I have emerged from the shadowy depths of baby hibernation a butterfly transformed by your kind comments. Thank you for reading all about my room tour last week, and double triple googleplex thank you for letting me know you’d like to see more of them. I’m working up a tour of the nursery for next week, so please do tune in for that there goodness.

Today is not so much goodness. Both kids have/had crazy high fevers and I’ve gotten 4-5 hours of broken sleep every night for a week. Right about now I’d like to punch winter in the face. Since winter is an intangible being with no face to punch, let’s talk kitchens for a minute or two.

You knew it would come to this, right?

So, Ben and I tried to strip a door in the hopes we might turn our dated glossy honey oak cabinets into something with this vibe:

And the door laughed in our faces. I’m guessing the finish applied to our cabinets is some kind of super space age polymerized diamond hard coating designed to resist grease and terrorists, because it is NOT COMING OFF. At least not like it does on tv, when you apply the stripping compound and 72 layers of paint slough off in one fell swoop, revealing clean and sparkly wooden goodness beneath.

First we tried denatured alcohol, then we tried lacquer thinner. Then we glopped on the citristrip and left it on for 30 minutes. Then we glopped on more citristrip and left it on overnight. Then in desperation we tried acetone. Basically, we dumped every chemical we could find on that door and only a fraction of the finish was removed.

And so, paint it is.

I’m pretty sad and keep mooning over this kind of stuff:

But maybe for the next house.

I did consider trying to copy this look by refacing our cabinets, but I think it’s just not financially feasible. We may as well gut the kitchen and rebuild at that point.

Sadly, we are not rich. We’re real people on a stupid real budget that makes me real mad. But at least we have a house and food and cars, so it’s time to get over it and move on. Maybe to this?

But with light uppers, yes?

I’m still pricing out replacing our doors with paint grade shaker style doors. What we spend on new doors miiiigggght save us a few bucks in paint labor. Maybe. I’m not sure if it’s going to be worth it or not.

While my kitchen plans continue to incubate, go check out the power of paint over at Styled Thing:

Not too shabby, Miss Julie.

See you dudes next week for the next tour.

[pinterest]

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, the most stupidly expensive overhyped day of the year. Well just between you and me, I don’t need roses or fancy chocolates or build-a-bears in pink tutus to get me all hot and bothered. I need wood. Big strong wood. And I’m not talking cherry cabinets and glossy glazed finishes, here. I’m talking ’bout this:

Shut your mouth!

Or actually, please don’t. Because we need to discuss the viagrability of kitchen wood.

Everything about this kitchen says elegant, thoughtful, and practical. Probably those aren’t the precise words that come to mind when you want to get the sex on, but maybe “tactile” moves us closer to that end. These kitchens just seem like they would feel good.

To cook in.

I’m kind of obsessed. I like wood with white counters, I like wood with black counters. I even like wood with wood counters. I would like wood in my kitchen.

But I’m more than a little afraid it cannot be. I investigated the gel stain some of you suggested and it appears to kind of sit on the surface of wood, sort of like transparent paint. I don’t know how I feel about that. Maybe I’m totally delusional about the quality/style of my cabinets, but what I reallllly want is a bare, matte finish — something that looks more like old wood and less like plastic impregnated woodishness.

This is super gorge. Someday our floors might even look like this. Of course those cabinets are repurposed from an Edwardian era storefront so it’s not like this can ever happen in our kitchen. Except maybe the hardware.

Sorry about the dumb picture, but I think this cabinet situation is about the best we could hope for.

What I need to know is, should I even go down this road? Is it worth it? Is gel stain the only viable option or should I actually take on the possibly sissyphean strip/stain/wax triumvirate?

I love the idea of durable, touchable, delicious wood, but am I headed for heartbreak? Is this going to triple our work load only to look crappy with our dumb cabinets?

Ermahgerd.

No cheesy iphone filter can disguise that horror, so I didn’t even bother. They really are that orange.

