No, I’m not talking about that 50 Shades of Drivel that seems to be spreading faster than a faux pandemic — like the bird flu or Y2K. I’m talking about my nascent need to add some cray cray custom upholstered masterpiece to my life. Something that will hold the viewer in thrall and command the scene. In fact, I’m pretty convinced that every room needs a little dominating.

Evidence:

 Apparently it has to be a large, insanely expensive item.

I am poor middle class and I can’t sew (a button, maybe?), therefore common sense dictates that I should tackle my wee little chairs first.

Baby steps. Baby dominatrix. That’s kind of skeevy.

Weather is being very uncooperative (rain in Austin? in summer???!), but I promise Ike’s room reveal will be up as soon as I can shoot it.

Honestly it’s good that I can’t do it today because I got about four hours of sleep last night worrying about the cleaning lady coming tomorrow… if I weren’t pregnant I’m pretty sure someone would prescribe horse tranquilizers for my anxiety.

Nesting ain’t no joke, y’all.

 [Pinterest sources for pics hereish, because it's summer and I'm lazy]

After today’s post you may doubt yesterday’s words and fear that I am headed squarely into geriatric territory… hopefully not, but this morning I couldn’t remember where the coffee cups were, so you never know. Anyhow, let’s talk fringe — you know, those strings that hang off stuff. We could also call it bullion if you want to get fancy. Whatever it is, I like it (as evidenced by a previous post I penned on the topic). Is fringe antithetical to all things clean and minimal? Uh, maybe. Will it confuse my Roomba as it attempts to vacuum under the couch? Probably. Let’s see if obscuring form and laughing in the face of function is worth it, shall we?

Jeffrey Bilhuber pairs jewel tones with a fringed, skirted foyer table. I’m starting you fringe neophytes off easy.

ps: curtains!

Celerie Kemble loves hairy fringe, but you must check out the whole picture:

That amazing chandellier by Guglielmo Ulrich blows me away, but I like the fringe, too. The pink Dr. Doolittle settee scares me a little.

Richard Shapiro does (back to back) brown linen sofas with matching bullion for House of Veranda — crisp and tailored. Again love the jewel tones. Someday when I buy a big girl couch I’m considering this color. It’s warm but plays well with brights and neutrals.

Miles Redd goes grandma chic, but I would snatch that sofa out of this room and dress it down in a heartbeat.

And still my favorite, so I’m shamelessly reposting it: Pamplemousse does arty fringe. I want to have sex with that sofa. Or on it. Who cares? Sex… sofa.

Now I know my pal Christian is probably about to ban me from his contacts, because he hates the fringe so much. But I want to know what you think… are you crossing me off the awesome list, too?

I was already on it, right?

Just remember the immortal words of the great poet and sage Kenny Loggins (or whoever actually wrote the song):

Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity

Highway to the danger zone
Gonna take you
Right into the danger zone

Go there.

All these peachy pink walls are giving me the blues, but not in a weepy wimpy way. More in a, I must have cobalt blue velvet stat, kind of way.

Case in point:

This fabulous vintage tufted sofa with brand new blue velvet upholstery just popped up at a local dealer’s shop. Sadly, I know this particular dealer will be charging 1st Dibs prices. Double sadly, that upholstery in my house would go from pristine to a jelly smeared nightmare in 3.2 seconds.

But look how good FloLo makes peacocky blue look with a juicy pink palette. Delish.

Almost as good as my girl Naomi Stein’s fabulous Klein blue and pantone pink office nook. Genius, no?

Go check out the rest of her amazing apartment reveal over at Design Sponge.

And then please report back to let me know where I can get an amazing kid friendly blue sofa.

Is buying a white couch a fool’s errand? What if you own one toddler and might have plans to make it a two fer? What if you have a long haired gray cat who thinks she’s a wad of velcro? Deep down inside I know buying a white couch is probably a very bad idea, but my superficial exterior thinks it would transform my living room into a shining beacon of glory. I do know what I won’t be buying, though…

A white SUEDE couch. I mean… wow. White. suede. Hasn’t Robert Couturier ever seen Can’t Buy Me Love?

Cindy is going to be in big trouble when mommy finds out she spilled wine all over the megabucks white suede outfit Cindy jacked from her closet…

Another thing I’m not going to buy is a white chesterfield. Sure, it sings its siren song of leather and whispered promises of easy clean up, but that’s a dirty lie. Cleaning gunk out of those little buttons is the bane of my existence, and our chesterfield is dark. I can’t even imagine what cleaning a white chesterfield would look like… Hell, methinks.

I want to like this, but I think the cushions look cheap. Agree? Disagree?

Still I really want a white couch. I’d love something slipcovered, but I don’t want it to look like a slipcovered couch. The one above would do nicely.

Am I crazy?

Please answer with regard to the white couch question only.

