Tomorrow we leave town on our annual Thanksgiving pilgrimage. Every year my enormous family congregates at our farm near Texarkana, and we all enjoy good food, good company, and lots of redneckified activities, like ridin’ four wheelers, burnin’ stuff, and shootin’ up a storm. I’m all about the four wheelers and any activities involving fire, but despite early indoctrination (I first shot a Glock at eight), I’m more than a little squeamish about guns. Because the only ass that’s getting a cap busted in it is probably mine.

Despite my misgivings, I really want to join in the fun. But I’m not even going to consider picking up a gun unless it looks like one of these:

(via Xirdalium)

Because, you see, everything does not look better in black. In fact, many things look good in pink and aqua with leopard on top, and there ain’t nothing that don’t look better in gold. No kind of thing.

Even though I was an eight year old badass with the hard black heart of an assassin, as a 32 year old wussy I may need to slowly ease my way back into the game. You know, get my feet wet. Try on some training wheels for size.

(via Glamguns)

Pretty pink Hello Kitty knows how to make a girl feel soft and feminine, but everyone knows that bitch can fight when backed into a corner. Watch out for the claws when they come out! Pft!

Who am I kidding? I may need to start out even… slower. Like, really slow. Like, more decorative, less lethal, slow.

(via A+R Store)

This paper AK-47 is probably a little more my speed. Pretty, but ineffectual. I’ll look really cool while holding it, but self inflicted injuries will be kept to a minimum. Now we rollin! Dog.

Honestly, I kind of prefer the more old school weaponry. A little more Wild Wild West, with saloons and spurs, and weapons that aren’t in the least automatic. Although the lack of modern medical technology is a definite minus for the accident prone. Wonder who that might be…

Awwwww yeah. Bet you thought I forgot this was a design blog! What have we here? Winchester shot glasses from Amazon, which are potentially lethal in a totally different way; A pistol shaped remote control seen at Design Boner that my dad would kill for; the uber slick “Smoking Gun” via This Next; and Jonathan Adler’s whimsical needlepoint pillow, adored by pistol packin’ grandmas everywhere.

Of course, my newfound frippery would look fabulous against this old-school-meets-young-stunna backdrop:

Designer Wallcovering carries Thug Stripe black and white gun wallpaper. Yes, please. And I have just the thing to cast a perfect, decoratively violent, glow upon it.

Rock and Royal (purveyors of the OG nefarious pirate ship chandelier) think that everything looks better under crystal, and they can glue, string, stitch, or wire it together in just about any configuration imaginable. I’m just not sure if I like the AK or the snub nosed pistol better:

Whereas the AK is sharp and pointy, the pistol is so soothing and unassuming. It says, “What, me? Dangerous? Never.” Kind of like that douchebag boy you dated in high school, and you remember how that turned out. Alrighty, AK it is!

Or maybe I don’t want any guns hanging over my head. They don’t exactly connote the same sense of imminent death that, say, a guillotine might. Still, there are only a few wires keeping that barrel off my neck. Perhaps I’d be better off with something gravity bound.

I blogged about this super fly gold table lamp by Philippe Starck a hundred million years ago, but time has done little to assuage my lust. I like that the business end is pointed up. I like gold. I like fetishize guns. Enough said.

But if I’m being realistic, I’d probably get the most use (and street cred) out of this little number:

(via Trendhunter)

Everyone respects a gun-shaped flask full of tequila. Especially during the holidays.

Alas, the moment we have been dreaming about for months has arrived.  After much nail biting and speculation, the question was answered:  would America be able to elect it’s first female Top Designer?  Apparently not.  Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 will forever be known as the day that subversive Nathan spray painted his way to victory.  Did you get your copy of the newspaper?

By way of Nathan’s win, America stood up and collectively shouted “No!!!  we can not take one more season of traditional design, Preston”:

The better of Preston’s dull rooms.  Note the Target pillows

The master bedroom that is absolutely, 100% made for sleeping

portfolio shot for job position at Rooms to Go the dining room

Ondine fell just short of victory, which may or may not mean that she now has to take Andrea to dinner and buy her a nice outfit at a posh New York store:

the actually cute girls room that (DRAMA!) almost didn’t happen.

