bonus!) are also not 100% hideous, but they still scream cheap 13 year old remodel. And indeed that is what this bathroom is suffering from.
Bad tasteitis. Someone spent money and time redoing a bathroom and THIS is what they chose. Just thinking about it is giving my wallet a seizure.
Who thought tile baseboards were a good idea? Perhaps they planned to slaughter goats in here?
And that glued on $10 mirror is killing me for so many reasons. 1) it is hideous and will be difficult to remove because it’s glued to the freaking wall. 2) I can’t take a picture in here without seeing myself and I don’t like that. In fact, whilst shooting this room I became very self conscious and I really hate mirrors and can’t wait to destroy this soul sucking waste of silica.
Hey look! There’s a toilet in here, because it’s a bathroom. At least there is a window and natural light. I think I can do something with this space.
So. On to the plan:
Did I say that I was making this challenge easier on myself by choosing a smaller room? I lied. There is a lot of construction involved and my long suffering husband and I will be doing much of it ourselves, because we are poor and also because you simply cannot get a decent contractor out to any site in Austin for a job this small. It is insane here.
I plan to rip out the mirror, counters, and tile baseboard. I do very much wish we could rip ALL the floors out, but we’re not sure what the future holds for the floors in contiguous rooms so it has to stay for now. Meanwhile, the vanity will get fresh doors and a strip and stain job. New counters are going in, along with an updated faucet and lighting, oh and beadboard…
Beadboard might be the death of me. You see, I bought that Little Greene wallpaper two years ago for this very room but never put it up because we started potty training Ike soon after. And if you don’t have a little boy, let me tell you that potty training is like trying to control a firehose. Full of pee. A pee hose that sprays everywhere. This here wallpaper is pulp based and therefore absorbent, hence the addition of beadboard which is not absorbent. I hope. Because Luke is due for potty training in the coming year and I do not enjoy the scent of morning urine.
So that is the plan. Stay tuned to see if my husband spackles my nose and mouth shut in an attempt to asphyxiate me, or if… you know. I change my mind or something. I’ve been known to do that.
Please do say hi to my fellow challengees, and especially Linda of Calling it Home who organized this whole dang shebang — it’s quite the lineup this year and I’m feeling extra super ridiculous intimidated by the talent. Until next week!