Howdy kids, hope you all had a swell weekend! We spent the days doing yardwork and the nights eating and drinking yummy stuff, so it was mostly lovely and relaxing… and I am totally unprepared for the cold hard wall in my face that is Monday. Thank jeebus for Wallpaper Magazine, because they always have the most interesting spreads (when they aren’t showcasing 20 pages in a row of disgusting albeit beautifully photographed raw steaks… although maybe that also qualifies as interesting?). Anyway, look at this:

How about that Ligne Roset bed? Amazing! What’s that you say — something is obscuring your view of it? Oh yes. Giant taxidermied animals were obviously necessary to illustrate the hipster appeal of these fine furnishings.

That Jaime Hayon chair is certainly foxy, though.

If I only had 5 seconds to grab something out of this room, I’m not sure if I would yank the lamb away from gaping lupine jaws, or put that Herve Van Der Straeten console table under my coat and run for my ever loving life.

What do you think? Is Wallpaper too clever for its own good?

Or maybe just crazy like a fox?

Lately my thoughts on design have been filled with more questions than answers:  Should i go with 2 small or one large coffee table?  Box-up, display, or hock the knickknacks I’ve been carting around for years?  And, most importantly, when to say when with a teddy bear colletion:

Psst, I’m pretty sure the answer is one.  Or a million.  Shit I don’t even know.  I kinda sorta like how 80 gazillion raggedy bears create a textural, bizarre landscape in this otherwise simple space.  But then again, they’re teddy bears.  And then we must consider that they are in the same home as these displays:

Someone likes collections.  On one hand I appreciate the restraint with which all these groupings are displayed.  Despite the fact that Mr. Homeowner also owns 452 canes and 347 magazines (my figures) the place is still pretty spiffy and looks nothing like the vintage shops most collector’s homes resemble.  But, then again, these are canes and bears we’re talking about here.

And glasses, let’s not forget that we need 18 thousand glasses.  I saw a wide shot of this room and that cupboard is like 90 feet high, this is only a third of the glassware.  That bird is like head level to me if that helps put it into perspective.  Why not 4,000 birds you ask?  Fear not

For there are at least 782 quail on the premises.  And, if my design logic is correct these puppies are smack-dab behind teddy bear alley.

But, then again there is this Jesus on the Cross right below a fossilized fish, so there’s that.

What do you say?  Are 433 canes appropriate?  Should I keep all those stupid knickknacks of mine?  And what about the double / single coffee table dilemma?  Sorry, you get no visual on that.  Go with your gut.

First of all, thanks for your kind comments expressing support for my waffling ways. Someday we’ll buy a house, but not yet. I think. Anyway I’m pretty tired of thinking about the whole thing, and now Japan is melting down and the whole world is collapsing. That’s really too heavy for a Monday, so let me just say that I’ve developed an unhealthy relationship with vacation fantasies to cope with all this crap. Where could I run away to? I did consider the circus, but I think I’ve found something much more interesting (and far less painful). Check out Giraffe Manor. You can run away with me.

I realize it kind of looks like I’m fantasizing about moving into Jumanji with Robin Williams and that would be 50 kinds of freaky, but this 1930′s lodge in Nairobi is for real.

How awesome is this??? It makes me want to jump up and down and start squealing like a pig in heat.

Ike would go bonkers for this shit. Or maybe he would run away screaming… I give him 50/50 odds of having a good time, but this fantasy is really all about me.

Did I mention that the house is pretty amazing, too? It was built in the style of a Scottish hunting lodge. In Kenya.

That kind of sets off my anti imperialist alarm bells, but I’m ignoring them because I want to pet a giraffe from my window like all the other white ladies… no wait, I want a pet giraffe. Do they make tiny giraffes?

I think this Sharon Montrose print from 20×200 is pretty much the only way I’m going to turn fantasy into reality right now. Meanwhile, I’m starting a vacation fund. I’m sure Giraffe Manor is very inexpensive.

Who needs a new house, anyway?