It’s a shame that they have some intern with a point-and-shoot take these photos, they’ve managed to completely cut out the largest, and most interesting part, of this space:  the art work which stretched all the way to the ceiling.

Don’t you guys feel like we would all like these rooms much more if we had seen them months ago when they were designed?  The time-lapse makes them all seem so passe now.  Oh, and I hate that light paired with the table (too small) and the wallpaper (too underwhelming).

The living room, minus the zebra rug, not so bad

Nathan and stole the show with, ahem, this:

The judges could not stop flipping out about this space and, aside from the groovy sculpture, I don’t get it.  Maybe if I were actually IN the space?  I dunno.  I do appreciate that he skipped the formal living room and made a pretty, albeit useless, entryway.

boring bedroom 2.0: now with white curtains!

Nathan almost lost due to the criminally large sarcophagus in the family room.  He did pull at my heart strings a little by recognizing the flaw and not wanting to ask the movers to carry it back outside.  But then again, who carried it out after production was complete?

Clearly the best space in the house (and possibly throughout the entire season of the show) Nathan’s dining area.  LOOK!  It’s my table!  In white!  Despite how much I enjoy this space, I really can’t stand that PAPER PLATE chandelier. I’m all for DIY, it’s the reason my broke-ass has a nice home, but really, could you imagine presenting Margaret Russell with a chicken-wire-and-paper-plate chandelier?  You’d have to have ballz (or a ballsack shaped swarovski light) to try to pull that off.  Nathan, you had 80Gs to spend on this house, c’mon.

And finally, the centerpiece of this episode:

Kelly adds 10 years to her age while, ironically, trying to look like a little girl.  I actually like the dress, it’s the braids, Kelly.  The braids!

We here at DC headquarters were so excited about this historic event, we even threw a party.  Here are some pictures*

*Election party photos substituted for photos of non-existent Top Design Party

So, there you have it.  Nathan won.  Eddie was mean.  Kelly was crazy pants.  Jonathan’s marriage is no longer valid and, praise jesus, I don’t have to write about this crap anymore.

editors note:  the part about Jonathan is bologna, get it together California.

When Karly and I went to the Round Top antiques fair last month, the most common sentences uttered between us were either, “If only it was a tenth of the price!” or “I just wish it was bigger.” At that moment I realized I had developed a severe case of megalomania, although (silly me!) I should have seen it coming a year ago. Sometimes I feel like I’m just stumbling around aimlessly in the world of design, being as I am just a lowly artist type, and it so often happens that I’m a bit slow to catch onto the latest trends. But methinks this one caught me unawares because I mistook it for art. But it’s not art. I don’t think.

Take, for instance, the work of Dutch design duo Studio Job:

Their dazzling white gold, mosaic-covered, Silver Ware series for Bisazza featured traditional tabletop pieces in monstrous proportions; the teapot alone is six feet tall (photos courtesy of Dezeen and The LA Times).

Yet, only a few years ago, according to the International Herald Tribune:

Studio Job was condemned by Dutch design critics for its disdain for function and for its self-indulgent symbolism. “It was horrible,” recalled [co-designer] Smeets. “We were accused of making bad art by the art world, and bad design by the design world.” Today they are being lauded, for exactly the same reasons, as the poster boy and girl of the new expressionism in design.

So caught between art and design — or let’s say concept and function — Studio Job occupies a nether region of functionless and lack of concept, wrapped up in a shiny package with a (very) high price tag.

