If you ask a decorator where to hang your tv, they will probably say nowhere. A tv is like an indoor ceiling fan — an ugly necessity. Now I’m sure there are many among you who a) do not watch tv and can therefore ignore this problem and b) do not live in Texas and can therefore laugh at us poor suckers who would surely melt into flesh puddles without our fans. You guys pat yourselves on the collective back and go find something else to do. Maybe paint something?

I’m not even going to touch the fan problem, for which there is no elegant solution. But I am going to post a few ideas that may help you tackle the tv conundrum. Buckle up, friends — this may be the longest post you read all day. Perhaps even all year. But this is an important topic, right? Ok, maybe not peace on earth important.

Gilles Mendel

First of all, the old rules say, “No tv over the fireplace.” Speaking as someone who had a tv over the fireplace for a year or two, I think I can tell you why: it’s too high. Optimum viewing height is at seated eye level. However, these days you can buy a swivel mount to tilt that puppy down for easier viewing.

Vicente Wolf

And then there is the actual fire issue. We didn’t light up the fireplace the entire time the tv was mounted on it for fear of melting all that high dollar plastic into nickels and dimes. However — in the interest of full disclosure — we haven’t used our fireplace since we moved it, either. Have I mentioned it’s hot in Texas?

House Beautiful

See, this tv is way too high, but it does look nicely integrated into the design, what with the restrained palette and gallery wall. It is obviously the focal point of the room, but it shares and plays well with others.

How about that snakeskin surround? I have a feeling this fireplace is never used, so heat is a non issue. Also, every tv looks smarter when playing Fellini.

I think the bottom line regarding tvs over the fireplace is that it can be done, and well. But it’s not as easy as just plunking your tv onto the mantel. The fireplace is often the heart of the room, so room design has to accommodate the tv’s design, also. And most importantly, don’t arrange all of your furniture to face the tv unless you want your living space to look like a stadium.

House to Home

How about just next to the fireplace? I know a number of people have chosen this option and generally the lack of symmetry bugs me — but then I love symmetry.

Steven Volpe

But this is perfection. Boom. This room is so well balanced (asymmetrically). I appreciate that not every single piece of seating is turned to the tv, and the tension pole is such a simple, elegant solution that keeps the tv off the wall, thereby enhancing its 3D object quality. It’s so much better than this:

Ralph Lauren’s apartment

This looks like a high school AV cart. It’s so very wrong.

Lonny

Built in solutions can be very attractive, from traditional and sophisticated to ultra mod.

OWI

Instead of hiding the tv away in an armoire (which I say should be avoided, because you aren’t fooling anybody with that giant, hulking piece of furniture), a built in solution makes the tv an integral part of the room. The problem I see with this is that it’s an expensive custom solution. Also, what if you decide to get a bigger tv? At least the Lonny image above leaves space for that possibility.

Lonny

For us regular folk who can’t afford built ins and choose to flat mount our tvs to the wall, the gallery wall can be an interesting possibility. I like that the paint color blends in with the black border of the tv, diminishing its visual footprint.

Brick House Tumblr

White walls + white tv + white art = a barely visible tv.

Sidenote: most tvs are black because black borders enhance the perception of contrast. Obviously they can be purchased in other finishes to blend into surroundings as in the above image, but you can expect to pay a premium for a fancy finish.

I suppose the most popular choice for a tv is over a credenza, which hides the cables and cords of modernity. Alex approves.

Laura Day

And of course it helps if you can position your tv over the most glorious credenza known to humankind, and then pause the tv to a color which matches your art perfectly. Again, I think the fact that not every piece of seating is turned toward the tv helps it to recede immensely.

Magnus Marding

But you can take that last piece of advice to the extreme.

For pretty much ever tvs have been the scourge of decorating. They have a restricted shape and palette, and formally speaking they often clash with furnishings. While I agree that it’s best to avoid making tv the absolute focal point of a living space, that doesn’t mean we have to hide our loves away. Unless you are a Mennonite or like to watch stupid reality tv on your iphone, you probably have a tv and it’s got to go somewhere.

Marie Claire

Best learn to live with it gracefully.

My new virtual bud and soon to be Austinite Rosie just sent me an email brimming with urgency, and when I saw the item in question my head almost exploded. Check it:

“Looking for some sound advice: I bought the attached chrome/mirrored sideboard on Ebay, and was chagrined to find that the seller left out some condition details: there’s a light coating of hardened schmutz in various spots on the doors (Actually somewhat visible in the pic). I tried to scrape it off (bad idea) and am considering Goof-off, but am nervous about using it. Any other ideas?”

