Sorry for the day late / 12 dollars short Top Design write up, like I said, Erin and I had art to look at.  But I was sooooo excited to get up yesterday morning to flip on my DVR to watch la TopD and write you all a review A-sap. Like most of you, I LOVE me some project runway, no matter how bad a season or how contrived a designer (I’m talking to you, Suede, current season) I will eat it up with a cliched spoon.  The best season BY FAR was season 2, hands down, no diggety, no doubt.  So when I saw that not one, not two but THREE of my season 2 PR alums were going to be rocking their bossy socks off on schlop design, my heart skipped several beats.  I’m revived and typing now.

Woe is me.  First of, there was not nearly enough SANTINO.  Like SANTINO, I would have liked the show to have been completely about him and for his room to look like this:

well, maybe with a better picture, but you get the point.  That man is one self absorbed mess, you need to feed that people, feed it.  Instead Eddie and the non-de-script entity he was paired with gave him this:

ironically, the only room without a mirror.  And why is the mannequin RIGHT in front of the door frame, you couldn’t even see her if you stood in front of the window.

I spent the last week on my vary hands and knees begging for a big PR reunion orgy / bitch-fest, apparently I must have spit in some orphan’s soup because I pissed off the big guy so much that instead, I got a lesson in how not to use mirrors in a window display, over, and over, and over again.

let’s, ahem, reflect:

Lesson 1.  Do not use mirrors to explain how much Pakistan is in the news or why Andre finally got a chance to be on TV again and only bothered to bring his D game.  I think this dress is a perfect parable for how sad it is to loose your favorite denim outfit

Lesson 2:  Staggered mirrors does not a David Hockney painting make.

Let’s digress a moment:  First, Jeffrey noted that his line was inspired by Blade Runner, which I think is a little passe at this point.  Wasn’t blade Runner sort of the fashion inspiration rage like 5 years ago? I guess he was taping Project Runway then and missed the bus (which is quite different from being thrown UNDER the bus, a common reality show phenom).  BUT even worse, Wisit and Kelly had NO idea what blade runner was.  Blasphamy!  Had they known, they could have made their window look EXACTLY LIKE THIS:

But I’m still not sure if his royal highness Jeffrey would have gotten it, as he *specifically* asked for “clean lines and minimalism, you know, like in Blade Runner”  Ahem, Mr. Sabella:

Jeffrey, meet blade runner, blade runner, meet jeffrey.  That shit ain’t clean or minimal, yo.

Oh my how I’ve strayed, back to mirrors:

Lesson 3:  If you get in your time machine, travel back to 1998 and hold up a school bus of pre-teen girls then combine your stolen bounty with some awkwardly placed mirrors and a framed piece of wallpaper, congratulations, you have the top design. The win goes to Ondine and Natalie, care of sweet pea’s kinda boring design.  But oh, I DO STILL LOVE YOU SWEET PEA.  Promise.

And finally, we have the last, and best, but kinda boring room:

Ok, can we talk about the fact that this room was based on A POEM.  Ahhhhhh!!!  Daniel you are so blissed out I want to pee my pants.  My ears vomited when you read that nonsense about golden sand and black branches and your mother’s biscuits.  How is it that you 1.  Had the best dress by far and 2. The best window?  You are living in a fog created by your own imagined glowing aura.  I guess you didn’t spit in any orphan’s soup this week.

Usually, on design shows, I like to think about what I would do if I were given $2 and a box of macaroni (thanks Eddie for the only funny moment) and, of course, like any self indulgent and deluded designer, I’m sure my idea is superior to any being shown on screen.  This week, however, I knew that there was no way on God’s green earth that I could possibly top the best window display of our time:

Congratulations, Viktor & Rolf, you have the top design.

Final Thoughts:

1.  Episode 3 Mrs. Schroder count = zero.  Great job, um, blondie.

2.  Is argyle a shade of green?  Nathan held up his GREEN color card and said “I have argyle”  did I miss something at the color summet?

3.  Nathan, Wisit, Eddie & Shazia all say they are 30.  Discuss

4.  Kelly wore this:

5.  Jeffery gawked at Wisit’s idea of graffitti and rococo, proclaiming how low end it was. Jefferey, please follow this link:  You’re a dumbass

6. Wisit really would not drop the Rococo thing, it was kinda sad and funny

7. The phrase “threw me under the bus” should be given the You Can’t Do That On Television treatment

8. I’m sorry I don’t have a picture of this, but did anyone notice that Preston’s grass green tie matched Andrea’s green dress at elimination?  That was easily the cutest moment of the show.  Good job, kids.

Related posts:

1. Junk in the Bunk: A Top Design Story
2. Yes He Can: A Top Design Story
3. Top Design Virgin
4. YOU’RE a Tranny Ding Dong: A Top Design Story
5. slop design