But what’s the difference between Studio Job’s giant spoon:

And Claes Oldenburg’s giant spoon (photo from Minneapolis Sculpture Garden):

No, I don’t think the only difference is the cherry on top, but seriously no one disputes Oldenburg’s status as a “real” artist. Is it only because he thought of making things that are usually small really big first? (This sculpture was made in the mid 80’s, but he started making gigantical sculptures in the 60’s.) And he’s certainly not the only artist to make giant sculptures. Take the always colorful artist Jeff Koons, for example (via If It’s Hip, It’s Here):

I’m extremely distracted by the gorgeous background, but how is this giant balloon dog different from, say, designer Jaime Hayon’s giant creepy doll thing (other than the difference in zeros on the respective price tags. Hint: artist Jeff Koons’ is exponentially more expensive):

Both sculptures are big and shiny, but could we say that Jeff Koons’ includes some kind of cultural critique of society, whereas Jaime Hayon’s does not? Maybe. I’d be interested to hear some of you super smart readers argue either side of that point.

What is it about epic proportions on everyday objects that make them so interesting, anyway?

Is there anyone who is not transfixed by this ridiculously ginormous rubber duckie? I didn’t think so. And no, it’s not photoshopped.

The design world definitely seems to have picked up on the “Bigger is Better” aspect of our culture, because big is REALLY BIG right now.

Marcel Wanders certainly looks pleased with his gargantuan “table” lamps. Of course, there’s no table in the world they could fit on… except maybe one of the silver “tea platters” by Studio Job, featured near the top of the post.

Perhaps he was just trying to one-up Philipe Starck’s design for the Parris Landing Condominiums?

Whatever the case, a relatively scaled down megalomania is wending its way through the homes of middle class consumers everywhere, as evidenced by this popular pad on Apartment Therapy:

How much do you love that giant screwdriver on the left??? It looks dangerous, which I am quite sure is the appeal for me. And check out the Mini-Me version of Starck’s giant light bulb. The surge of supersized objects doesn’t end there, though:

Even the typically refined anglepoise lamp — designed in the 40’s with smaller scaled homes in mind — has been pumped up by massive steroid injections. Unlike a scintillating six foot tall teapot, this lamp could fit right in to today’s McMansions. (photo on left via Desire to Inspire, photo on right via Apartment Therapy)

Another example of Design/Art’s (Des’Art?) trickle down economics:

Giant fork sculpture in Missouri via some guy’s Myspace evolves into giant fork wallpaper from Anthroplogie (pictures via Apartment Therapy):

Becomes giant fork in Mads Lauritzen’s surrealist photograph. Because improper proportions are surreal.

For some reason giant cutlery is really popular right now, and that brings back painful memories of those huge wooden forks and spoons that everyone’s Mom had on the kitchen wall. Whatever you do people, please don’t go there.

I have to admit that I like some of the more practical supersized designs. There’s a big difference between Studio Jobs’s giant golden coffeepot dumping a stylized brown river of what I can only hope is coffee:

And these nifty giant golden hand chairs seen in the sweetly elfin Jonathan Adler and adorably scathing Simon Doonan’s house, which was featured in Met Home:

By the way, I’m sure Adler got his chairs from super chic antiques dealer Todd Merrill, but I’ve seen them in hideous colors for as little as $30 on Craigslist and Ebay. Gold spray paint anyone? Or white, even?

Whew, I’m tired from thinking so much today, and I really hope I haven’t worn you out too much to discuss exciting things like: art versus design, or the decline of western civilization, or whether all design will simply grind to a halt in the face of a deepening recession. Is megalomania bound to shrink in direct proportion to our shrinking economy?

In case the real question you want to answer is, “Why do I have to read this crap? I’m not in school anymore,” I have a present for you:

It’s a super cute, supersized bunny! And if you like it, you won’t click on this link to find out what happened to it.

Sorry for the day late / 12 dollars short Top Design write up, like I said, Erin and I had art to look at.  But I was sooooo excited to get up yesterday morning to flip on my DVR to watch la TopD and write you all a review A-sap. Like most of you, I LOVE me some project runway, no matter how bad a season or how contrived a designer (I’m talking to you, Suede, current season) I will eat it up with a cliched spoon.  The best season BY FAR was season 2, hands down, no diggety, no doubt.  So when I saw that not one, not two but THREE of my season 2 PR alums were going to be rocking their bossy socks off on schlop design, my heart skipped several beats.  I’m revived and typing now.

