Here at Design Crisis we strive to bring you hard hitting, sensible design information — like where to buy a three headed sheep chair, letting you know that you need a super expensive gold plated baby buggy, and providing you with all the best tips for updating your spacepod in 2055. Well this week, between downing 200 brownies and watching Kid N Play deliver Oscar worthy performances in House Party 2 (The Pajama Jam!), I’ve really been too busy to suss out any practical decor tips for you guys. I know you don’t want to get in the way of my freakishly hip lifestyle, so I’ve obliged by doing pretty much nothing. Ok, I did watch one of my fave movies of all time:
That’s right, bitches! David Bowie as Jareth the goblin king in Labyrinth is here today, and he’s got something to show you.
Whoops! Not that — although if you’ve seen the movie, you can’t have helped but notice that those pants tights are mighty snug. This could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you feel about Bowie in drag.
That’s more like it! A very well heeled David Bowie would like you to step into his cozy castle. What’s that? Not feeling the warmth so much?
Neither is Jennifer Connelly. I mean, it’s really swell that DB threw this awesome ball to convince her to be his goblin queen, and he gave her a shiny stay puft dress to dance in, and they both have special hair with glitter and colors and lots and lots of hairspray, but does he really think it’s going to make up for this?
Look at this room! Perhaps magic spells are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails, but that doesn’t mean you want them in your house. It’s really no place to raise baby Toby, and I also think DB may be sitting in that ugly Eileen Grey chair, and nobody wants that.
What he needs is a makeover, and I think Nate Berkus — despite mad love from me and Oprah and legions of confused women who hope and pray that he may someday “go straight” — is really too polite for the task. David Bowie is the mothereffing goblin king, yo, and he needs something that says, Yes, I may be the goblin king, but I am also king of the house. He needs Kelly Wearstler. WWWD?
First, she would choose a couch big enough for DB to hang with his goblin homies, but also soft so he could cozy up with his lady. Oh, and a dark color with an easy wipe surface would help mask the bog of stench. The De Sede Endless sofa would do the trick.
Next up, this Paul Evans Cityscape coffee table would add shine to the darkness, plus the glass surface is perfect for snorting up some Ziggy Stardust. Oops, wrong Bowie… or maybe not. It’s ok, dude. Whatever happens in the castle, stays in the castle.
You know La Wearstler loves her some Gio Ponti, so this chandelier would reign supreme over the room. It says, I am soft, but hungry. Stay out of reach of my beautiful tentacles.
The playas are chosen, so time for some filler pieces: A big gold head (duh), a pair of Karl Springer Onassis chairs, a brass Arredoluce floor lamp, and a Milo Baughman burlwood, chrome and brass console table.
All that’s left is a stellar piece of art:
MC Escher is a bit too easy, but Malevich is perfectly hard enough to finish out the space.
And now, who’s got the power of the voodoo? Who do? You do!
Well, I think the Kelly Wearstlerfication of the goblin castle went swimmingly, and Jennifer Connelly would be just silly to turn down DB’s proposal. Next time I see those two crazy kids, I fully expect for them to be together, cozied up on the Endless Sofa with Toby.
I just love happy endings.
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Fantastic.
One of my favorite moments in Flight of the Chonchords is when Brett dreams he is talking to Labyrinth David Bowie.
Wouldn’t the goblins be too hard on the endless sofa? I think that’s why things were so sparse!
OOooooh, Labrynth does and Erin brain good! I love the happy ending you’ve dreamt up.
Well, if Connelly won’t be his queen, I would most definitely be the lady of that house.
There’s a DeSede Endless on eBay right now, but the bastards want way too much for it. The usual story.
Want. The. Console. It’s perfect for my new dining room table and chairs. Thank you, DC, so much for helping find the table and chairs, they are perfect. Never thought I’d buy furniture on craigslist and ebay but I love them.
hilarious! i love db…i dressed up as him last halloween and have a giant poster of his face on my fridge.
the only thing wrong with this post is that you’ve appointed wearstler to do the decor. You know I’m a wearstler fan, but clearly you’re the one cut out for the job. awesome awesome post!!!!
Stephanie, if I could have typed “I’m David Bowie” in Jemaine’s accent, I would have.
Alison, pictures are needed…
Connie, so glad you like the chairs! I was kinda nervous for you. Did you see how much 1st Dibs wants for that console table? I didn’t look, but I can guess it’s a small fortune.
No words. No words. Well, actually two words- Erin Rocks!
This is awesome.
sooo, what made you decide to get high this morning before work? hmmmm.. (line from my DVR’ed episode of a stupid show I watch called Better off Ted)
ITA with karly, no need for Wearstler to get involved in this production- you are obviously right for the job. She might gob the whole goblin lair up with a massive wall of plates or something.
Good to laugh after I have been sick in bed for two days.
Agreed, what’d you do and where can I get some?
Do what?
Remind me of the babe!
Oh how I love that film! I recently showed it to my 4 year old niece, but had to forward the ’scary bits’ – eh, kids are so soft these days!!
Does getting high off sleep deprivation count?
Glad you guys liked the post… I was a wee bit embarrassed by the fact that I madeover a makebelieve castle.
Susan, hope you feel better soon!
Here you go, Erin! http://lipstickonyourteeth.blogspot.com/2008/11/spooky-scary.html
oh my gaahhh, as if this weren’t one of my fave blogs already, the fact that David Bowie appears, much less is SPOTLIGHTED WITH HIS CODPIECE makes you #1! Winnnnn!
legend was always the poor man’s labyrinth. even though it came out first.
Alison, you make a hot Bowie!
Ainsley, that’s a codpiece??? I’m confused and saddened by this information.
Sherri, we are in total agreement.
I didn’t think Bowie could get anymore awesome but you proved me wrong!! glittertastic!
PS – I love your site!
Am I the only one who was left a little scarred for life by DB’s stripey pants in Labyrinth…..?
You’ve taken the design world to new heights.
I LOVE YOU!