Is there anything less appealing than sculpted, 30 year old carpet in mottled shades of hamster hair brown and band aid beige? True, the latest house for sale that The Hunny and I toured was not as spectacular a fail as the house with a tree growing through the middle of the kitchen, but it had its own share of disgusting idiosyncrasies. Carpet, carpet everywhere — in the living areas, the hallways, the bedrooms, even the bathrooms (shudder). As I walked from room to room I felt the gentle crunch underfoot of 30 years worth of dirt, skin and dog hair, and even though I could see past the home’s prairie wallpaper, its frilly curtains, cheap plywood cabinets, even its popcorn ceilings, the carpet raised my hackles and left me with a scratchy, hairball feeling in the back of my throat. I wanted to rip that shit out in a rage and punch it in its face.

Doesn’t this carpet look like dog farts?

Sadly, we are not highrollers. But we want a big house in a good neighborhood with a huge, wooded yard. For cheap. So we’re probably going to have to fix up whatever we buy, and flooring will most likely top the list. Although we’re passing on the farty carpet house, it did get me to thinking: what if we did buy it and renovate? What would we replace 2500 sq ft of carpet with? Hardwoods are expensive, but to me they’re worth putting in living areas. But what about the bedrooms?

What about… carpet?

This isn’t so bad, is it?

Not my favorite bedroom in the world, but I don’t hate the sisal at all.

And it’s not like I couldn’t layer other rugs over it. Ok, maybe not the zebra…

But this doesn’t make me angry (just pretend the sisal runs wall to wall — you can do it, mental giants). And carpet would be cheaper than wood, right? Well, probably not the carpet I would want…

I would not kick Kelly Wearstler’s carpet out of my bedroom.

Or could you imagine having something like this running wall to wall in your bedroom? Kelly Wearstler’s guest house makes me want to swathe everything in neutral patterns.

If you really had vision (and money to burn), you could even go super bold, like the wall to wall carpet in this Mary MacDonald room.

Hey, did I malign sculpted carpet earlier? Perhaps it’s not so bad after all.

So, what do y’all think about carpet? Could it ever look modern? How about in a super nice sculpted berber or a sisal? Does anyone out there have fancy carpet? Did it cost 500 zillion dollars?

Am I crazy for even thinking about this?

It’s been a bit rough at Casa Erin. First I thought I swallowed a blowtorch, but nope — that’s just my throat. Now my similarly afflicted precious little munchkin is addicted to the sweet sweet taste of baby Tylenol, which he actually loves more than anything else in his tiny universe. Apparently it is formulated almost entirely of sugar. Oh, and my internets are going berserker. And I have (lovely) house guests coming. So in the interest of preserving what’s left of my sanity, I’m going to make today’s post short and (hopefully) extra awesome. That won’t be easy, especially since I haven’t got two synapses left to rub together. In other words, this post is totally random.

I honestly can’t decide whether these gold framed windows are tacky or fabulous. I must really be sick.

No ambiguity here: everyone loves peeping ponies.

Guess what? This is a NIGHTCLUB.

They probably hand out these sexy pajamas at the front door.

Well, I told you it was gonna be short, but it was fun while it lasted, right? Don’t worry, I’ll be back on Thursday, ready to attack the design world’s thorniest issues — like paint colors, and couches, and that kind of important stuff. It’s a good thing I’m not sick very often.

Ah – the weekend. For some, a break from the nine to five bore and snore. Families are pumpkin picking, men are losing bets over football, and classes take a backseat as college students booze. Wait, I’m in college, so where’s my vodka bramble? Oh ya, that’s right.. I’m in grad school – different kind of college. My weekend gets sucked into a big vacuum made by Hoover, model name ”all work and no sleep”, and the remains? Well there are none. The lack of weekend begins Friday evening after leaving my assistantship to go straight to an artist’s lecture. I return to my pad around 9:30, work on half drop repeats until the early morn, and then go back to my assistantship for the Saturday gallery hours of 11-4.