Woe is me.  First of, there was not nearly enough SANTINO.  Like SANTINO, I would have liked the show to have been completely about him and for his room to look like this:

well, maybe with a better picture, but you get the point.  That man is one self absorbed mess, you need to feed that people, feed it.  Instead Eddie and the non-de-script entity he was paired with gave him this:

ironically, the only room without a mirror.  And why is the mannequin RIGHT in front of the door frame, you couldn’t even see her if you stood in front of the window.

I spent the last week on my vary hands and knees begging for a big PR reunion orgy / bitch-fest, apparently I must have spit in some orphan’s soup because I pissed off the big guy so much that instead, I got a lesson in how not to use mirrors in a window display, over, and over, and over again.

let’s, ahem, reflect:

Lesson 1.  Do not use mirrors to explain how much Pakistan is in the news or why Andre finally got a chance to be on TV again and only bothered to bring his D game.  I think this dress is a perfect parable for how sad it is to loose your favorite denim outfit

Lesson 2:  Staggered mirrors does not a David Hockney painting make.

Let’s digress a moment:  First, Jeffrey noted that his line was inspired by Blade Runner, which I think is a little passe at this point.  Wasn’t blade Runner sort of the fashion inspiration rage like 5 years ago? I guess he was taping Project Runway then and missed the bus (which is quite different from being thrown UNDER the bus, a common reality show phenom).  BUT even worse, Wisit and Kelly had NO idea what blade runner was.  Blasphamy!  Had they known, they could have made their window look EXACTLY LIKE THIS:

But I’m still not sure if his royal highness Jeffrey would have gotten it, as he *specifically* asked for “clean lines and minimalism, you know, like in Blade Runner”  Ahem, Mr. Sabella:

Jeffrey, meet blade runner, blade runner, meet jeffrey.  That shit ain’t clean or minimal, yo.

Oh my how I’ve strayed, back to mirrors:

Lesson 3:  If you get in your time machine, travel back to 1998 and hold up a school bus of pre-teen girls then combine your stolen bounty with some awkwardly placed mirrors and a framed piece of wallpaper, congratulations, you have the top design. The win goes to Ondine and Natalie, care of sweet pea’s kinda boring design.  But oh, I DO STILL LOVE YOU SWEET PEA.  Promise.

And finally, we have the last, and best, but kinda boring room:

Ok, can we talk about the fact that this room was based on A POEM.  Ahhhhhh!!!  Daniel you are so blissed out I want to pee my pants.  My ears vomited when you read that nonsense about golden sand and black branches and your mother’s biscuits.  How is it that you 1.  Had the best dress by far and 2. The best window?  You are living in a fog created by your own imagined glowing aura.  I guess you didn’t spit in any orphan’s soup this week.

Usually, on design shows, I like to think about what I would do if I were given $2 and a box of macaroni (thanks Eddie for the only funny moment) and, of course, like any self indulgent and deluded designer, I’m sure my idea is superior to any being shown on screen.  This week, however, I knew that there was no way on God’s green earth that I could possibly top the best window display of our time:

Congratulations, Viktor & Rolf, you have the top design.

Final Thoughts:

1.  Episode 3 Mrs. Schroder count = zero.  Great job, um, blondie.

2.  Is argyle a shade of green?  Nathan held up his GREEN color card and said “I have argyle”  did I miss something at the color summet?

3.  Nathan, Wisit, Eddie & Shazia all say they are 30.  Discuss

4.  Kelly wore this:

5.  Jeffery gawked at Wisit’s idea of graffitti and rococo, proclaiming how low end it was. Jefferey, please follow this link:  You’re a dumbass

6. Wisit really would not drop the Rococo thing, it was kinda sad and funny

7. The phrase “threw me under the bus” should be given the You Can’t Do That On Television treatment

8. I’m sorry I don’t have a picture of this, but did anyone notice that Preston’s grass green tie matched Andrea’s green dress at elimination?  That was easily the cutest moment of the show.  Good job, kids.

