Like sands through the hourglass, bitches! It wasn’t easy, but I have finally finally finally taken some new pictures of my house so you can watch the drama unfold. Now, this is primarily a tale of conflicting couches, but stay tuned for side plots involving angled walls, terrible tv and stereo equipment, annoying door situations, and the obligatory regrets, excuses and fantasies.
Exposition:
Today’s episode is set in a quirky 60s ranch house with issues — like a crazy angled rock fireplace, a weird recess in the back wall, a wall-way, and a ridiculous door that opens into the room. Click le pic for a larger image.
The Players:
Hailing from Ethan Allen via craigslist, navy blue chesterfield sofa is petite yet all enveloping, soft yet remarkably supportive. Sexy as though she may be, the vagaries of time have not been kind to her (in other words, my cat scratched the crap out of her backside), and she’s feeling abused, neglected, beaten down. Let’s just say her name is Krystle.
Lean, powerful, and expensive, tan couch set hails from Elite Leather via ebay. 100% aniline, he don’t mess around with frou frou binders or chemicals, preferring instead to flash his scars and wrinkles like the badges of patinaed wisdom they are. He may be a tough, no nonsense kind of a guy, but he also knows how to make sweet sweet love to your body. We will call him Blake.
The Interloper:
Blake and Krystle have always had an uneasy relationship. Who ever thought that navy and tan could be happy in a black and gray world, anyway? But through years of proximity (and counseling with a similarly hued rug), they’ve learned to make it work. Until she came along.
Could this skinny slut be anyone other than Alexis, the cougar of couches? 70s rosewood casing with (not so) virgin wool upholstery, Alexis is compact and calculating. Even though I knew Blake and Krystle — while not an eternal match — were at least reasonably happy together, I let Alexis sing her sweet siren craigslist song to me. Basically, she said, “I’m cheap! I’m easy! And I’m sexy as hell!”
And she was. All of these things. But she scraps like a hyena with both Blake and Krystle, plus she’s a rock hard bitch. So to the office she went. Well, at least the office is looking better.
The story should probably end here, with a tenuous but palpable equilibrium. But there is always conflict brewing on the backburner…
Side Plots:
Technology, with its innumerable wires and hideous shiny blackness, is the bane of my existence. Also, my inability to replace those chairs with small cabinets housing the speakers is driving me to distraction. This is an endless source of real life conflict between me and The Hunny, who is seemingly bound by a testosterone oath not to crapoflage his ugly stereo equipment.
Then there is the door of hell that prevents sofa seating against this wall — the wall that faces the tv. Good planning!
This is the best furniture configuration yet. We have tried every possible permutation, and here it is. I should be happy. There are starving children in China. Not happy. Never happy. Want new couch. Want new house with no weird floorplan issues. Want to stop wanting things. So, SOOL lovers — tell me what’s next. What happens in the next episode of the drama? Do Blake and Krystle get broken up or do they kiss and make up? Does Alexis the sexy 70s set get sold to a dealer for a buttload of cash? Do I reconfigure the seating yet again??? Nevermind, I am way too damn tired for that.
Do I buy this sofa off craigslist for 50% of the retail price, thereby turning my living room into a satellite of Karly’s house, since she has the exact same couch? I am 99.9% sure this is a bad idea for many many many reasons, but I like to hold craigslist bargains in my mind like a pebble and rub them constantly.
As if you didn’t already know that the real drama was me.
Related posts:
damn, that rosewood baby is making me all hot and bothered. break me off a piece of that rock hard tease!
i think the living room is looking really great! Well styled, open, just eclectic enough against that brooding dark wall in the kitchen. i know how it feels to want it just right, and all that not-so-perfect architecture can be depressing.
A credenza is warranted for the speakers though…christ knows how long I’ve been fighting that battle with the Mr. as well. But broke down caramel leather is the shit.
I was so excited to take a work break and settle in for an episode of SOOL!
i saw this earlier today and thought of you- http://tinyurl.com/37rfozm.. i shall call her Delilah because she looks like she’s ready for seduction!
80′s roche bobois sectional! ack!
try that again.. http://houston.craigslist.org/fuo/1797806398.html
Can’t wait for the next episode….remember less is more….
drooling. dying. loving this. the alexis is pure gorgeousness. love it. don’t fight the floorplan. it’s bizarre but it has more character in one sq foot than boring track homes and normal set-ups. i love.
i think you’ve done a fantastic job!!! but i think raina should be answering the reconfiguration question. me? i’d sell sexy Alexis and save the cash for the new house.