I admit, I make it sound grueling, but every second is worth it when I realize how surreal it is. The home of my assistantship is a 7,000 square foot sprawling ranch called The Design Center. Think Case Study Houses, or the Singleton Residence, now you’ve got the idea. This gem of a house was inhabited by Goldie Paley, the founder of CBS’ mother (a.k.a mom-in-law to style icon Babe Paley), before being donated to my university. TDC contains a huuuuge textile archive, as well as textile-manufacturing relics, apparel, and three lovely ladies behind the scenes. As if this isn’t enough to overwhelm the midwest doe-eyed girl in me, the Design Center also has gallery space where the lace-inspired work of three international artists resides: Demakersvan, Tord Boontje, and Cal Lane.

Ok ok, I’ll stop gushing and show you the damn pictures. First we have Tord. As you can imagine, hours and hours went into making this raffia curtain:

Tord’s Design Studio was well-known for their beautiful light fixtures for artecnica prior to this exhibition.

Above: Midsummer Light, www.unicahome.com

Above: Come Rain Come Shine Light, www.unicahome.com

Below: Garland Light  (Give me this, now, in black please):

Good stuff, huh?

But check these one of a kind bad boys out:

Tord’s maquettes of raffia designs, based on Quaker Lace sample(in top of photo):

Tord didn’t stop at the raffia curtain and light fixtures.

How would you feel about this being front and center in your living room?

Yes.  This is a couch.  Yes, I’ve sat in it.  Yes, It’s super comfy.

above photos: courtesy of The Design Center

With his lace-making approach to the couch, Tord has created a (very) modern
rendition of a Victorian love seat, IMHO:

Furniture I found outside of Tord’s Lace in Translation work includes the Shadowly Armchair / Chaise Lounge:

www.unicahome.com

Which brings me back to one of Erin’s finds, a hooded wicker chair from her Round Top Round Up.

Enough with Tord, onward to Cal.  Cal Lane that is.  She’s Canadian, and pretty much amazing.  She’s the artist whose lecture I mentioned above.  I had seen her work in these next three photos before I saw her Lace in Translation work, which you may be familiar with also:

That’s some durrrrty lace

Seeing her work in person, not to mention at the place I work at, is ten times better than any photograph:

Cal used a Quaker Lace Sample from the Design Center’s collection as the inspiration for her burnout pattern in the grass (which as a result of mulching, I was able to give my classmates a whole new way to experience her work: through the smell of cow.)

The same design was used for her massive oil drum sculpture atop the pool.

above photos:  courtesy of The Design Center

Like I said, amazing, right??  Well, that’s my rant.  Back to my unweekend plans of relaxing print work.  Ciao.

The Lace in Translation Exhibition runs September 24th through April 3^rd. Visit www.laceintranslation.com for details.

It’s an uncharacteristically bleary dreary day here in Austin and I need a lil’ pick me up. Since I’m a responsible mom and have to say no to drugs, I’ve gotta get my fix from the exciting world of art and design. Despite the sludgy quagmire that is my “brain” these days (from lack of sleep, not the drugs I said no to, duh), I have managed to wrangle up some heelarious artworks designed to make you giggle from mind bending time warpiness. Like this:

Natasha Lawes is the super hair and makeup stylist responsible for creating the look for this ad campaign. Because everyone enjoys watching Marie Antoinette eat a weiner.

The inimitable Whorange introduced me to the amazing works of Ron English, who produced these bastard children of KISS and Botticelli. I cannot even tell you how much I want this. I may have to rework a few of my own vintage paintings…

Check out Tula’s awesome writeup on his work, as well as her hilarious recounting of her first concert here. She went to KISS. I went to Ratt. Round one in the coolness contest definitely goes to Tula. But you know, what comes around goes around…

I’ve got a space open for this image by Serra Glia, too. The fire extinguisher is sure to quench any fire and brimstone that may threaten my home.

I want a baby unicorn.

Every urban apartment complex needs a guardian angel lurking beneath its windows, right?

Kings of anachronism the Timorous Beasties infect a traditional gentrified toile with a dodgy London vibe.

A closeup of the pattern printed on china shows that toile can bust a cap in your ass. Perfect print for sofas and other seating, yes?

No stranger to the vagaries of toile himself, artist Richard Saja creates dichotomies of time in his Historically Inaccurate series.

By day this innocuous toile piece depicts the marriage of King Arthur to Guinevere, but by night glow in the dark superheroes sewn into the fabric appear to show you a hallucinatory good time. No drugs required.