I have an insanely high capacity for crappy reality television.  Specifically, any reality show in which something is created, designed, made over, or otherwise made prettier by a group of self indulgent “designers” who are then pitted against each other, leading to an inevitable finale anchored by dramatic lighting, threatening music and the sweet, sweet promise of immunity.  Presumably, Top Design would rock my decor-loving life, but instead it is putting me in a zombi-like trance otherwise known as sleep.

This week the “designers” were asked to decorate a bunker (all preempted by Todd showing a kitchy 1950’s build your own bunker for when the bomb comes video.  It was a waste of my time.) Theoretically, we were all to spend the next 50 years in said bunker waiting for death’s sweet release.  Surprisingly, none of the designers chose to outfit their new dwelling with a noose, so as to escape this nonsense:

I don’t even remember this room and I just watched the episode 30 minutes ago.  According to bravo it was decorated by Kerry and Shazia.  Would anyone like to discuss the fabric folded along the bedframes?  It reminds me of those cheap, round wooden decorator tables that are sold at wal-mart and are made for the sole purpose of putting a ruffled tablecloth on.  If it’s sooo ugly that it needs to be covered up, why is it even made?  I understand that with this show they were given these ugly beds, I just HATE draping fabric as a cop-out.  I’m going to call this room hobby-lobby chic.

Next immemorable room:

Ondine and Preston (Erin’s Gay BF) Got in trouble for this room, apparently it was too “real.”  As in, they had THOUGHT OUT WHAT THEY MIGHT DO IN THERE AND DESIGNED THE ROOM TO FULFILL THOSE NEEDS, how dare they?!  Please pack all personal belongings and proceed to a properly decorated bunker immediately:

The winning Bunker designed by she whom shall not be identified as Mrs. Schroder and Eddie.  Look it’s got cows and trees, just like outside!  We’ll forget we’re locked down here for the rest of our natural born lives!

PS. Is that a trash bag at the end of the right sofa?

And the runners up:

Sleepy-town by Nathan and Wisit.  I have to admit that my knee-jerk reaction to this challenge was to cover the walls and ceiling in fabric, so Wisit did tug at my heart strings with his suggestion.  However, I was picturing something a little more along the lines of, oh, I don’t know, something a top designer would produce, something, say, like this:

Yes, I know I posted this last Friday, but you know you loved it and want to see it again.  A+ Philippe Starck, you have the top design.

Trying to end the misery as quickly as possible:

Jennifer and Robert’s losing room, so bad it sent both of them home.  I think it’s really funny that they both threw temper-tantrums and drew a line in the proverbial sand.  ha ha.  babies.

BTW, Bravo, thanks for tipping us off on the ending:  When the designers were shopping Mrs. Schroder got mad at Jennifer and said karma would come back to her, which the producers awkwardly fit in to the production schedule, presumably to make the viewers, retroactively, at the end of the episode, realize that Mrs. S is more than Ricky’s wife, she’s freakin psychic!  Amazing!  Go home Jennifer and Robert!

Last room, promise:

I think it’s the warmest room of the bunch, and I don’t hate that thing on the back wall.  The slipper chair is hurting me a bit, though.  And, like (also psychic!) Todd Oldham predicted, Natalie and Theresa needed to edit, there’s just too much junk in that bunk. 

Digression:  Wouldn’t it have been funny if someone had put a weight-lifting bench and some free weights into their room?  I mean, if you’re really going to be there for 50 years, you don’t want your muscles to atrophy.  A potty would be nice too.  And a mess kit.  I think the judges really missed the mark this time.

Here are some other highlights from the episode (I dug deep)

1. Kelly Wearstler’s outfit was EASILY the most interesting thing on the show last night.  A bit overly dramatic and costumey, but I was still hypnotized by the lovely striped scarf and all those gold brooches.