Your house is great! I’d normally feel awkward handing out advice, but since you asked…I quite like the layout, and I can see that you don’t have a lot of other options in that regard, so let’s turn our attention toward the main players, shall we? Your current coffee table is the problem. He’s a wimp in terms of both style and visual weight. I think you need a wood burl/glass top coffee table or a live-edge slab. Seemingly ubiquitous, I know, but it’s a look that might repair the rift between Blake and Krystle nicely. As for Alexis…whoo. Send her to a dealer and try to forget about her. Gorgeous as she is, she’s too high maintenance.
I’m distracted by Alexis’ beauty. Can she not be restuffed for greater comfort…ahem, I mean, can’t she get a boob job?
What a riot! So Alexis is uncomfortable? What a shame, she sure is a beauty. But if she is, I say sell her and use the boat loads of cash towards something that works
Have you ever had your TV on the art wall? With Krystle across from the door and window? Not trying to make you move stuff again…. just wasn’t sure if TV had to be on that one wall.
Morning everyone! First, thanks for all the comments and ideas — they really really make my day.
So, yes, we need a new coffee table. This one is waiting in the wings:
http://design-crisis.com/?p=565
But it doesn’t really work with what we’ve got. If I’m honest, the glass coffee table is part of the reason I want a whole new set up… I’d love to have a burl table (Brick House just scored an AMAZING one), but we have a baby, so baby friendly stuff is a priority. Even if it’s not perfect for us, the table we have right now is perfect for our little dude.
Seating arrangements: Naomi, we have considered that configuration. It’s hard to tell from my pics, but it’s weird to walk in the front door and turn directly to the tv. Also, it feels strange to have the entire room facing away from the open kitchen space.
Regarding Alexis: sadly, she is uncomfortable. Actually, the pitch and scale are just right for wee me, but she is just not a plush, lounging couch. I’m starting to think that all vintage sofas are not so comfy. She is a stunner, though.
Thanks again for the comments — I love to read them. Keep ‘em coming.
Ugh, I feel like an ass for calling your table a wimp. As someone with five little kids underfoot, I understand the necessity of “safe” furniture. We did once throw caution to the wind though, and brought home a beautiful, looong live edge cherry slab coffee table, which our (then) 5-year old Emma immediately tried to stand on. That’s how we found out the base wasn’t firmly attached. To her credit, it does look a lot like a surfboard.
No worries, Tandy — I don’t mind at all.
Don’t feel bad Tandy, I tell her to replace the table all the time and I’m probably not nearly as nice as you. But the Ike does love to circle that surfboard on legs.
Erin, love the drama and all the plot twists!
More drama than Falcon Crest! I love that in a living room.
I’m rooting for Blake and Krystle to make it. They have their issues, but I really like them as a couple.
Wow.
You made it sound so much worse than it actually is. Drama queen!
The two sofas seem to be peacefully coexisting–if they are both, in fact, comfortable and your living arrangements may change in the near future, I say live with them and deal with some other matters.
Like…
*Sell Alexis. She is bringing you down. There is nothing worse than awesome furniture that no one wants to sit in. (See also: my dining room chairs, the reason we eat on the sofa.)
*Hide some technology. I fight this battle daily (as well as a side battle called “where is an acceptable place to hide all the crap that comes with Rock Band, because I did not realize that instead of a game for the Xbox, I was in fact buying something that would take up an arena’s worth of space”). Switching out the glass console for something more solid (read: camouflage) will also hide some of the wires. Take comfort in the fact that your ugly speakers are significantly smaller than my ugly speakers.
*Relocate the chairs and the art on the glass console wall. I am certain you have something larger and in charger for the wall and I presume the chairs can relocate.
*Lastly, say no to the C and B sofa unless it is what you truly desire. I know the CL slippery slope of acquisition–because it is there, because it is less than retail, because it needs a good home–and I (in a case of doing as I say, NOT AS I DO) urge you to just say no…again, unless it is your heart’s desire. CL and I are in a relationship right now that allows me to look but not touch. It hurts but I think it is for the best.
That last sentence was far too innuendo-y. Here’s something to cleanse your palate:
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/150305/
You absolutely should not buy another couch but oh man, do I love that white number. I want it. It would look so good in my house but I digress. I think it would also look amazing with Blake. What if you sell Alexis, move Krystal into the office and introduce white couch to Blake? I love, love Krystal and if it’s only the back that’s messed up, you could hide that by putting it in the office against the wall, right? I also agree that a credenza or something for the technology would help a lot. We have a built-in that I thank God everyday for. Cords drive me bonkers. And sorry if I missed this somewhere but have you tried the tv on that wall next to the window and doing an L-configuration with the couches? I know you said, no more rearranging but I just can’t help myself!