First of all, ZOMG! Did you really just buy that? Because I feel like it should belong to me…

It sure looks a lot like the mirrored credenza in one of my favorite rooms of all time, designed by Laura Day. I also feel like I have seen this beaut in another prominently featured interior, but I can’t remember where… if you know what I’m prattling on about, send me a link and I’ll post the pic. You will also receive my eternal gratitude for rescuing me from an Alzheimersish haze.

Ok, back to the matter at hand.

So I am having issues focusing on Rosie’s request for help because I can’t see through my angry tears of envy, but I’m going to try my best. First of all, do not scrape! The surface is fragile and can be scratched. Rosie says that the goo is mostly on the chrome parts, so she might have luck buffing it out with a balled up piece of foil, but I’m not an expert.

I know several of you out there have knowledge in this area, so if you know how to return this gorgeous hunk of bling to its pristine glory, let us know.

Meanwhile, I am going to try to figure out how to steal something for which there is no known location…

Rosie, maybe you better not move to Austin, after all.

I’m a Gemini.  I’m not so sure I completely believe in all the astrological brew-ha-ha, but I do think there’s something to be said for a belief system that resides in the international social subconscious.  Be it the moon’s pull or a self-fulfilling prophecy, my Gemini-ness is most evident in my split personalities.  I’m not crazypants, but I do have two equal and opposite forces fighting tooth and nail with in me at all times:  I have expensive taste but I am cheap frugal.

Luckily, I have cultivated other characteristics to assist in marginalizing the internal struggle:  I’m a superstar at haggling and I’m not so bad at fixing things up.  Here are 3 projects I’ve worked on in the last couple of weeks that have satisfied each twin that lives inside this little gemini:

I found this lucite gem at the City Wide Garage Sale last weekend.  Normally I go when the best deals are to be had:  just before close on Sunday.  This time, I tried something different:  I went when the doors opened on Saturday and the, ahem, planets aligned and the gods presented me with this vintage lucite barrel chair.

The price was $130, which is approximately 13 times more than I like to spend on a chair, but my frugal side also knows a good deal when it sees one (similar chairs are going for $800 – $900 online).  I talked them down (of course) to $100 and hauled ass out of the convention center.

Now, don’t be fooled by the quasi-good lighting.  That fabric is one thousand percent polyester and had enough dirt to fill a shallow grave.   I ripped it off post-haste.

After taking off the offending upholstery, I realized why the seat was so uncomfortable:  most of the rubber supports were rotten and torn to shreds.  I cut new ones and Matt stapled them on for me.  Look, I’m crafty, I can make things, but few people on this earth are strong enough to work the devil’s hand-tool that is Matt’s staple gun.  One half-clutch of the handle is enough to give you a life-long battle with carpal tunnel syndrome

Once the internal repairs were complete it was time to spiff up the seat.  I chose to cover the seat with fabric cut from a vintage silk scarf that I had purchased at a City Wide Garage Sale several months ago for two whole dollars.

I then covered the scarf with clear vinyl.  I chose to use the vinyl for several reasons: 1.  Putting plastic on furniture is hilarious.  2.  I wanted to protect the scarf and 3.  I wanted to give the seat the same wow-pizzazz as it’s lucite shell.  In person, it looks lovely together.

Because I didn’t have enough fabric from scarf #1 to line the outer edge of the seat, I used fabric from a second scarf also purchased from the garage sale several months ago for $.99.  See, Erin, I do have a use for all the fabric I hoard.

Moving on to project #2

I bought this sad little excuse for a chair at a yard sale for $2 a year or so ago.  When I brought it home I could see Matt’s little mind adding up the plausibility of filing for divorce.  I promised him glory and grandeur then the chair sat for months.   Now that my office is almost done (pictures coming soon, promise) I finally had a need for it at my sewing station.

I painted it with high-gloss black spray paint, then recovered the seat with this awesome black and white Native American graphic print fabric I purchased when I lived in Albuquerque a gazillion years ago.  I’m almost positive that I got it off the $1/yard table.  I bought every last inch and have used it for several projects over the years, this is the first time it’s appeared on an item for my home, though.

And finally, project #3

I bought this lame lion head print from the thrift store for $7.99.  It felt a bit steep for all that mucky beige art, but I had a plan and figured that, even if I failed, at least the frame was worth 3 times the price.