I pretty much don’t buy new things. Mostly it’s because I’m cheap, but when I’m making some pretense at self righteousness (usually when trying to justify the purchase of yet another thrifted chair to the Hunny), I say that I’m saving the earth. Pretty much single handedly. Ok, Karly helps, too. However, we’re remodeling our kitchen, and gosh darn it’s hard to thrift built in cabinets. Plus we’re furnishing/decorating a nursery, and used sheets and rugs for le bebe just won’t work for me. This newfound taste for uh, newness, has resulted in THREE trips to Ikea in the past week alone. If you’ve never been to an Ikea store, just know that a) there is never one conveniently located by your house and b) it takes hours just to navigate the showroom labyrinth.

You see, Ikea’s “floorplan” is actually a nefarious plot designed to keep you trapped within the store for the longest possible time without actually causing brain damage. But I can tell you, it comes damn close. So today, I’m going to shower you with all the Ikea knowledge I’ve gleaned over the past few months of epic trips, in the vain hope that I might spot some goodies for you and prevent Ikea overload should you ever step into the store yourself. Even so, it might be best to tie a rope to your car, all Poltergeist style. Just in case.

First of all, what in the world have I bought there? Well, this corner of our nursery (yes, there is a bed in our nursery, but don’t worry — there’s a crib, too) features a Ludde sheepskin on the rocker ($49.95), the Stockholm nubby throw ($29.99), a pair of black Jorun pillows ($14.99 ea), and linen Aina curtains ($49.99 for 2). Sorry, Le Tigre is not available at Ikea. I have to say that of all these items, I think the curtains are a steal. They’re linen, 8 ft tall with rod pockets in the back and faux pinch pleats in the front. Good deal.

Additionally, I’ve bought a bazillion dollars worth of kitchen stuff there, including Abstrakt white cabinets and Nexus brown black cabinets. (You can read all about my obsession with both in this post.) I’ve been shopping for some kitchen accessories to go with, and I think these Asker egg shaped cups on rails are pretty swift. They also look nice in this cute office, which is sadly marred by that creepy “Hello.” Link via Apartment Therapy.

And, of course, I love my giant wicker beehive light ($89.99 for the biggun) that hangs in our dining room, which currently looks nothing like this. At all.

In addition to all these purchases, my pinched pocketbook lusts after — but will probably not buy — the following items:

Blob lights! Ok, I might actually buy a pair of these bad boys because THE HUNNY LIKES THEM. This does not happen. Ever. Ikea Jonisk, $49.99. Awesome proportions — it’s big.

I would also lurve to have an entirely new patio set… alas, I am broke. But if you’re shopping for a giant umbrella, Ikea has some super fantastic ones. This cantilevered badass is HUGE. Ikea Karlso, $129.00 for 10 feet of shade.

Ikea also rolled out these new deck chairs for the summer season. Brommo has all the elements of a classic: clean lines, decent construction, and it’s comfy. Plus you gotta love a good rope chair. $59.99.

You could always imitate the effervescent Ione Skye and buy these lounge chairs for your outdoor wonderland. Karl Skrona is kinda pricey at $169, but if it’s good enough for ex Mrs. David Netto… (Netto, what were you thinking, anyway? Ione is adorable!)

If you’re among the rich and famous and have $129 to burn on ONE chair, the Ange is Salternini sweet. Oh, and Karly and I would each like a set of six while you’re at it. Thanks!

Anna from Door Sixteen has the Karlstad couch, and I have to say that sucker is super comfortable! Another friend has the same sofa in a sectional configuration, and I am sorely tempted to sell my leather sofas and buy one, too. It’s that squishy good. Do yourself a favor and buy the best fabric they have. $599 for gray wool flannel.

One of Ikea’s greatest strengths is probably their textiles; the rugs in particular are priced well considering the materials and patterns. Clockwise from top left: 1) Admete, two sided cotton runner, $19. 2) Flatweave Jorun, two sided wool, $179. 3) Tarnby, braided jute $99 (much nicer in person — very thick). 4) Stockholm, wool, $229.

They had some pretty cute new duvet covers when I was there, too. Love this one in a child’s room, styled by Creature Comforts. Unni Slinga, $19.99 for duvet cover and two pillowcases.

