2013: Year of the Wrecking Ball

Yes, I am still alive. I know it may seem like I fell off the face of earth, but that’s only because you don’t follow me on pinterest. Ahhhh, pinterest. Is there any place easier to access with my left hand whilst the right shoves a boob in the baby‘s mouth at 5 am? Nay, I say there is not. And what pinterest is bringing me these days is tile envy. Major major tile envy.

Tile in the kitchen…

Tile in the bathroom…

[Design Manifest]

Tile, tile, tile.

I could go on, but I’m getting sad. Just before Christmas I helped the in laws redo their guest bathroom, and seeing all that fresh new marble go in reminded me that our bathrooms look like this:

I feel that I should defend the cleanliness of our grout — it really is cleaner than it looks in the picture! I promise! Maybe it’s wet or something??? — but seriously, what’s the point? That is 10 pounds of shit packed into a five pound bag. Completely indefensible.

I would kill for those $1 black and white checkerboard tiles (set in a diamond pattern, please), and even the cheapo white square ceramic tiles behind the tub. I don’t need fancy — I need NEUTRAL. For heaven’s sake, who thought greenish khaki (basically bile colored) tiles were flattering in a bathroom?

Oh, and let’s not forget the kitchen.

What. The. What.

So this is how things break down: since we moved in I have either been sick and pregnant, on bedrest, or the caretaker of a newborn and a sassy three year old (they’re still here — just older). I did my best to transform the things I could with paint, curtains, fabric, etc., but there is some fundamental horribleness lurking in this house that must be demolished. The tile must die. The cabinets must be painted. A bowling ball might accidentally be dropped on the granite counters.

I need to win the lottery.

And/or maybe learn how to set tile.

In the meantime, I’m going to return periodically to take you on a tour of the cute rooms I have “finished,” and probably you will be so wowed by my magnificent decorating and photography skills that you will hire me to help you do one of those things.

Won’t someone think of the tile? For only the price of a cup of coffee a day it could be saved.

As long as that cup of coffee is a grande starbucks somethingccino with 24k gold sprinkles on top, but who’s counting.

It’s good to be back.

Happy New Year!