Would I just be better off stealing Bailey McCarthy‘s kitchen?

And the rest of her house while I’m at it?

Help me out, people. Lower cabinet finish/color is the last decision to make before we tear this mother down.

I promise no more kitchen posts until we actually do stuff.

Also I am hoping to put up some house tour action next week.

Please don’t leave me in my time of need.

[pinterest kitchens]

Hi friends, thanks for all the fab tv suggestions to get me through the plague that has decimated our house… Luther? Yes. Sherlock? Up next. Also, have you watched the first episode of The Americans yet? It’s all perestroika and high waist jeans with an awesome 80s soundtrack. Can’t miss.

So notice my title suggests that the kitchen PLANS have progressed… alas, the actual kitchen is as barfy as ever. We’ve yet to take a sledgehammer to anything, but we’re getting closer. I’ve all but convinced Ben to knock the soffit completely out and see what happens, largely thanks to your comments. It helps to show that I’m not completely nuts when I embark on these grand projects. Also, I have started speaking about the soffit demo as if it were fait accompli, e.g., “after we knock the soffit out…” I think the power of suggestion is working.

So the next step is to figure out what to do with the cabinets once the ceiling is (hopefully) raised. The lovely Naomi at Design Manifest sent over this picture a few weeks ago:

Raise existing cabinets and add shelf below to fill in the space. Brazilliant. But then, Miss Naomi is a professional kitchen designer so she is smart like that.

You know who else is smart like that? Lisa, who commented on my white kitchen post. Behold her horrifying before picture:

And her glorious after:

Let’s discuss how much shuffling those uppers around opened up this kitchen. A whole big lot, that’s how much.

Here’s another reader redo from Justine, who transformed the most hideous ranch oak cabinets into this oasis of soffitless delight, replete with new Ikea cabinet fronts. Oh how I wish! One thing I’m eyeing is the space over the pantry where the soffit used to be. I had planned on building the cases up to the ceiling and ordering new doors, but maybe I don’t have to?

Let’s review the situation:

Oy. My eyes!

Ok, now for the plans:

1. Remove soffit and drywall in beam. Maybe add simple molding.

2. Raise upper cabinets and add shelves below. New glass doors for the uppers. Like this:

What the hell, just give me the entire kitchen.

3. Decide what to do with the floor to ceiling cabinets… build cases up and add new doors? Or maybe something like this?

But I think this is way more than the 12″ soffit removal will give me. This part is confusing … not sure what to do yet.

4. Paint.

And this is where things get really nutty. I’m pretty set on white/cream uppers, but the lowers… well. First of all, I believe the floor to ceiling cabinets should be the same colors as the lowers, right?

Except what about the free standing pantry/fridge cabinet? White, or lower color?

As for the paint scheme, I know I could pull off something like this — even with my bung counters:

This is kinda what our floors look like now.

And this is the color our floors will be someday.

Here’s the two tone white/gray look again…

And yet again… The Inspired Room did a real super good reno that pretty much matches exactly what I had originally planned.

Now, I know this is going to make me sound like an asshole, but the fact that this look has been done (and done beautifully), makes me not want to do it anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, this is still my awesome backup plan.

But now I am hatching a new crazy plan…

Namely, I am considering replacing the wood lowers with… wood lowers. Wait — not even replacing, because we’re keeping the old cabinets. The old SOLID WOOD cabinets.

But what if we stripped them, and stained them darker to tame the grain, and then we waxed or oil finished so they wouldn’t be 80s lacquer perestroika shiny, and then we added some awesome brass hardware?

What if?

I know you probably think I’m crazy, and maybe I am. But just wait until I unleash a torrent of super dope wood kitchens on you. A tiny taste:

Now, how hard will this be to execute???

Remember that I’m sick. Please be gentle.