2. I spy anthropologie’s wallpaper in the designer’s apartment

3. We learned that contestant Natalie!!! has a very sophisticated world view:  apparently, the Chinese are building a transformer that will force us all underground when they seek vengeance for that Hiroshima bomb thingy

4. Jonathan, please stop saying j’adorable.  Your new catch phrase is not.

5. Hanging the models out of a hot air balloon made for a really cute photo shoot.  Wait, that was from the entertaining show that was on last night.

6. I’m sick of team challenges.  

7. I remember where I was the first time I found out that Andrea was Rick Schroder’s wife.  I was reading Elle Decor in my living room with my cat and an ice cold diet coke.  

8. I CAN’T WAIT to watch Jeffrey Sebelia become overly dramatic and serious about the store our designers are making for him next week.  Because, you know, the store is totally real and he has to live with their design.  Forever.

Oh. My. God.  It happened.  Tonight was the apex:  everything that is right with television all came to a catty, designy peak right here in my living room.  PR. TD. ANTM.  Who is waging war against my psyche and trying to send me into overload?  Because this is a design blog, I’m only going to bother you with Top Design.  Erin already did a brazzilliant post, which I encourage you to read.  NOW  (see below).  This show is like an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a train wreck.  And, sadly, there are only a few sad pictures online.  Now, I’ve just recently moved out from under the rock I used to live beneath (read:  I’ve only had cable for 6 months) so I never saw TD1 in it’s entirety but I do remember a hobgob of crappy rooms and piss poor construction, I justified this by limited time and budget, but PR designers bust out some bangin’ stuff under similar conditions so really, there’s no excuse for stuff like this:

could you honestly imagine standing in front of Kelly Wearstler  trying to justify a shadow box filled with peanut butter and beer?  According to Adler:  ”Breaking the rules is fine, but first you have to know the rules”  Truer words were never spoken JA, never.  (frankly, that quote was the highlight of the episode)

Now, for our friends down under (I’m talking to you Raina) who don’t get to cringe in embarrassment from week to week I will summarize another shadow box that I couldn’t find a picture of:  It was filled with apples.  yes, apples.  In my humble opinion, shadow boxes are to be used on four specific occasions:

1. to display something sentimental

2. to display something stunningly beautiful

3. to draw attention to an everyday object that could be considered unconventionally beautiful

4. to start a small fire (my preference)

please note, an apple display did not fit into in any of the above bullet points.

Seriously?  These kids are the best of the best?  They all cried like a bunch of babies when given a budget of $2,000.  I thought, $2,000 + craigslist = my dream home.  There were a couple of small glimpses of brilliance (by comparison) but otherwise I was unimpressed, and, therefore, totally ready to snarkily enjoy the next few weeks.  My head is spinning.  

More disasters:

a shadow box with (oh la la) a new years theme.  

world’s ugliest bedroom.  If I had a worst enemy, I would rescue them from this room.

how much pee do you think is on this sad couch?  Don’t you just love how it’s disproportionately paired with the original work of “art”?

To summarize, here are my love / hates:

Eddie:  emerges from the pack with his adorable traveling butlers pantry.  

India: familial coat tails?  Should I know her?  This really could be a me problem, educate me.

Preston:  You ain’t foolin me with that first year art school shadow box.  Save the sad stories about personal tragedy for the kleenex endorsement you’ll get after the show ends.

Jonathan: Wise and true

Natalie: b’bye nat I give you 2 more episodes, MAX

Santino:  SANTINO!!!!!  I can’t wait!!!  I want to decorate a room for you, I promise to use Santino-face wallpaper just like you would want

Andrea:  how many times did you put your hubbie’s name on your application miss “i’m going to make it on my own terms?”

Serge: It really wasn’t your time to go, even with the crappy shadow box

Wisit: ixnay on the ingingsay.

The rest: no solid opinion.  

Stay tuned, so much more to come all season long

PS. remember to read erin’s post, below.  I love her!