[Robert Couturier, Lili Diallo, Lazaro Rosa Violan, Met Home]

I’m sorry that I’ve been kind of losery up in here — someone obviously forgot to drink their tiger blood — but you guys gotta cut me some slack (please). My mind is so feverishly feeble that I need a cane just to get to the other side of a sentence. Thank goodness Karly will be here tomorrow to rescue me, but until then you can watch me limp through this post like a broken gazelle. Don’t sick the hyenas on me just yet; I do at least have a few pretty pictures for you. Of beds. That I would like to lounge on. During the day.

They’re called daybeds.

Karly has one and now I want one, too… not that I could squeeze another single stick of furniture into this house. But as I’ve laid propped up on the couch for hours at a time, snotty toddler wheezing at my chest, watching Coraline and Nightmare Before Christmas (Ike has interesting taste) play like a stop action mobius strip across our tv, I’ve really found myself wishing we had a bed in the living room.

A daybed might be a little less squicky, right?

[Lonny, Marie Claire Maison]

Last week I flipped the thrift switch, and now I’m an unstoppable bargain buying machine. Vintage ikat and paisley tablecloths, overgrown 70′s floral needlepoints, a crazy musical cakeplate, and 5000 ceramic pieces later, I show no signs of slowing down — which is handy since Round Top is tomorrow. (Will Karly buy another coffee table, or won’t she? Tune in next week to find out…) My latest find has left me with a bit of buyer’s remorse, not unlike the time I bought this.

Let’s see what y’all think of my latest purchase:

A vintage Milo Baughman brass based barrel chair in lipstick red. Homegirl still has her Thayer Coggin manufacturer labels intact. And she swivels and rocks. Tease.

But what the hell am I going to do with this thing? Although I love the color — despite pledging my allegiance to the black and white stars and stripes forever — the upholstery has seen better days and probably needs to be redone. And wouldn’t it look amazing in this?

But since this fabric is $150/yd, I’m thinking no. Dammit.

Of course what I really wish I could do is upholster it in a vintage Jack Lenor Larsen fabric.

Did I say I was afraid of color? Well, If someone gave me a bolt of Larsen fabric, I wouldn’t bat a lash — I swear I would redecorate my entire house around one of his crazy psychedelic prints.

But back to the real world, and the most pressing question: do I keep this chair for which I have no available space and no real need, this chair which needs a $400-500 upholstery job, or do I sell it and make a little cash for… more thrift purchases (duh).

Sleepy eyes sure likes it.

In fact, since I brought little miss hot stuff home, Ike and the cat have fought for space on her bountiful seat — sometimes to deleterious effect. Ike and the chair are a little worse for wear. The cat, however, is doing just fine.

Keep or sell, people? Help me out.

I’ve kind of always wanted a crazy, patterned couch in colors that would make grandma blush. But would today’s favored pattern become tomorrow’s mauve and teal flamestitch? Oh wait… that’s coming back, right?

Hot damn, not bad. I think I’d even like it in teal.

Anyway, what do we think? Balls out, all over upholstery, like only Miles Redd can bring it:

Or could we cheat a bit and maybe just tuck a blanket into the seat cushion to create some interest:

Can I tell you how much I love everything in this picture? Love. This is my Acid Wasp wet dream.

I may or may not be obsessed with contrasting patterns. Am I? Do you feel the need to save me from myself, or to egg me on?

So is the blanket thing too messy? Or is it ever worth the splurge to just upholster the whole couch in a pattern? I’m a little scared things could veer into Buatta territory. And expensive, I-redecorate-every-five-minutes territory. Still, wouldn’t it be fun to do it up righteous?

Can you tell I’m super sick of having leather couches???

Happy Monday, folks. It’s going to be a good week. Or else.

[1st Dibs, House Beautiful via, AD, Lonny]

You know what I’ve been loving lately? Fringe. That’s right. I said it. Now I know y’all are probably thinking: what’s gotten into you, Erin? First you’re asking us to approve of shabby slipcovers, now this? Are you turning into a musty old cat lady who sleeps on a stack of newspapers you’ve been collecting since that nice man Roosevelt was in office?

While it is true that I find the twin odors of mothballs and urine particularly appealing, I assure you that I am still young and hip. I mean, did you see the Black Eyes Peas at the Superbowl? AWESOME. But I digress.

BOOM. How do you like me now, whippersnappers? Every single thing in this room by Pamplemousse Design is the MF bizness.

Remember the unimpeachably chic home of Marie Olsson Nylander? That’s where this lovely resides.

Oh yeah. You know you want a huge fringed chandelier in a light bright shade of red. Special bonus: that sucker would make a fantastic cat toy.

Sure, according to Encyclopedia Raina this room is from 1992, but just because I love it doesn’t make me old. Right??? It’s got squiggly lines, for Pete’s sake.