I desperately want to tell you about all the exciting! plans! I’ve cooked up thanks to your comments for our kitchen facelift, but I’m just way too sick. We’re on week a million of the bubonic plague and I kind of want to shoot Little Orphan Annie in the head for even suggesting that the sun might come out tomorrow… I really don’t want to get my hopes up. Because most likely we’re in for another month of snot and misery and it’s best to look a bleak future square in its runny face and get on with it.

Honestly the entire situation wouldn’t be so bad if only I had some good tv to watch. I feel like I’ve seen EVERYTHING. Suggestions?

Anyway, sorry for dumping pink eye all over your day. Here are some toe curling good kitchens that have interesting, daring design elements. Hopefully they will be enough to get me off your naughty list.

Next up: wood kitchens. Who’s with me?

[pinterest]

Kitchen renovations have entered a mystical — dare I say Seussian — territory. I was pretty pumped by the surfeit of AMAZING comments on my last post, and fueled by renodrenaline I tracked down link after glorious link. Man, some of you are pretty freaking talented. And all of you have fantastic taste. I loved so many of the cabinet combos and layout suggestions you offered, and I promise we shall discuss them ad nauseum very soon.

But first, we must deal with this:

Oh yes. It’s true. There are two 2×12 load bearing beams stapled together in that god forsaken soffit. Hell, let’s call it what it is: a tray ceiling. The entire thing save a wee punch out in the center is dropped down to seven feet. As far as we can tell, the beam is the only thing that stands between us and gloriously smooth eight foot ceilings that rival an angel baby’s bottom. But there it is, and it can’t be moved.

Ben and I are going round and round about this… I don’t want to address the cabinets and not bust out the soffit, because I want to raise the uppers and build the floor to ceiling cases up to the (hopefully) new eight foot ceiling. But he keeps pointing out the expense, the mess, and the MF BEAM, and contends it’s not worth removing the soffit.

The whole thing is stressing me out and making me wonder if Stage One should be the floors instead.

It’s come to Jesus time, people. Am I crazy? Should we leave the dropped ceiling in there? Is it worth a thousand dollars, a mess, and possibly more drama (pipes? other beams?) to raise the ceiling when the beam will still be there?

I keep bringing up our old house to make the point that our dining room would have been horrifying with seven foot ceilings. And that maybe we could turn the beam into some kind of architectural detail? (Aside: I am seriously missing our old house right now. Too bad it was in hobo town.)

We don’t have room on the sides next to the cabinets to build out anything too boxy, but I was thinking maybe some glossy trim that tied into the upper creamy cabinet color might work? Yes, I see that there is still some kind of soffit in that room… Ben would be perfectly happy to move the soffit back to the cabinet line.

But I really want the whole thing gone. Perhaps a minimal wood facade would tie into our future light oak floors?

Love this, don’t think we have the room.

Not the best picture, but it looks like this kitchen has a beam on top of drywall maybe?

Or maybe we should just do drywall, perhaps with some arch at the corner, and trim the ceiling with thin molding? Would that look weird on the dinette side of the room, where there’s no cabinets or crown molding?

Oh, and there’s a soffit on that side of the room that hides the roof edge. Awesome!

(ps: the pink is getting axed asap. pregnant women should never choose paint colors. also we are getting a new dining set.)

We could always straight up drywall the beam in and paint it ceiling white.

Or maybe we should build a box out on the dinette side of the room to house some electrical, then hang lights from it?

Ok, HELP. Please.

The beam is literally blocking the path to renovation.

Should we knock out the entire soffit, or do we keep a dropped ceiling that is ugly but perfectly drywalled and functional?

Or maybe we just push the soffit back to the cabinet line?

If we knock it all out, how do we finish the beam? The devil is in the details, y’all.

Thanks. I love you forever and I promise to come back to cabinet colors soon.