Yes, it’s true. I’ve never done it before, but I popped my cherry tonight. Can you believe I’ve been holding out for so long? Don’t worry — it’s not a one night stand. Karly and I will keep you covered all season long. But I’ve already stayed up late tonight savoring my first taste of sweet sweet bliss, so I’m just going to rattle off my first (probably clueless) impressions:

1) Kelly Wearstler has some exotic…er, hair.

2) J’adore Jonathan Adler. What a doll!

3) Eddie is a kiss ass.

4) Shazia is a hot mess.

5) Wisit is annoying, but he may be a genius.

6) I think those shopping spaces are prestocked by the producers.

7) Ricky “Rick” Schroeder’s wife is a ruthless competitor with boring taste.

8 ) Preston can come paint my canvas anytime. I don’t care if he is gay.

9) Kelly Wearstler’s apartment looked like a ripoff of a Kelly Wearstler apartment, but it was far and away the best space.

10) Robert looks like a serial killer, and he needs to go home.

11) The ladies are looking weak overall, but maybe Ondine will surprise me.

12) Holy Toledo! Jeff Lewis??? I CAN’T WAIT!

What did you all think?

I know I’m probably wearing you down with my Jonathan Adler references, and I promise this is the last one for a while.  However, am currently LOVING the portrait chair in the room shown above.  Now, I’m a pretty good super sleuth so I could probably find the original if I wanted but I’m sure I’d be lead down a trail of tears ending with a god-awful price-tag.  Always the one to save myself the torment and agony inspired by the unattainable, I thought i might just figure out a way to reproduce the sexy little number myself.

So, here’s what I’m thinking, I find a basic chair, like the Ikea one listed above (only without the stupid wimpy chrome legs).  Then I can project an image onto the back, draw it out, then threaten Matt with the life of his stupid cat and make him cut it out for me.   A few magical paint by numbers minutes later et voila, le chair.  What do you think?  Am I flying too close to the sun on beautifully lacquered wings of wax?

ps. if anyone wants to send me a gigantic snail pillow for christmas, I’ll totally understand

OMG, so Matt and I just closed on this house last Tuesday and we’re happy as a bunch of peas in a gold-leafed pod.  I’ve posted some pics of our new digs below, the outside is cushy with a big yard and a crazy front porch.  The color isn’t my first choice (Matt loves it, of course.  But then again, he has no say).  The inside, however, is a massive fixer.  Ok, medium fixer.  

It was built in 1984, and boy does the inside show it.  Did you see that hot mess of a tile job around the fire place?  Poor Matt spent 3 hours last night tearing it out.  We’ve also already ripped out the carpet, the baseboards and all those pesky carpet tacks.  Did you know that carpet is totes tacked to the concrete?  Scheesh!  Who want’s carpeting that badly.  Gross, my eyes are bleeding.  So, I’ve enrolled Matt and I on team renovation, membership: 2.  Cross your fingers that he doesn’t divorce me, at least not until the kitchen is remodeled.  I’ve been seeking inspiration across the entire world wide web and have found some glorious pieces of furniture, rooms I’m willing to kill my cat for and, of course, miles and miles of disgusting granite.  I know, dear readers, that you realize that granite is the avocado green of the millennium.  It is barfy and you should never ever touch it, look at it or breath near it.  

Jen Perkins over at Naughty Secretary Club has been posting some hot rooms on her blog and she’s also started this magical flickr group the Practical Encyclopedia of Good Decorating and Home Improvement.  There are lots of badassical gems over there that I urge you to check out immediately.

I’m also pretty hyped up on this Jonathan Adler room right now.  It’s a wee bit too minimal for me (where are all the creepy flea market treasures??) but the layout is almost identical to my living room and those crazy dog statues make me want to crawl under a well upholstered sofa and die for not thinking of them first.  

 Jonathan, you make my heart sing.  For now, I have to go glamorously patch concrete holes.  I’m totally going to go all Naomi Campbell style on the renovations, so don’t you even worry about me.