If you’ve been reading this blog for more than five minutes, then it’s no secret that I have a special place in my heart for animals. And brass. And especially for brass animals. I do own a sparkly little guy named Brian who brings me joy whenever I spy his upturned hooves from across the room, where he patiently defends his territory from the sometimes loving, occasionally psychotic embraces of a toddler who shares mama’s love for four legged creatures.

That’s why when I saw this, I almost lost my marbles.

The home of Lauren Santo Domingo, via A Dreamer’s Den.

Holy Claude and Francois-Xavier Lalanne! You know how you can just muddle through life — just get by somehow — and on the surface things are good, but there’s always this little piece of you deep down inside that senses something is missing? This is what’s missing from my life. I need a hippo bar.

While I’m self diagnosing my internal weaknesses, I think this is missing, too.

Via Little Augury.

Do you see that magnificent creature, with its furtive bestial head that says, Push me! Pull me! Also, its splendiferous practicality is not to be ignored. It’s a desk. The Lalannes were nothing if not captains of industry.

Via If the Lampshade Fits

Practical, yes — but you have to admire their sense of humor. If dear old Francois were alive today, I’m sure he would have enjoyed Portlandia’s cheeky advice to just put a bird on it. Birds make everything better.

Pamplemousse Design

I firmly believe the Lalannes were also responsible for the mouton movement, and here les moutons are lovingly ensconced next to a watering hole. So thoughtful of the designers. Stuffed animals have needs, too.

Peter Marino

But in all fairness, my heart belongs to the bronze pieces, because I never met a bit of bling I didn’t want to take home to meet daddy. Put a Lalanne alligator chair beneath a Francis Bacon painting and you have one of my favorite pairings of all time. This picture is so good that it just blew my mind up, and if I have one axon and dendrite left to fire up the old synapses and finish this round up, then I’ll be amazed…

Architectural Digest

Thank you, Claude and Francois Xavier Lalanne — you are entirely responsible for blowing almost all of my neural circuitry, but it was worth it.

Good luck working after all that mind blowing awesomeness.

I’m starting this new column because sometimes I come across things for which I genuinely can’t determine my feelings. That’s where you come in, and isn’t it comforting to know there’s no wrong answer? It’s not like I’m a teacher, slamming the sledgehammer of knowledge across your knuckles when you answer incorrectly, or like your boss who thinks the answer to improving performance is assigning more TPS reports. I’m even nicer than your kids — I promise I will never scream at you in public if I don’t like what you’re doing. Just playing along is alright by me.

So: Yes or No?

Maximo Riera’s Octopus Chair. Hip Lovecraftian throne, or nightmare from the deep?

Please please please don’t forget to tune in early next week for my big reveal of Ike’s nursery/playroom redo! It’s almost done and it’s looking pretty cute, if I do say so myself…

Happy weekend, ya’ll!

Oh! PS:

It appears Apartment Therapy’s annual Homies bizness is going down, so if you feel like heading over HERE and nominating us, Karly and I will be your eternal wives in heaven. That’s a pretty good deal, right?

I really should have added books to my list of acceptable holiday gifts, mostly because I am a greedy hoarder of all things glossy and gorgeous. Just cracking open a new monograph by a favorite artist is enough to give me a eyegasm, but don’t worry — I like to keep my peeping on the down low (insert lecherous laugh here).

Feast your eyeballs on the Fables series by Karen Knorr and try to restrain yourself. Stunningly staged rooms + Animals = Perfection in print. Enjoy.

Photographed in large format at museums based largely in France, Knorr’s images combine analog craftsmanship with a bit of digital trickery to highlight the chasm between the natural and civilized worlds. The results range from sweetly playful to shockingly menacing.

Buy the book here. This kind of eye candy never gets old.

Found via the very excellent Bertha Mag.

Last week after I posted the magical Diane Von Furstenberg leopard rug kt left a comment with a link to her dreamy tiger rug:

When she said it was in her nursery, I was pretty jealz, but when she said it was only $200 I went into full-blown freak out mode.  I couldn’t believe that I had just finished my own tiger-friendly nursery and never knew that ebay held such cheap tigerly riches.  Of course, I raced right over.