I used a straightedge to draw laser-light-show lines across the background, then taped off each area separately and painted as needed.  It should be noted that I originally planned to cut out the lion head and put him on a new background, but the print is mounted on thick cardboard and I wasn’t sure I could cut it out cleanly.  The result?

This little lion was relocated from depressingville to crazytown.  I think he likes it better there.  Oh, I painted the frame black, too.

All of these projects are living in my office now.  Here are all the before and afters together.  Are you starting to get a sense of the color scheme?

Several months ago I saw the most insane headboard somewhere on the world wide web.  This evening my ego as a savvy internet searcher has taken a major blow, because, alas, I CAN NOT FIND THE DAMN PICTURE  TO SAVE MY LIFE.  But trust me when I tell you that it was phenomenal:  a big ole tacky tapestry depicting the Last Supper had been repurposed as a king-sized headboard.  While I didn’t have a picture of the beast, it’s image shined bright as the inspiration for the, ahem, How-To that I will show you kids today.

Look!  Our fist How-To!  How sweet.  Since I don’t have the original photo, here’s a nice opening shot with another tapestry behind a bed (unfortunately, not as a headboard)

If you would like to have a tapestry behind your bed, but you want to crank it up a few notches, I suggest you follow these instructions: 

1. Scour the local thrift stores for a tapestry large and ferocious enough to do the trick (make sure it’s at least a couple inches wider than the bed).  

I found some great tapestries on ebay here, here and here

Because I’m cheap and I love a bargain, I will brag that I got this 66″ wide tapestry for only $19.  I’m better at finding deals than I am at taking pictures, so I apologize for the craptastic photos.

2.  Get yourself some plywood.  You’ll want it to be the same width as the bed and about 8 inches shorter than your tapestry. Make sure it is thick enough to stay flat against the wall, but don’t bother blowing your family’s savings.  This $9 board did just fine

BONUS:  Have the dudes at the hardware store cut it to size for ya, it’s free and saves you loads of time.

3.  Here’s where the savings start rolling in:  Buy a small roll of carpet padding.  Every other site on the planet will tell you to use foam from the craft store but not here at Design Crisis, ut-uh, no way.  Were all about saving the Benjamins and this little pointer will cut your crafting costs by at least 75%.  Be sure there is enough square footage on the roll to cover your board twice.  

4.  Cut out 2 pieces of carpet foam the exact same size as your headboard.  If your roll won’t make 2 exact pieces, you can use remnants from the first cut to cover the board a second time.

5.    Get yourself some spray adhesive.  WARNING:  Do not buy your adhesive at the craft store, it literally costs 4 times as much as the spray adhesive at the hardware store and isn’t as strong.   

6.  Spray a 1 foot wide section of the wood, starting at the edge, fold your foam over and smooth it on to the board.  Work your way across the wood in 1 foot wide sections.  

7. Repeat for the second layer, spraying your adhesive onto the first layer of foam in 1 foot wide sections

8.  Have a sip of whatever cocktail you are enjoying

9.  I think I missed a photo or two during my craft session, but I think you can see what’s happening here:  lay your tapestry face-down on the floor with the board face-down on top.  BE SURE TO CENTER IT

10.  Fold each edge over and staple one time on the center of each side, pull the fabric a bit as you go to make sure it’s taught.

11.  Have a stapler party and finish stapling all the sides, working your way from the center out

12.  Be sure to fold your corners real pretty like.

13.  Find a boy to put some triangle hanger thingies on the back – 2 will work (make sure the screws are no longer than the thickness of your wood)

- sorry about asking for a boy to do it, I can weld, change the tires of my car and clean up cat vomit, but I don’t use wood working tools - 

14. Hang, finish your cocktail, and enjoy

15. Continue enjoying while figuring out what to do with the rest of the room

This little project took about an hour and cost roughly $60.  Not too shabby.  Here are some other tapestry headboards for your viewing pleasure:

both images via vintage and chic

And I’d like to thank our friend, Andrea, for a heads up to these quaint little tapestry pieces:

Frederique Morre creates custom-covered home goods using recycled tapestries. What do you think, should I have 12 of those sofas in the room with my headboard?  Too much?

And finally, one last tapestry-over-something shot:

Suzy Hoodless

If I remember correctly, one of the DC New Year’s resolutions was to start posting how-tos, I can’t believe we actually did it but look, now you think we’re good and honest girls.  With pretty headboards.