Phelped Up

Guess what everyone?! Michael called and it is on!  So, rather than pushing that designy bullshit I normally peddle, let’s get to planning my big trip to Beijing!  Thank God I’m a few days late for those pesky Olympics so I can find a seat up in high-falootin first class.  Now, for the hotel room.  Since M has all that endorsement cash piling up by the minute (and this blog has yet to earn me a cent) he’s going to be splurging for my room.  He really really wants me to stay with him but coach Bowman says unt-uh, no way, not with all that gold on the line, buddy.  M & I sent some sad-face emoticon texts back and forth but, ultimately, we understand that love means never having to say you’re sorry making sacrifices every now and then.  Since he’s busy with time trials, he asked if I could book my own room.  pa-sha, how annoying.  But here’s what I’m thinking:

hotel

(see full size here)

A few choice nights at Beijing’s Emperor Hotel.  I’m pretty excited about that weird slide counter top in the all black bathroom (you know how I love black bathrooms) and those freaky fun hallways.  One thing I never like about hotels are the halls.  I’m pretty claustrophobic and those nondescript, long, narrow corridors always leave me grasping for air, the Emperor solves that problem with dynamic shape, fun color and cute little drawings.  I was a little hesitant to show you the bottom 2 pics, they’re a bit X-rated:  The first is where M will be giving me a soapy sweet sponge bath and the second is where we will play-race each other in the pool, he’ll probably let me win then toss a god medal at my face, we’ll laugh about it until we fall into each other’s arms in a big olympic style embrace.  See how M totally dominates at stealing my heart?  Awwee, what a cute little baby angel.

I think I’m going to schedule my arrival for when M is taking a nap so I have a bit of time to doll up before our rendezvous.  Could you imagine showing up all jet-lagged with a purse full of minis?  Oh, I would die!  I still haven’t found a salon expensive enough to manage my luxurious mane but I’m pretty sure I’ve got the spot to get my nails did:

nails did

An unknown manicurist in Beijing pays tribute to the Olympics by creating this mural out of 28,000 acrylic nails.   I’m going to track her down a make her paint a triptych style image of M swimming across my talons. Then I will probably find out that M was her muse for this mural and I will rip her soul out of her chest… with my legs so I don’t chip the new goods.

Between sponge baths, olympic gold medal ceremonies and interviews with Bob Costas, I’ll probably need to take some time to plan for the love-child M and I will undoubtedly create.  Even though I’m sure he’ll become a mind-blowing athlete, I should at least pretend that he might have a shot at intellectual genius so I might pick him up a few books at this quaint little shop:

kid's republic bookstore

kid's republic

The Kid’s Republic Bookstore in Beijing

All those bright colors and things to climb on are sure to stimulate Junior’s senses.  If I close my eyes I can almost feel little MP kicking.

After the games are finally done (and I move into M’s room, thankyouverymuchcoachB) we’ll probably need some down time to just take in the sights and enjoy the city.  I’ll have to insist that we check out Dorophy Tang’s installation over at the Adidas store.  

addidas furniture

M will probably play all coy and cute and tell me to pick out any pair of shoes I want, I’ll take my time and pick an inexpensive pair, then M will laugh and buy the whole store.  We’ll use Tang’s graffiti seats to furnish our London apartment.

Oh, gosh girls, it really is going to be a whirlwind, I’m so tired just thinking about it, now, if only i could find all those little bottles of booze I had hidden in my purse.