Tomorrow we leave town on our annual Thanksgiving pilgrimage. Every year my enormous family congregates at our farm near Texarkana, and we all enjoy good food, good company, and lots of redneckified activities, like ridin’ four wheelers, burnin’ stuff, and shootin’ up a storm. I’m all about the four wheelers and any activities involving fire, but despite early indoctrination (I first shot a Glock at eight), I’m more than a little squeamish about guns. Because the only ass that’s getting a cap busted in it is probably mine.
Despite my misgivings, I really want to join in the fun. But I’m not even going to consider picking up a gun unless it looks like one of these:
(via Xirdalium)
Because, you see, everything does not look better in black. In fact, many things look good in pink and aqua with leopard on top, and there ain’t nothing that don’t look better in gold. No kind of thing.
Even though I was an eight year old badass with the hard black heart of an assassin, as a 32 year old wussy I may need to slowly ease my way back into the game. You know, get my feet wet. Try on some training wheels for size.
(via Glamguns)
Pretty pink Hello Kitty knows how to make a girl feel soft and feminine, but everyone knows that bitch can fight when backed into a corner. Watch out for the claws when they come out! Pft!
Who am I kidding? I may need to start out even… slower. Like, really slow. Like, more decorative, less lethal, slow.
(via A+R Store)
This paper AK-47 is probably a little more my speed. Pretty, but ineffectual. I’ll look really cool while holding it, but self inflicted injuries will be kept to a minimum. Now we rollin! Dog.
Honestly, I kind of prefer the more old school weaponry. A little more Wild Wild West, with saloons and spurs, and weapons that aren’t in the least automatic. Although the lack of modern medical technology is a definite minus for the accident prone. Wonder who that might be…
Awwwww yeah. Bet you thought I forgot this was a design blog! What have we here? Winchester shot glasses from Amazon, which are potentially lethal in a totally different way; A pistol shaped remote control seen at Design Boner that my dad would kill for; the uber slick “Smoking Gun” via This Next; and Jonathan Adler’s whimsical needlepoint pillow, adored by pistol packin’ grandmas everywhere.
Of course, my newfound frippery would look fabulous against this old-school-meets-young-stunna backdrop:
Designer Wallcovering carries Thug Stripe black and white gun wallpaper. Yes, please. And I have just the thing to cast a perfect, decoratively violent, glow upon it.
Rock and Royal (purveyors of the OG nefarious pirate ship chandelier) think that everything looks better under crystal, and they can glue, string, stitch, or wire it together in just about any configuration imaginable. I’m just not sure if I like the AK or the snub nosed pistol better:
Whereas the AK is sharp and pointy, the pistol is so soothing and unassuming. It says, “What, me? Dangerous? Never.” Kind of like that douchebag boy you dated in high school, and you remember how that turned out. Alrighty, AK it is!
Or maybe I don’t want any guns hanging over my head. They don’t exactly connote the same sense of imminent death that, say, a guillotine might. Still, there are only a few wires keeping that barrel off my neck. Perhaps I’d be better off with something gravity bound.
I blogged about this super fly gold table lamp by Philippe Starck a hundred million years ago, but time has done little to assuage my lust. I like that the business end is pointed up. I like gold. I like fetishize guns. Enough said.
But if I’m being realistic, I’d probably get the most use (and street cred) out of this little number:
(via Trendhunter)
Everyone respects a gun-shaped flask full of tequila. Especially during the holidays.
No related posts.
Is there a 10-day waiting period on that chandy? I knew it from the same co. as pirate ship chandy.
Do not like guns, but that Thug Stripe wallpaper was great.
P.S. Happy Turkey Day!
(I just got a comment that said I’m posting too quickly – slow down.) I hate getting spanked by a computer.
It’s made my day brighter just to know there is a website called GlamGuns. (And it’s not porn. Rad.)
In my family, there are not only guns, but more exotic killing tools like compound bows and crossbows. Boo yeah.
Erin! I want to come to your Thanksgiving! 4-wheelers and burning stuff sounds perfect!
Stephanie, you’re the next stop, I have to warm up before I’m ready for compound bows.
Have a great trip! Bring the Hello Kitty one!
I would give anything to see the looks on your family members’ faces if you showed up toting the Hello Kitty AK47!
Walk softly and carry Hello Kitty.
I need that pistol chandelier in my next powder room. No, seriously. My life’s purpose will be unanswered until that hangs in the pissoir.
P.S. Have a great time eating and shooting things!
Thanks everyone for all the wishes for a happy Turkey Day! Our family is huge spread out everywhere, but everyone always comes together for Thanksgiving because it’s loads of fun.
I’ll plan to bring my Hello Kitty AK, and of course I’ll need a coordinating outfit. Suggestions?
Stephanie, your family and may family need to get together. I think my dad used to have a crossbow, but I’m not sure what happened to it… I will investigate and report back.
Raina, glad to give your life new purpose. I feel like I’ve accomplished something today!
Just out of curiosity, I cruised over to Rock and Royal, home of the pistol chandelier. Here’s what they had to say for themselves:
Rock and Royal was launched on the 1st of September, at the Millionaire Fair in Cannes, France. Though they are based in Rotterdam, The Netherlands, our employees travel around the world to attend to our clients’ needs…You too can enjoy a great custom-made chandelier or mosaic in your own environment! We would be pleased to exchange ideas and tell you more about all the possibilities.
—–
Yes, I too can have a custom-made chandelier! I can’t believe I missed their booth at the millionaire fair!!
Dude, forget buying a chandelier, that is the job we need!!!
All we have to do is make, uh, something, then show it at the Millionaire Fair in Cannes, and presto! We’ll be jet setting rock stars with cash to burn.
Right?!
Damn – so many cool looking guns! Which one to use first? I think I’ll settle on the cool wallpaper instead.
I bet that soiree in France will be the “Thousand-aire Fair” next year.
Raina, you crack me up!!!
oh this is such a good post!
I’m holding out for hundred-aire fair 2012!
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