Rebecca, you are so right about the tv wall — it’s a hot mess. Everything about it makes me want to barf. So Ally, maybe you’re also right… we tried the tv on that wall long ago, but it seemed weird to walk into the house and see TV!!!! writ large on the focal wall.
What do you dudes think about tvs placed front and center? I was kinda trying to hide it on the not-so-focal wall.
Anyway, if we did that, an L shaped config would close things off from the kitchen, but we could do galley style — just rotate 90 degrees, except I’m not sure which couch would go where… we have a tiny window and I don’t want to block it.
If we leave things as they are, I have a black credenza behind the tan sofa that we could use on the tv wall, but I’m worried it might just out too much into the walkway…
Ugh. This house is crizazy.
And please, nobody else tempt me to buy the C&B sofa! It’s so purdy. And soft.
I have no better ideas than everyone else, but I just want to say your rug is amazing and I love it!
Email on its way, Babycakes…
Sorry I thought that door was the front door! If moving the tv next to the window means seeing it when you walk in the front door then by all means, leave it where it is. Another thought, have you tried creating a secondary seating area in front the fireplace? Just 2 chairs and maybe a little side table or something. I can’t tell if there’s enough room to pull the couches closer in to make room for that . . .
This post is hilarious! Love what you’ve done.
first and foremost, your house is ranchalicious. LOVE that room. I don’t know much, but I know what I like and it looks fabulous to me as is. I actually prefer to have the sofas like that to watch t.v. – that is how ours is, that way you can lay down with head at one end and you are facing the godbox. and you don’t want a white sofa with a toddler near, don’t get the craigslist one. unless it isn’t white.
your house is pretty darn cute, even with the door that opens up right into the room, and my advice (coming from a fellow CL junkie) is to not buy any more craiglist orphans, unless they come in a matching pair. if you need me to be your sponsor, i will. send me the CL link for any orphaned sofa, and i will talk you down.
on second thought, i withdraw that sponsorship offer- ’cause i’d really say “omg- that sofa is sooooo cute and sooooo cheap- you should totally buy it!”.
last, you need to tell your husband that people have divorced for less then those hideous speakers- does he want your child to grow up in a broken home as well as face a lifetime of alimony and child support over a freakin’ sound system? he’ll see the light, i’m sure…
great post….blake & krystale forever!
I don’t have a lot of ideas for your space, but one thing I agree with is the TV when you walk in the door. It’s one thing if a room seems arranged well while you are sitting in it, but I dislike a bad view when walking into the room, especially from outside. I have had issues like this in apartments where it just looks awkward when you walk in, a seemingly good arrangement from within, but looking at bad things like the back or side of a TV as soon as you walk in the door, ugly views you have to come all the way inside to be able to ignore and enjoy the layout of the space, too many windows and doorways and cold-air returns to manage the space in any other way.
I would sell uncomfortable bitchy Alexis. She looks nice but she is not being your friend! She doesn’t know how to treat you right and only thinks of herself. The rest of the room is in transition and I can understand being itchy not having everything in place and ideal looking, but you will get there one piece at a time, one solution at a time. Whenever you look at CL, you should look for things that will solve your current problems instead of taking in pretty strays. It’s hard to be that strict with yourself, but buying things with no place to go doesn’t make that TV area any prettier. It’s a short-term drug fix, you’re not curing the ailments of your home. Good luck!
i looooooooooove your room! Don’t replace the couches, they look so good together!
The arrangement looks great… aside from the TV. Get a mid century credenza and hide all components in there; you might have to drill holes in the back. btw- this was hilarious.
i just love all the drama…that’s all of my input on this situation. good luck, you have great suggestions and i actually think it looks good, but agree with the fact that technology should be hidden, a battle at my home as well. men just don’t know.
i love button down sofas. i really wish to buy a classic from Poltrona Frau in brown leather to have it in a home office. they’ve so much personality. great post here.
Such a fab pad, darling! Love everything about it.
What is it with men needing to see there stereo/electronic equipment? The boyfriend & I are going through the same debacle right now. I love his Xbox for being able to stream cheesy romance comedies from Netflix right into my eyeballs, but I don’t want to fucking look at the machine itself. Yet the idea of him having to get up & slide open a door to reach said equipment is to much for him to contemplate. Sigh.
Sidenote: Filed your livingroom photo in my ‘Inspiration File’ awhile back as it was posted on another site. Today is the first time I’ve ever come across your site & am delighted to see the room belongs to you. I’m relieved to know such a beautiful room comes from such a witty individual. Cheers! -Jordan
O love the white sofa, beautiful!
kiss