What I found was nothing short of magical:

Ok, so I know many of you don’t share my affinity for tacky animal decor but just amuse me for a day.  I mean, really, you may not want this in your house but you can not deny the awesome power of this white tiger astral area rug.  Holy fuck, it rulz.

Are you feelin it?  Well then go on with your bad self and spend the $63.20 to make this 5′ x 8′ rug yours.  YES, SIXTY THREE DOLLARS FOR AN 8 FOOT RUG.  I’m sure it’s 100% flammable, but it’s also 1,000% awesome.   Original link here, but if it’s expired, just search “black midnight tiger rug.”  You’re welcome.

Here’s more:

Jungle African Queen Area Rug

4′ x 6′ = $24.99

If you dudes aren’t peeing yourselves yet, well then I just don’t know what’s wrong with you.

Tiger Family Border Rug

4 x 6 = $24.99

Personally, I think the border cheapens it.

Double Tiger African Area Rug

5 x 8 = $63.20

You can’t make this shit up

Lion and Male Tiger African Animal Rug

5 x 7 = $7.51

SEVEN DOLLARS AND FIFTY ONE CENTS

Oh, did you want something with “class” ok, well, I also found some rugs similar to the ones in kt’s nursery:

Tibetan Tiger Rug

58″ x 32″ = $295

Tibetan Skin Tiger Rug

2 x 3 = $169

Surprisingly, the tiger rug options are endless, I strongly suggest some downtime with a nice “tiger rug” ebay search.  Until tomorrow: Rawr!!!

You guys know that I could never paint a color bolder than gray on any of my walls but that doesn’t negate my burning desire to hang out in rooms with some seriously bold color.  Right now I’m being seduced by these moody emerald walls.  Emerald?  I know, go figure.

Twig Hutchinson

Now I’m not going to let a pesky little detail like my current inability to sit on that couch stop me from digging this room.  As soon as the little bambino pops out I can roll all over that yellow beauty.

Zownir Locations

Hmmm, this yellow and emerald combo looks familiar, but that couch is decidedly more practical given my current condition.

Sunset

In person:  could be awesome, could be scary.  I just don’t know.  I hope the towel is clean.

VT Wonen

Kinda emerald, right?

Diane Von Furstenberg

And if, like me, you can’t paint your walls green and, unlike me, you have a gragillion dollars, you can add the sexiest accessory known to mankind to your room via this Dian Von Furstenburg rug.  Psst, I found this over at If the lampshade fits and have been dreaming of it ever since.  Think I can sneak it onto my baby registry?

I’m kinda digging these pictures

Summer of love series by Saiman Chow.  For $100 a pop one of these precious works of art could be yours.  Just think, you’d be well on your way to filling up your own X-Rated art pad like the one we saw Tuesday.

Mom’s in town today, so short post, dudes.  Peace out

via Below the Clouds

The New York Times is running an article online about extravagant fish tanks: $200,000 tanks with $1000 monthly maintenance fees.  What I find particularly jaw dropping about the story isn’t the cost of the homeowner’s decor, it’s the fact that the homeowners consider fish decor in the first place.

Fish are animals.  They do not belong in little glass boxes and they do not exist to decorate your room or to amuse you.  They are living creatures.  And seriously, before I get a bunch of hate comments (I’m not changing my mind) yes, yes it is different from having a cat or a dog, both of which are allowed outside to roam and coexist in a mutually beneficial relationship of companionship with their care givers.  I do not own a cat so that my living room looks prettier.  In fact, my cats make my space look much worse, but I love them more than my things so I manage.

(sorry for the long disclaimer, I just really don’t want to fend off hate comments today.)

The designers interviewed in the article note that aquariums answer the age old questions: “How do you humanize this space, how do you introduce natural elements? How do you make it feel like you’re not standing in a white, pristine, soul-less box?”

8 fish swimming endlessly around 2 rocks doesn’t feel soulful to me.  Fail.

