OH MY GOD, the swine flu is coming! The swiiiiiine fluuuuu! Everybody FREAK OUT. RUN. HIDE!!!!!!!!
Remember SARS? The avian flu? West Nile virus? All those other pandemics that resulted more in spiked ratings for the major news networks than in spiked fevers for you and me? Well, this just in: THE SWINE FLU IS NO MORE DANGEROUS THAN THE REGULAR FLU. Sure, the flu sucks — just ask Karly. Hell, she may have even had the swine flu for all we know, but she is still alive (trust me on this. I’m way too lazy to write posts for her).
So just chill, panicked people. Besides, wouldn’t you rather look like this:
I mean, those masks are just tacky, and what is the point of touching your infected mask to another infected mask? It’s like two nasty sponges mingling in a disgusting, germy sex dance. Gross.
And really, what do we have against viruses anyway? They’re kind of pretty.
Awwww, look at that cuddly little guy floating around in there! Maybe the swine flu is just looking for love in all the wrong places? So, today let us celebrate the beauty of nature’s most resilient replicator in all its inspired glory. This flu’s for you.
Viruses really are elegant examples of design. Stuff some DNA in a hard protein casing, and voila: Bacteriophagearrific! Even Philippe Starck knew to borrow from the basics — his virus-inspired juicer for Alessi remains one of his most classic creations.
And really, no one can blame little ol’ DNA for the flu. Because ATCG combined is one bad motherfu — What? I’m just talking ’bout the building blocks of life! DNA Lamps by Next.
What that DNA can do is just magical — slimey oozy gooey, groovy. New Order Chair by Jerszy Seymour for Vitra.
And who’s afraid of a few extra mutations here and there? There’s just more to snuggle up to, in my opinion. Chernobyl Doll by Jaime Pitarch.
This pretty shiny chair by Richard Hutten looks so much like our swine flu buddy that it should be named “Swiney for your Heiny.” I think it has a ring to it, don’t you?
Check out the Contamination series of ceramics by Tamsin Van Essin. Ok, so the designs were inspired by bacterial colonies, and I really have no clue how bacteria work except that they’re anaerobic or something like that (bio was a LONG time ago, ok?), but today bacteria is also getting a free pass. E Coli = E Cool!
Bom chicka bom bom, these aluminum cast tables from Reddish Studio make sickly look sexy.
Pretty soon the whole world is going to look like this anyway, so there’s really no use fighting the new germ order. Third Space by the Academy of Fine Arts in Munich.
So, throw away all those creepy masks and pesky latex gloves, and join the viral revolution. Glove Lamp by Katarina Britse.
And while you’re at it, kiss a pig for me.