Ikea’s other greatest strength is its straight up cheapness when it comes to the basics:

Remember my last post about Blobs where I waxed hateful on Damien Hirst and how damn much money he makes for “designing” things like the light configuration in this home? Well, eight Ikea lights later and you’ve got your very own Damien Hirst design. Left: Lillholmen, $9.99. Right: Fado, $29.99. Boo ya!

So, in closing, I would like to summarize all the things I like about Ikea: 1) It’s cheap. 2) Sometimes it’s cool. 3) They have great customer service, as in they will take ANYTHING back. Are you listening muthereffing Target? I’m also in love with tiny Bob, the kitchen designer at the Austin store, and Kumar, the most excellent customer service dude, ever. 4) They have this new deal where using your debit card nets you a 3% credit on your next trip. Yay! Free money! 5) They only have reusable bags — no disposable plastic nasties. 7) “Ice cream” cones. 6) Occasionally they give their products very funny names, like this corkscrew:

But it’s not all sweet smelling rosy stuff. There are things I hate about Ikea, too. 1) It’s far away. 2) It’s really far away. 3) The zombies:

If you’ve ever been to a brick and mortar Ikea store, then you know eactly what I’m talking about.

Several months ago I saw the most insane headboard somewhere on the world wide web.  This evening my ego as a savvy internet searcher has taken a major blow, because, alas, I CAN NOT FIND THE DAMN PICTURE  TO SAVE MY LIFE.  But trust me when I tell you that it was phenomenal:  a big ole tacky tapestry depicting the Last Supper had been repurposed as a king-sized headboard.  While I didn’t have a picture of the beast, it’s image shined bright as the inspiration for the, ahem, How-To that I will show you kids today.

Look!  Our fist How-To!  How sweet.  Since I don’t have the original photo, here’s a nice opening shot with another tapestry behind a bed (unfortunately, not as a headboard)

If you would like to have a tapestry behind your bed, but you want to crank it up a few notches, I suggest you follow these instructions: 

1. Scour the local thrift stores for a tapestry large and ferocious enough to do the trick (make sure it’s at least a couple inches wider than the bed).  

I found some great tapestries on ebay here, here and here

Because I’m cheap and I love a bargain, I will brag that I got this 66″ wide tapestry for only $19.  I’m better at finding deals than I am at taking pictures, so I apologize for the craptastic photos.

2.  Get yourself some plywood.  You’ll want it to be the same width as the bed and about 8 inches shorter than your tapestry. Make sure it is thick enough to stay flat against the wall, but don’t bother blowing your family’s savings.  This $9 board did just fine

BONUS:  Have the dudes at the hardware store cut it to size for ya, it’s free and saves you loads of time.

3.  Here’s where the savings start rolling in:  Buy a small roll of carpet padding.  Every other site on the planet will tell you to use foam from the craft store but not here at Design Crisis, ut-uh, no way.  Were all about saving the Benjamins and this little pointer will cut your crafting costs by at least 75%.  Be sure there is enough square footage on the roll to cover your board twice.  

4.  Cut out 2 pieces of carpet foam the exact same size as your headboard.  If your roll won’t make 2 exact pieces, you can use remnants from the first cut to cover the board a second time.

5.    Get yourself some spray adhesive.  WARNING:  Do not buy your adhesive at the craft store, it literally costs 4 times as much as the spray adhesive at the hardware store and isn’t as strong.   

6.  Spray a 1 foot wide section of the wood, starting at the edge, fold your foam over and smooth it on to the board.  Work your way across the wood in 1 foot wide sections.  

7. Repeat for the second layer, spraying your adhesive onto the first layer of foam in 1 foot wide sections

8.  Have a sip of whatever cocktail you are enjoying

9.  I think I missed a photo or two during my craft session, but I think you can see what’s happening here:  lay your tapestry face-down on the floor with the board face-down on top.  BE SURE TO CENTER IT

10.  Fold each edge over and staple one time on the center of each side, pull the fabric a bit as you go to make sure it’s taught.