[pinterest]

We’re finally embarking on a kitchen redo! I talked Ben into doing it all… but in stages. Stage One will address the ceiling and cabinets. Stage Two will demolish the fugly floors and replace them with natural oak. Stage Three involves jackhammering out the counters and backsplash and sacrificing them to the Milquetoast Beige Overlord. Then I’m thinking white quartz counters and simple carrara backsplash.

In the interest of moving Stage One of our kitchen renovation forward, we priced out midgrade Ikea cabinets and they came in at over 5K. I have to admit I was a little surprised since we did our last kitchen in the most expensive Ikea cabs for less. Luckily the current cabinets are more functional and of better quality than the last setup, so we’re going to work with what we have.

Where was I? Anyway, this whole time I have been planning something dramatic in terms of color for the kitchen… something not all white. Partly this is because my floors are revoltingly beige (for now), but also because I think painted white cabinets often scream HEY I PAINTED MY UGLY DATED OAK CABINETS.

Yes, I am an asshole. But I had to sacrifice this person for the greater good.

There are several things wrong here, but most glaringly the white is too white and the bright uniformity of color calls attention to the crappiness of the cabinetry.

I vow to avoid that mistake.

Low contrast two tone.

High contrast two tone. Both good, just different.

I’m resurrecting the two tone plan for our cabinets. I do love a white kitchen, but I think painting a darker hue on the lowers will break up the sea of cabinets, while painting the uppers light (but not blindingly so) will help to open the back wall and let it recede somewhat.

I mean, if you have fantastic cabinetry and glorious kitchen architecture that you want to highlight, then by all means paint it white.

Yes.

Yes.

Definitely yes.

No.

And my kitchen is only slightly better than the one above. Let’s review:

Yikes. And guess what? It looks worse in real life.

I was really hoping a two tone look would break up the oak acreage… but now that it’s time to choose a color I’m second guessing myself.

We plan to live here for a decade, probably. When it comes time to sell, will I wish I had just painted everything white? Will I be sad that I chose some shade of gray for the lowers, because gray is sooooooooo 2010?

All of the pro color blogs are drilling the WHITE WHITE WHITE kitchen mantra into my brain.

But I just don’t see all white kitchen cabinets looking good in here unless I rip everything else out and go mega snazzy on the backsplash to help distract from the cabinets, like this:

And that won’t look dated at all in 10 years.

So what do you think?

Are white cabinets the only way to go?

Will the two tone look date quickly?

What about gray?

Tired, poor, inquiring  minds need to know.

[images via pinterest]

Yes, I am still alive. I know it may seem like I fell off the face of earth, but that’s only because you don’t follow me on pinterest. Ahhhh, pinterest. Is there any place easier to access with my left hand whilst the right shoves a boob in the baby‘s mouth at 5 am? Nay, I say there is not. And what pinterest is bringing me these days is tile envy. Major major tile envy.

Tile in the kitchen…

Tile in the bathroom…

[Design Manifest]

Tile, tile, tile.

I could go on, but I’m getting sad. Just before Christmas I helped the in laws redo their guest bathroom, and seeing all that fresh new marble go in reminded me that our bathrooms look like this:

I feel that I should defend the cleanliness of our grout — it really is cleaner than it looks in the picture! I promise! Maybe it’s wet or something??? — but seriously, what’s the point? That is 10 pounds of shit packed into a five pound bag. Completely indefensible.

I would kill for those $1 black and white checkerboard tiles (set in a diamond pattern, please), and even the cheapo white square ceramic tiles behind the tub. I don’t need fancy — I need NEUTRAL. For heaven’s sake, who thought greenish khaki (basically bile colored) tiles were flattering in a bathroom?

Oh, and let’s not forget the kitchen.

What. The. What.

So this is how things break down: since we moved in I have either been sick and pregnant, on bedrest, or the caretaker of a newborn and a sassy three year old (they’re still here — just older). I did my best to transform the things I could with paint, curtains, fabric, etc., but there is some fundamental horribleness lurking in this house that must be demolished. The tile must die. The cabinets must be painted. A bowling ball might accidentally be dropped on the granite counters.

