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That Time I Auditioned For an HGTV Show

Sorry for the light (to no) posting, but things be crazy up in here. As you may have oh so cannily surmised from my title, I’ve been a little busy doing things I swore I would never do. Things like trying out for a reality show that involves competing for money on national freaking tv. I must have huffed too much lacquer remover because that’s just nuts… right?

So, here’s the scoop — I spent a week of my life shooting self portraits and portfolio pictures and filling out MASSIVE ridiculous mountains of paperwork so that I could attend a local HGTV casting call for a house flipping show. Hilarious/not hilarious side story: I was almost done laying out 15 pages of said paperwork drama on a program I don’t normally use when I left for literally five seconds and turned around to find Luke standing at my computer, playing it like a piano… 15 pages totally jacked up. Hahahaha kids are so cute. Sort of.

Anyway, head shots happened:

hgtv headshots

What? I didn’t tell you that it’s a team challenge? The plot thickens. So if we get on the show we have to renovate an entire house with no subcontractors. By ourselves. All of it. This is Matt, he’s Karly’s husband and he’s a contractor. So basically my plan for world domination involves me bossing Matt around while he lays acres of teeny tiny tile in a herringbone pattern all over the walls, floors, stove… anything that will move. I can’t wait for him to read this news!

instagram hgtv

So Matt and I head to the casting at a hotel with terrible carpet. I’m not very good at selfies or apparently even at the ubiquitous instagram foot shot, because it looks like I have cankles and there’s a big ugly scab with a flashing filtered arrow pointing towards it. But check out that fugly carpet! I have photo priorities.

In between nitpicking the delightful decor we’re just sitting there, assessing our competitors. It seems like virtually everyone but me has spent more than five minutes on their (very large) hair and makeup, and I bet nobody else got puked on that morning after arm wrestling a 13 month old all night for four hours of sleep. Other businessy people are setting up installations for clients. We are playing (and winning) iphone physics quiz. Did I mention priorities?

To make a long story short, we waited three hours for a three minute interview. We did our silly dog and pony show, and then we went home.

And got called back.

Fast forward to a couple of days later, when I still have not slept or ironed the tired wrinkles off my face. We are then subjected to an hour long interview under lights and camera with a pair of adorably adorable ladies. I’m pretty sure I aced that shit — just being honest (I hope). I mean I could always always always do better but I think I interview well thanks to years of teaching and many more years spent talk talk talking at my husband. Meanwhile I have no idea what Matt said because they split us up and interviewed separately for a while… like at a police station. Hopefully he didn’t mention the dead bodies.

So that’s what’s been happening. We should know in October if we will be famous and stuff. Wish us luck!

On another tv front, Little Miss Amy Hadley and her fancy YNN crew (or maybe just Jesse the camera dude) came over Tuesday to film another House Proud segment on rugs. My favorite!!!

austin interior designer

I really wanted to take pictures of our house all blissfully clean and styled up, but I only had 2.2 spare seconds to shoot so this is what you get.

Can you say giant amazing lucite coffee table? Can you say it five times really fast?

Now say, Erin you’re not too old to be on tv. Because apparently I have gone from shrinking violet to total fame whore. Soon I will assuredly become insufferable and direct all inquiries to my publicist, so please leave a comment now while you can.

You dudes rule.

 

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Droopy Dawg

I am so. damn. tired. Yesterday I took a picture of my basketball sized belly so you could see that I’m headed into the misery stage, but I’m too tired to upload it. I even took pictures of my crazy curtain debacle but I’m also too tired to deal with that.

This is shaping up to be an exciting post. Let me spice things up a bit.

I am obsessed with every single thing in this room. I’m not sure I would be happy living here 24/7, but as a cozy library it KILLS. Those window treatments put all other window treatments to shame. The paint color and glossy built ins are ridic. The textile combo is absurdly good. And I’m going to steal that light fixture… as soon as I can figure out where it comes from.