11.  Have a stapler party and finish stapling all the sides, working your way from the center out

12.  Be sure to fold your corners real pretty like.

13.  Find a boy to put some triangle hanger thingies on the back – 2 will work (make sure the screws are no longer than the thickness of your wood)

- sorry about asking for a boy to do it, I can weld, change the tires of my car and clean up cat vomit, but I don’t use wood working tools - 

14. Hang, finish your cocktail, and enjoy

15. Continue enjoying while figuring out what to do with the rest of the room

This little project took about an hour and cost roughly $60.  Not too shabby.  Here are some other tapestry headboards for your viewing pleasure:

both images via vintage and chic

And I’d like to thank our friend, Andrea, for a heads up to these quaint little tapestry pieces:

Frederique Morre creates custom-covered home goods using recycled tapestries. What do you think, should I have 12 of those sofas in the room with my headboard?  Too much?

And finally, one last tapestry-over-something shot:

Suzy Hoodless

If I remember correctly, one of the DC New Year’s resolutions was to start posting how-tos, I can’t believe we actually did it but look, now you think we’re good and honest girls.  With pretty headboards.

Even though summer is coming and cool, bare floors are perfect for hot Texas temperatures, I’ve been thinking about rugs a lot. There’s nary a stitch of carpet in our house and I like it that way, but I have a feeling baby will not. There’s no way I’m installing carpet over our gorgeous wood floors, but I have the overwhelming urge to pad every flat surface in some sort of thick woolen coating. Kind of like this waiting area designed by Tjep:

Sorry about the bad picture, but are you not sorely tempted to create your very own padded cell from Persian rugs? No more fretting over paint colors or furniture choices, just tell the carpet store you’ll take everything they’ve got in Tabriz, including this guy from Hannes Grebin:

Holy bejeesus, I totally want to start cutting up all my ugly rugs in bizarre shapes and then sewing fringe on the edges. It would solve my everlasting boredom with rectangles problem, while still allowing me to escape from the ubiquitous animal shaped rug (Cows, zebras and ponies, I prefer to see you in your natural state — no need to undress for me).

Despite disparaging the rectangle, I wouldn’t kick this sexy number out of the bedroom. Can you believe the peeps over at AT panned the Downloading Rug by Richard Hutten? Oh well. More for me. Still, I’m not sure baby would appreciate the sense of humor inherent in Hutten’s rug — unless he takes after daddy and is born a baby computer genius. Hopefully he won’t take after mommy’s swiss cheese brain.

Somehow I am thinking baby would prefer for me to cover everything in bright bespoke carpet, like this townhouse decorated by Danielle at Fun on the Floor. I actually think the stairs are super cuteamous, but sorry, baby — ain’t got no stairs.

Meanwhile, mommy has some rugs picked out, but they aren’t exactly kid friendly.

Oh, Dan Golden’s rugs make me laugh! It’s a good thing his area rugs cost upwards of $13,000, otherwise I’m not sure I could stop myself from buying one.

And then there’s the Roadkill rug by Oooms. Since I’m pretty sure my entire house will look like this in a few years anyway, I figure might as well save my money and pick something else.

This super textural rug by Dacia Manto might make a good base for junior’s creations. The neutral background will allow his jelly sculptures to stand out while the shaggy pile will add interest to the rest of the field. Plus I just really like this one.

Did you know that Timorous Beasties — makers of crazy wallpaper — also makes rugs? Wait! I think I may have chosen a name for our son…

So, our own timorous beastie probably has some ideas of his own about rugs he’d like (to ruin).

This foam rug by Laurens Van Wieringen is obviously kid approved. Plus it has the added bonuses of texture, pattern and color — three known strategies to disguise peanut butter and puke.

Apparently, older, undie clad children who can’t be bothered to put down the laptop enjoy staring at the melting icecap featured in Nanimarquina’s Global Warming rug. Seriously, what is up with this picture?

Another Dan Golden gem. This one’s a bit more age appropriate. Of course, I still prefer his Morphine rug.

How cute is this rug by Richard Niessen and Jennifer Tee? This would truly, honestly look great in the nursery, but I shudder to even contemplate its cost. I’m not too bummed, though, because although I love this rug, it’s not even my favorite one.

I’ve pretty much decided on Dialogue, by Anne Lykke:

That’s right. Do I care that it looks like (and may actually be) a photoshopped image of a standard shag rug with a few moppets thrown on top? No, I do not. I would cover over my wood floors for this rug. Nevermind that the cat would get lost in a sea of wooly stands, or that we might lose the baby altogether, it looks so soft. And simple. And that sounds good right now.