The owners of this 6,000 pound, $200,000 suspended tank “get lost in it” at night rather than the television set.  I’m so so glad that nature’s creatures are able to provide you with endless entertainment.

It is noted that the owner’s of this tank’s other point of pride in their home is the tanning bed in the basement.  Need I say more?

Ok, really, I’m sure there are lots of people who will disagree with me today.  I’m sure several of you have aquariums and love your fishies and I’m sure you make great homes for them.  And, no, they are not being hunted and eaten.  I know there are several sides to the fish-in-home debate, and I could probably be persuaded to accept several of the gray areas, but the bottom line is that fish as decor creeps me out.  Please try not to get too hatey today.  Besides, this whole look is really 80s, and not in a good way.  xoxo

Last Friday my new couch got totally upstaged by my panther coffee table.  Yes, my brand new most expensive piece of furniture was put to shame by a pair of panthers purchased from craigslist and spray painted by my mom.

So let’s talk about them.

Note, this is actually a super old picture with my old couch and old rug and tile-free fireplace.

I purchased 4 of these panthers from craigslist for a whopping $100.  They were black with eyes and mouths painted on their silly faces.  I think the rocks under them where gray.  They were pretty silly.  I bought them from a former bachelor who had, according to him, spent years looking for a panther table only to marry a woman who demanded they vacate the premises.   While I may have reconsidered the union, he instead chose to sell them to little old me.

I carted them home (breaking one along the way) and made a plan to paint them gold.  Before I had a chance to give them the Midas touch, my mom came along and did it for me.  Thanks mom.

I know these panthers are pretty rad and you probably think there’s not much more i can say about them but you would be wrong.

Recently, while watching old episodes of the most awesome show ever made in my lifetime I observed that TRACY JORDAN HAS THE EXACT SAME PANTHER TABLE IN HIS FREAKIN DRESSING ROOM.  Ok, his are black, but that’s fine, because TRACY JORDAN HAS ALMOST THE EXACT SAME PANTER TABLE IN HIS FREAKIN DRESSING ROOM.  I wish to all things holy that I had paused and taken a screen shot but I didn’t have the foresight to realize it then and now the only episode I saw them on is a distant memory (I had a 3 season marathon and it’s all a blur).  This is the best picture I could find online.

Find me a better picture and I’ll think of something crazy nice to do for you.

Before I hit the road, I want to apologize for this quasi lame post BUT BUT BUT, I’m working on a big huge post for Thursday that involves a big surprise announcement that’s not to be missed.  Unless you have the option of taking the day off work and going shopping or swimming, then I would probably miss the surprise in that case.

Kisses!

I love a good weiner… dog, that is. This weekend, we joined Karly and Mattybear at the Weiner Dog Races in Buda, TX, a wee country town just minutes south of Austin.

Photo by Jay Janner of the Austin American Statesman

It had to be the weirdest county fair I have ever been to, but I gotta say that the pups were doggone cute. So today I’m posting a few doggy decor items inspired by our day at the races. Blue ribbons not included.

Dogs as typefaces, via Swiss Miss

I am obsessed with these headless dog speakers. Woofers by Sander Mulder.

Available in a limited run of only 50 pieces, these little dudes by Matteo Cibic have a fine pedigree.

Ibride’s Sultana Dog Stool

I love this Dog Mask Mirror, designed by Tord Boontje and Emma Woffenden for Artecnica.

Check out this amazing tutorial on how to screenprint your own wallpaper. If you’ve ever screenprinted anything, you know what a crazy big achievement this doggie wallpaper by Polly Danger is.

And finally, an oldie but goodie — the Whippet Bench by Radi Designs even comes in gold. Truly, that must be man’s best friend.

I’m leaving y’all with a little pic of Me and Ike in the petting zoo at the fair. We survived the voracious baby eating goats… barely. I’m not sure Ike’s pacifier will ever the the same, though.

Sorry our posts are looking all wonky… we’re having some weird wordpress glitches that force us to code in HTML and mama no likey. Hopefully it’ll all magically resolve itself soon.

That’s it for the weekend wrap up. Did any of you do anything super exciting? Tell me all about it.