This room by fellow Austinite Bailey McCarthy touches my happy place (visuals not necessary). The glow in the dark constellation wallpaper may make an appearance in the kid’s bathroom at our house.

GLOWS IN THE MF DARK, Y’ALL. If I were really brave, I would paper Ike’s ceiling with this bizness. But that sounds hard and I may have already mentioned that I’m tired.

Instead I think I’m going to just order this cute print for Ike’s room, glue some glow in the dark stars to the ceiling, and call it a day. (Thanks for the poster link, Katie!)

In other news, I might paint our bedroom this color:

Or maybe this color:

Dede Pratesi’s bedroom is pretty much my idea of perfection.

And as if this post weren’t already disjointed enough, you need to head on over to MFAMB and check out the room Jenny Andrews just decorated for her precious kidlet.

Awesome real people decorating on a budget makes me SO HAPPY.

What is not making me happy is my curtain situation.

Still working on it. I don’t understand why this stupid room has to be so difficult.

Yet another trip to Ikea is in the works, and a trip to the West Elm outlet already happened.

Pictures to follow. Soon.

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Hey Austinites, You Need to Just Dewit Already

You already know AB Chao, although you may have trouble placing her face. That’s because she looks like this:

Yeah, she’s kinda famous for her headless self portraits. But she’s even more famous for this:

You can’t even google the words “farrow” and “ball” without this room coming up. EVERYONE has seen it — even Kelly Wearstler. And she liked it. A lot.

But AB Chao has made other things, too. Like this:

And this:

And even this glamazing garage redo:

Pretty awesome.

And sure — you might hate her a little. She’s tiny and even peppier than her teenage daughter, she used to write for fancy tv shows, and her clothes are always cute. Even her husband is cute.

I mean — dammit, AB. You need to quit it with the cuteness.

But here’s the thing:  I’ve known her for years and she’s a really nice, really real person who knows how to make something out of nothing (those curtains in the top shot? first dropcloth curtain diy I know about). This is important because being an average middle class wage earner should not be an impediment to style.

And now you can join her Dewit Design Camp and be like AB.

Dudes, AB Chao is coming to Austin from June 30-July 1 to school you! Learn this stuff:

• Basic principles of design
• Creating inspiration boards
• Drawing layouts
• Paint, wall coverings, lighting, window treatments, furniture, art
• Using and repurposing existing items
• Decorating on a budget
• Common mistakes
• Putting it all together
• Styling
• Shooting interiors
• Q & A

Plus you will get to eat yummy food and hang out at Meredith Pardue‘s fancy new art studio. You know Mer:

She makes those paintings that are in all the glossy magazines.

She lives in Austin, too.

Austin is cool.

Cool people live here.

Be even cooler and meet Misses Chao and Pardue in person and soak up their coolness by osmosis.

Sign up for Dewit Design Camp right HERE.

I might even show up if I don’t drop a baby first.

Curtain talk tomorrow.

Comment if you have any Dewit questions today.

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Woodn’t You Like to help Me?

I have spent hours poring over flooring. My eyes have turned to tired squinty slits and my brain can no longer discriminate between oak and stained hickory. My plans to install solid white oak and have it site finished have been dashed by a dastardly concrete floor… and our pocketbook. I’m starting to think wood should be traded on the NYSE.

I’m suffering from wood overload.

I need someone to tell me what to buy: white oak, red oak, stained hickory, brazilian walnut, etc etc. Dark, light, in between. Gloss, semi gloss or low sheen. Thin strip or wide plank.

Help.

I’m drowning in a sea of trees.

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Does This Float Your Boat?

If there still remains a lake in Austin following a zillion consecutive days of 100+ degree temps and nary a drop of rain, then by all means head to this fabulous Lake Austin boat house.

Still in Hawaii. Karly’s in charge next week, but have no fear: I’m sure she will steer the ship straight, whether there be high waters or no water at all.

Happy Friday, mateys!

[Arch Daily]

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