I need to win the lottery.

And/or maybe learn how to set tile.

In the meantime, I’m going to return periodically to take you on a tour of the cute rooms I have “finished,” and probably you will be so wowed by my magnificent decorating and photography skills that you will hire me to help you do one of those things.

Won’t someone think of the tile? For only the price of a cup of coffee a day it could be saved.

As long as that cup of coffee is a grande starbucks somethingccino with 24k gold sprinkles on top, but who’s counting.

It’s good to be back.

Happy New Year!

As I awoke to the sweet strains of Old McDonald and BINGO!, I realized with a start that today is the first day of Ike’s summer vacation. Moms everywhere know what this means — basically that time for showers, house cleaning, and blogging is suddenly diminished to the point of non existence. Le sigh. So while you may not see me more than a few times a week while Ike is running rampant through the house, smearing jelly on anything that will stand still, be not afraid (at least that’s what I’m telling myself). I’ll still be around.

I also want to say a big huge sloppy THANK YOU for all your kind and generous comments last week. It’s amazingly comforting to hear from people I both know and don’t know — many of whom have been there, done that, and lived to tell the tale. And for those of you without kids, don’t worry too much. It’s not all tears and sleep deprivation. It’s also a lot of hugs and sweet baby kisses and funny stories about legos and pizza that make no sense.

So, short post today. But I’ll probably be  back tomorrow and until then I need for you to put your heads together and figure out how to make my kitchen look like this. It could happen, right?

Ike’s room is almost done, the nursery has been painted, curtains just got boughten for the fireplace wall, I’ve made 8000 trips to Ikea recently, and I still need help with the master bedroom and kitchen.

We have lots to discuss. Stay tuned.

Sorry I couldn’t respond to all your wonderful advice yesterday, but since the doctor stole a gallon of my blood, made me drink a hideous glucose confection, and gave me a shot to which I had some weird feverish reaction, I thought it best to hide out until I could string three words together without sounding like a raving brain dead pregnant lunatic. Although let’s face it — that’s pretty much who I am 24/7 these days.

Anyhow, I read and greatly appreciated every single one of your comments. Thank you! Extra special thanks to those I psycho emailed with 800 questions. I feel ever so much better today and will try to avoid doing that again… no promises, though.

So, I started reviewing my dining inspiration files and noticed a distinct trend:

White, white, and more white tulip tables.

I know the wood tops are sexy and seductive, but I think for longevity a white table will afford me the most possibilities. ANYTHING goes with a white tulip table. Anything.

See? It’s just as happy with traditional as with modern.

So now the question is marble or painted white. Both have their pros and cons. I’m going to call the sales rep today and let him try to talk me into the marble — it’s only $336 more so I’m going to splurge if I think it’s a sound purchase.

Will let you know how it goes.

And thank you for talking me out of the rugs. As much as I hate my tile, I just cannot make two big decisions at once.

You guys are the deciders and I love you.

[Casa Orlandi, Barrie Benson, Yatzer, Tom Scheerer, Barrie Benson, unknown, Decorno, Fawn Galli, Christian May, all via pinterest]

I am possessed by the urge to paint EVERYTHING.

Ceilings.

Floors.

Woodwork.

Chairs.

Paintings.

Kitchen cabinets.

Kitchen cabinets.

Kitchen cabinets.

I’ve visited Benjamin Moore so frequently of late that Sanders is probably wondering if he should set up a cot for me.

Yesterday when I went to the high risk doc, I frantically interrogated him about the possibility of harming the baby from SO MUCH PAINTING. I mean, I use the fancy low VOC Aura paint, but still… there are nights I go to bed with paint in my hair. And under my nails. And who knows where else — I can’t see down there anymore.

He said not to worry one bit, to paint away.

So in case you were wondering, our little peanut probably will probably come out with only two eyes and sans vestigial tail.