Ok, we are headed down the primrose path of waspville here, but Tory Burch does have a pretty green velvet couch with gold fringe that reminds me very much of a couch my mom had. Of course, my mom’s couch started out as a white sectional (please see yesterday’s post about the perils of white couches and children), but then she recovered it in green and gold damask with gold fringe all up in that joint. My mom also used to pick me up from school in a topless Jeep (when I was hoping for a minivan mom), and she wore flashdance sweatshirts with bare shoulders. So, now you get that fringe is not for old boring people, right? I’m sure my story made that crystal clear.

This is just a bonus picture from Richard Powers that will allow me to sing:

All the world will fly in a flurry
When I take you out in the surrey,
When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top!

The lyrics may come from a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, but that doesn’t make me old at all.

Does it?

As the proud parent of a very energetic toddler, I can say there are a few things I will never own: 1) a white sofa 2) a fabric sofa 3) another chesterfield sofa (you would not believe what secrets those button tufts can hide). I know a lot of people have their little munchkins trained to eat in (gasp) the kitchen or dining areas, which is right and good since that’s where food should live. And it’s not that I am trying to raise a wild animal, it’s just that life happens. Well, that and I have a hard time standing over an 18 month old in the kitchen, watching him take his sweet time (like, at least an hour) futzing with four squares of PB&J.

On the other hand, could this be the solution to all my problems?

Are you guys sick of all the Belgian linen slipcovers yet? I have to say I kind of love the romance of it all. Of course, you could throw a burning pile of poop in the middle of this gorgeous room and it would still look fabulous. But would this super soft look work in a more casual space or just come off as sloppy?

I do generally prefer a more tailored look for a sofa. I’m all for comfort, but I’m also a little concerned that the super flowy white slipcovers look like Aunt Martha just closed up her Hamptons home for the winter.

Now this looks kidproof. Black covers, they never get dirty — the longer you use them the blacker they get.

I kind of always thought I wanted a white sofa, but I find this refreshingly different and super easy to pull off. Just think — that fabric could be anything. Something that matches jelly would be preferable.

Happy Monday, dudes. I have a craaaaaaaaaazy busy week coming up, but Ima do my best to shower you with blog love. Maybe even every inch of my love.

[Marie Claire Maison and MR Architecture]

Praise jeebus, it’s Friday. Hallelujah and sparkle rainbow angel monkeys. I don’t know about you, but this was one of the most brutal weeks in recent memory for me. I am probably going to suffer post traumatic stress disorder from it, complete with trippy flashbacks. That might be cool, though.

I am going to try really hard to wait until 5 pm to have a martini, but there’s no need to make the whole day into a suffering succotash of delayed gratification. Have a seat. Relax. Take a load off, homies.

That’s a double dose of de Sede for y’alluns, because I love you so. Thank you for your nice comments on Ike’s room redo. They pretty much single handedly salvaged my wreck of a week.

I hope you all have a fantastic, fun filled weekend!

ps: head over to Apartment Therapy and vote for Door Sixteen as the best blog in the universe. Dewit.

I’m starting this new column because sometimes I come across things for which I genuinely can’t determine my feelings. That’s where you come in, and isn’t it comforting to know there’s no wrong answer? It’s not like I’m a teacher, slamming the sledgehammer of knowledge across your knuckles when you answer incorrectly, or like your boss who thinks the answer to improving performance is assigning more TPS reports. I’m even nicer than your kids — I promise I will never scream at you in public if I don’t like what you’re doing. Just playing along is alright by me.

So: Yes or No?

Maximo Riera’s Octopus Chair. Hip Lovecraftian throne, or nightmare from the deep?

Please please please don’t forget to tune in early next week for my big reveal of Ike’s nursery/playroom redo! It’s almost done and it’s looking pretty cute, if I do say so myself…

Happy weekend, ya’ll!

Oh! PS:

It appears Apartment Therapy’s annual Homies bizness is going down, so if you feel like heading over HERE and nominating us, Karly and I will be your eternal wives in heaven. That’s a pretty good deal, right?

Whatup Thursday!  I’m here for my SECOND longish post this week and will be waiting patiently at the end for my big, fat prize.  I get something grand for posting more than 2 pictures and typing, like, 5 funny sentences, right?

I know Erin already seduced you sectionally, but I just found a bunch of irregularly  shaped sectionals in my interiors folder so that’s what you’re getting today.  You can’t have too much of a good thing, right?

Guess what?!  I don’t know where this is from.  That’s what happens when I pull things at random from my inspiration folder.  BUT I heard your cries for documentation on Tuesday so I’ll be more careful from here on out.  Today is my last day (probably) of laziness.

Thanks, Elizabeth, for hooking me up with the source of this photo!!  Looks like it’s from m. design

My fantasy sofa.

I was really torn on whether or not to show you this sofa from The Selby (huh, huh, look at that, I know where it’s from), it’s not really irregular, but I figured there was enough curve and groovy pattern that we could let it fly.

This round beauty belongs to fellow blogger ModFruGal and was featured on our blog when she gave us her drool-worthy home tour.

Ok, where’s my prize?