Yes, I am still alive. I know it may seem like I fell off the face of earth, but that’s only because you don’t follow me on pinterest. Ahhhh, pinterest. Is there any place easier to access with my left hand whilst the right shoves a boob in the baby‘s mouth at 5 am? Nay, I say there is not. And what pinterest is bringing me these days is tile envy. Major major tile envy.

Tile in the kitchen…

Tile in the bathroom…

[Design Manifest]

Tile, tile, tile.

I could go on, but I’m getting sad. Just before Christmas I helped the in laws redo their guest bathroom, and seeing all that fresh new marble go in reminded me that our bathrooms look like this:

I feel that I should defend the cleanliness of our grout — it really is cleaner than it looks in the picture! I promise! Maybe it’s wet or something??? — but seriously, what’s the point? That is 10 pounds of shit packed into a five pound bag. Completely indefensible.

I would kill for those $1 black and white checkerboard tiles (set in a diamond pattern, please), and even the cheapo white square ceramic tiles behind the tub. I don’t need fancy — I need NEUTRAL. For heaven’s sake, who thought greenish khaki (basically bile colored) tiles were flattering in a bathroom?

Oh, and let’s not forget the kitchen.

What. The. What.

So this is how things break down: since we moved in I have either been sick and pregnant, on bedrest, or the caretaker of a newborn and a sassy three year old (they’re still here — just older). I did my best to transform the things I could with paint, curtains, fabric, etc., but there is some fundamental horribleness lurking in this house that must be demolished. The tile must die. The cabinets must be painted. A bowling ball might accidentally be dropped on the granite counters.

I need to win the lottery.

And/or maybe learn how to set tile.

In the meantime, I’m going to return periodically to take you on a tour of the cute rooms I have “finished,” and probably you will be so wowed by my magnificent decorating and photography skills that you will hire me to help you do one of those things.

Won’t someone think of the tile? For only the price of a cup of coffee a day it could be saved.

As long as that cup of coffee is a grande starbucks somethingccino with 24k gold sprinkles on top, but who’s counting.

It’s good to be back.

Happy New Year!

Apologies for not giving y’all the attention you so richly deserve, especially since I truly appreciate all the feedback and comments you’ve offered on our quest for the perfect floors. Let me just say that I’m so busy I can barely remember my name anymore. Having our house on the market has been INSANE. Like, we don’t live here anymore insane. I barely have internet access, we are surviving on salt and grease laden take out — despite which I have lost several pounds from stress — and Ike isn’t sure where to call home. Still we’ve managed to decide on flooring. Drum roll please…

It’s engineered white oak in a 6″ strip with a natural, matte finish. I’m hoping it will look like this floor:

Because that floor is sex on a stick.

I was (ok, and still am) more than a little worried about the wide plank, but it was the best quality material I could afford and that’s the only size it came in. Luckily a kind commenter directed me to these floors, which have renewed my lust for big booty planks:

Freaking orgasmic, I tell you. Dinesen makes some of the most fabulous flooring I’ve ever seen, but I’m betting the farm that it’s waaaay more pricey than what I bought.

Those boards are ridiculously long, and look at how little variation there is… gajillion dollar floors for sure.

I’m still a little nervous that I might tire of the bigger is better look, but these photos are going a long way towards convincing me otherwise.

What do you think? Fat or skinny?

I have spent hours poring over flooring. My eyes have turned to tired squinty slits and my brain can no longer discriminate between oak and stained hickory. My plans to install solid white oak and have it site finished have been dashed by a dastardly concrete floor… and our pocketbook. I’m starting to think wood should be traded on the NYSE.

I’m suffering from wood overload.

I need someone to tell me what to buy: white oak, red oak, stained hickory, brazilian walnut, etc etc. Dark, light, in between. Gloss, semi gloss or low sheen. Thin strip or wide plank.

Help.

I’m drowning in a sea of trees.

Despite my long standing love for hardwood floors, I extolled the virtues of carpet in Monday’s post. This mystifying self revelation came about when I started to calculate potential renovation expenses, because carpet be cheap. True, carpet can be crazy ass expensive (Camilla from Designalogue wrote in to say she installed wall to wall ALPACA freaking carpet in a client’s home), but if you’re a careful shopper, it can also be quite reasonable. Although I’ve never had carpet installed, Collyn of ModFruGal has, and she quotes her price for hardwood flooring plus installation as being around $10 (our cost was similar when we redid the kitchen floors), vs carpet at around $4. So, if you’re covering a lot of sq footage like The Hunny and I may be in our new/old dream home, that is a HUGE difference. Still, I’d like to explore all possible cheap flooring options, and lovely reader Michael pointed us in the direction of plywood floors.

Say what???? First I wax poetic about carpet, and now plywood?

No really. It’s kind of awesome.

I mean, would you be mad if your floors looked like this? (Thanks to Michael for the image!)

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at this woody turn of events, since this isn’t the first post I’ve written about how chic plywood can be. But it is interesting to see it used as flooring in homes where hardwoods or concrete would traditionally have been the materials of choice.

Marine plywood in a super modern Italian designed house. via Dezeen

And of course you could always paint your floors, like this plywood floor in an art studio. Since it’s plywood, you don’t have to feel bad about covering your beautiful hardwoods.

These plywood floors were painted to look all rusticky and stuff. Via Coastal Living

Perhaps imperfect floors would give you the perfect excuse to experiment with designs. Although the next set of images are traditional hardwoods, these ideas could work equally well on inexpensive plywood. via Design Sponge

I always like a good checkerboard. In muted tones, the pattern remains very neutral.

This room isn’t really my style, but I like the idea of painted stripes.

These are marble, but there’s no reason you couldn’t inject some hot geo drama into your floors, as in this Miles Redd designed home.

But of course, white painted floors are always a popular choice. Check out Door Sixteen for excellent info on how to paint your floors white here. Image via Living Etc.

Although an opaque paint would most easily disguise flooring imperfections, a nicer plywood floor would look awesome with a translucent stain that allows the grain to show through.

Stenciled and stained chevron hallway via Alicia B Designs.

This room is a little too country, but the floor rocks. via Country Living

This diagonally stained room by Mark Cutler is AWESOME. He explains how to do it here.

The simple, ebony stained floors in this home designed by Sabrina Bignami could still be gorgeous in plywood.

So I’m thinking plywood sounds like an interesting flooring option, but I’m a little concerned about installation. Do you glue the boards to the floor? Nail them to each other somehow, so that they float? What happens when the boards expand and contract? Does anyone have plywood floors, or have experience installing them?

Inquiring minds need to know.