Although extra parts could come in handy someday?

Gotta peruse some paint chips. See y’alluns later.

[House and Home, Mary MacDonald, Veranda, Jamie Meares, Laura Day, unknown kitchens all via pinterest]

It’s official. Today marks the third trimester of pregnancy and I have transformed overnight from cute, bouncy pregnant lady into shamu the whale — beached and bleating out sad whale noises whilst flipping over and over in hopes of finding a comfortable side to lay on (hint: there isn’t one). In other words I’m slowing down. So far we’ve painted most of the rooms — and I’ve even painted one room twice (be gone, band aid office!) — but at the very least we still have the baby nursery to paint and kitchen cabinets to tackle.

Ohhhh, the kitchen cabinets. Thanks a lot, you bossy bitches, for deluding me into thinking I can paint that crap. And I mean that in the nicest possible way Look! I am smiling! But seriously we are going to try to paint them in the next three to four weeks, before I totally wimp out and can only mail order window treatments and rugs and the like.

Ohmygod why… WHY! This kitchen was gutted about eight years ago, and while I don’t expect it to look fresh as a daisy, I cannot for the love of jeebus understand why the homeowners installed custom honey oak cabinets. I do not hate wood cabinets — darker or lighter would have been fine. But these are orange and wood grain striped like an angry tiger.

Here’s a better view that shows the beautifully absent desk that Matt knocked out. My James Montish cerused oak hutch has since occupied the space, and it looks boss.

Now, let’s talk about these cabinets. Some of you suggested a two tone look, with cream on top and taupey gray on bottom. That would be fine, but there is a floor to ceiling pantry wall that houses the fridge (taupey gray?) and a floor to ceiling double oven cabinet on the other side of the microwave. That one is attached to the upper cabinets, so not sure what to do about it if we go two tone.

You can see how that wall is configured in the MLS photo. My photos are more accurate colorwise.

Here’s a shot of the counters. I think they read darker and a little warmer/yellower overall, but I wanted to make sure you could see all the different colors — peachy rust, beige, taupe, medium and dark greens. The backsplash is sandy beige tile.

I would like for you to know I hate this kitchen so much that I’ve already priced out carrara marble counters ($55 sq/ft installed for 3cm slabs with eased edges), Ikea cabinets, and I’m plotting to run the living room wood floors into the kitchen and dinette…

Someday.

I cannot undertake a reno of that scale before baby comes. Not to mention that we just bought a new car and ye olde bank account needs a while to recover.

And so friends, it’s up to us to make this kitchen livable for the next year or two. What color should I paint my cabinets?

Maybe something like this?

Or darker and greener?

Or perhaps softer?

Two tone or not two tone?

Dare I paint the backsplash? It always seems to look nastily flat to me.

Ok, put on your thinking caps and give me your best and brightest advice.

I gotta get her done before baby is here.

Thanks for all your comments, advice, and encouragement on yesterday’s pink dinette post. It feels good to have one tiny thing accomplished, but I’m also totally overwhelmed when I consider the millions of things I’ve yet to tackle. For that reason, I’m putting off my shabby kitchen post until next week. I just don’t think I can handle picking out cabinet paint colors when I have two rooms to paint this weekend, wallpaper to order, furniture to consider, piles of unfinished laundry, and a sugar laden school function to attend this afternoon.

Oh, and we did buy a new car yesterday — which was a wholly exhausting experience. I would consider painting it with gold chevron pinstripes and adding teal all weather mats, but the decorating budget is circling the drain after that purchase.

Forget all that. Let’s look at some amazing, totally unattainable  kitchens that I want to lick.

Need I remind you of the unattainable part?

Next week we will discuss what can be done in the next six weeks with my shabby brown kitchen before I’m too fat and pregnant to move, and must depend on crappy reality tv for survival.

I’m just too tired and poor to even ponder that bizness right now.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer.

Happy Friday!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

[images via pinterest]